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Hello and meet Satanica....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 374831" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The mental health system in the US is truly terrible, but it is actually worse in many other countries. Sadly, most MH patients end up in prison or in/out of jail as adults because that is the only way to get medications and treatment, such as it is there. This is just as true for kids as adults, from what I have seen.</p><p> </p><p>Does Satanica physically attack you and Fastone? Wiz, my difficult child, used to attack Jessie and I. Everything I did or said, including Hi "provoked" him. I finally had to call the Sheriff and refuse to allow him to come back home. I simply couldn't tolerate being beaten by anyone and I wasn't going to let my younger kids think it was okay. I also was terrified that if he did manage to kill me then he would kill himself out of guilt. I knew he would never be able to get over the guilt for seriously hurting or killing me. </p><p> </p><p>My husband worked in a city over an hour away, so I was alone with the kids most of the time. He knew things were bad, but never really saw exactly how awful it was, mostly because he left our son to me in almost every regard. (Wiz is his bio son, not a step, husband just couldn't understand him or connect with him.) husband came home to the Sheriff one day and told them that he would back me up (he knew darn well that if he undermined me he would be all alone in the world because I would be GONE, esp when it came to physical safety issues.). It was one of the worst days of my life, and one of the most important. I refused to let my son back into the house. He had already spent 4 months in a locked psychiatric ward just over a year before, and had 2 acute stays at a different psychiatric hospital (the second one timed so that he could meet up with a girl there - NOT because he was really having problems he wanted help with -GRRRRR). </p><p> </p><p>The deputies tried to tell me there wasn't anyplace to take him. I told them that they had jail cells for those who assault others, didn't they? They placed him in a youth shelter (lasted less than 3 days before he broke enough of their rules to be kicked out!) then he went to my parents. They live in town and we had lived with them for a while. My mom had been asking for custody of him in many ways, some very damaging to our parent/child bond. My dad had just retired from teaching jr high and he asked if we would let Wiz live with them instead of insisting on a placement out of the family. I did NOT like this, because I thought he needed placement in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but I gave in. Mostly as long as we could be safe from him I didn't much care where he was, not at that point. It was an awful way to feel about my child, but it was what it was. I just would NOT live in terror anymore. period. </p><p> </p><p>The very next time Satanica attacks anyone in the home physically, call the cops and refuse to let her back into the home. You probably will need to be on the same page with Fastone, she will have to agree and stand united with you. The cops will get a temporary order from a judge to place her somewhere. Then in a couple of days you see a judge, tell him what is going on, and that you and Fastone cannot help her, supervise her, or live with her because you are being abused by her and are scared of her. Have a letter written (with bullets for various things she does/has done) and give a copy to the judge, the CPS worker (one will be there), and read one out loud to the judge. </p><p> </p><p>Be very firm, very calm, and let them SEE your and Fastone's fear. If there are other children at home (permanent or visiting) make SURE you touch on what Satanica has done/threatened to do to them. In our case, the CPS worker knew us because his son was on a basketball team with our youngest. He said that we were doing all the right things to keep our kids safe, including taking the violent child to court for placement. Our judge somehow got the deputy to not file paperwork on Wiz because he really didn't want to deal with this, but I did get the officer to eventually give me a report and a copy of the order placing Wiz in the shelter and the order kicking difficult child out of the shelter. The second time we went to court was 2 weeks after the first time and the judge postponed things to give the deputy "time" to get the paperwork done. It was then that my parents asked for custody.</p><p> </p><p>In reality we did not give formal legal custody to my parents - it was too much of a hassle. I sent letters to the school and the doctors, and signed a bunch of HIPPA forms at the various docs, so that my parents could take care of whatever. On a few big issues I did step in, but not more than 2-3 of them. One was when Wiz ran away the night after my mom had sinus surgery and her eyelids/lower eyes done. Right now Wiz is 18 1/2, graduated high school a year ago, and finished a technical course this last May, and is working to be admitted to college now. He has become a fairly delightful person to be around and we all have good relationships with him. NONE of that would have happened if he had stayed here with us. I credit living with Gpa for a LOT of his turnaround, largely because Gpa is more of an Aspie than difficult child ever thought about being, lol.</p><p> </p><p>anyway, if Fastone and you work to keep communication going, meaning that neither of you <strong>EVER</strong> believes a word out of Satanica's mouth (how do you know your difficult child is lying? Her mouth is moving. This is NOT a joke for many of our difficult children!) unless you calmly talk about it with each other (without Satanica being there), and then you work on getting to a point where Fastone will be strong enough to go to the court and tell them that her child cannot come home, with your support.</p><p> </p><p>Whatever happens, try your best to detach from Satanica. Read Parenting your Teen with Love and Logic - MANY of us have found this extremely useful with difficult children. You can learn more about L&L at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a> .</p><p> </p><p>Above all, don't be a stranger here. We truly understand because we have been there done that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 374831, member: 1233"] The mental health system in the US is truly terrible, but it is actually worse in many other countries. Sadly, most MH patients end up in prison or in/out of jail as adults because that is the only way to get medications and treatment, such as it is there. This is just as true for kids as adults, from what I have seen. Does Satanica physically attack you and Fastone? Wiz, my difficult child, used to attack Jessie and I. Everything I did or said, including Hi "provoked" him. I finally had to call the Sheriff and refuse to allow him to come back home. I simply couldn't tolerate being beaten by anyone and I wasn't going to let my younger kids think it was okay. I also was terrified that if he did manage to kill me then he would kill himself out of guilt. I knew he would never be able to get over the guilt for seriously hurting or killing me. My husband worked in a city over an hour away, so I was alone with the kids most of the time. He knew things were bad, but never really saw exactly how awful it was, mostly because he left our son to me in almost every regard. (Wiz is his bio son, not a step, husband just couldn't understand him or connect with him.) husband came home to the Sheriff one day and told them that he would back me up (he knew darn well that if he undermined me he would be all alone in the world because I would be GONE, esp when it came to physical safety issues.). It was one of the worst days of my life, and one of the most important. I refused to let my son back into the house. He had already spent 4 months in a locked psychiatric ward just over a year before, and had 2 acute stays at a different psychiatric hospital (the second one timed so that he could meet up with a girl there - NOT because he was really having problems he wanted help with -GRRRRR). The deputies tried to tell me there wasn't anyplace to take him. I told them that they had jail cells for those who assault others, didn't they? They placed him in a youth shelter (lasted less than 3 days before he broke enough of their rules to be kicked out!) then he went to my parents. They live in town and we had lived with them for a while. My mom had been asking for custody of him in many ways, some very damaging to our parent/child bond. My dad had just retired from teaching jr high and he asked if we would let Wiz live with them instead of insisting on a placement out of the family. I did NOT like this, because I thought he needed placement in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but I gave in. Mostly as long as we could be safe from him I didn't much care where he was, not at that point. It was an awful way to feel about my child, but it was what it was. I just would NOT live in terror anymore. period. The very next time Satanica attacks anyone in the home physically, call the cops and refuse to let her back into the home. You probably will need to be on the same page with Fastone, she will have to agree and stand united with you. The cops will get a temporary order from a judge to place her somewhere. Then in a couple of days you see a judge, tell him what is going on, and that you and Fastone cannot help her, supervise her, or live with her because you are being abused by her and are scared of her. Have a letter written (with bullets for various things she does/has done) and give a copy to the judge, the CPS worker (one will be there), and read one out loud to the judge. Be very firm, very calm, and let them SEE your and Fastone's fear. If there are other children at home (permanent or visiting) make SURE you touch on what Satanica has done/threatened to do to them. In our case, the CPS worker knew us because his son was on a basketball team with our youngest. He said that we were doing all the right things to keep our kids safe, including taking the violent child to court for placement. Our judge somehow got the deputy to not file paperwork on Wiz because he really didn't want to deal with this, but I did get the officer to eventually give me a report and a copy of the order placing Wiz in the shelter and the order kicking difficult child out of the shelter. The second time we went to court was 2 weeks after the first time and the judge postponed things to give the deputy "time" to get the paperwork done. It was then that my parents asked for custody. In reality we did not give formal legal custody to my parents - it was too much of a hassle. I sent letters to the school and the doctors, and signed a bunch of HIPPA forms at the various docs, so that my parents could take care of whatever. On a few big issues I did step in, but not more than 2-3 of them. One was when Wiz ran away the night after my mom had sinus surgery and her eyelids/lower eyes done. Right now Wiz is 18 1/2, graduated high school a year ago, and finished a technical course this last May, and is working to be admitted to college now. He has become a fairly delightful person to be around and we all have good relationships with him. NONE of that would have happened if he had stayed here with us. I credit living with Gpa for a LOT of his turnaround, largely because Gpa is more of an Aspie than difficult child ever thought about being, lol. anyway, if Fastone and you work to keep communication going, meaning that neither of you [B]EVER[/B] believes a word out of Satanica's mouth (how do you know your difficult child is lying? Her mouth is moving. This is NOT a joke for many of our difficult children!) unless you calmly talk about it with each other (without Satanica being there), and then you work on getting to a point where Fastone will be strong enough to go to the court and tell them that her child cannot come home, with your support. Whatever happens, try your best to detach from Satanica. Read Parenting your Teen with Love and Logic - MANY of us have found this extremely useful with difficult children. You can learn more about L&L at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL] . Above all, don't be a stranger here. We truly understand because we have been there done that. [/QUOTE]
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