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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 349793" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Yep. I agree with considering autism. Don't let the label scare you - I never thought I would ever cope with having an autistic child, but I have found that I understand my autistic kids so much better than I ever thought I would, and so much better than many other people around us. It's also not necessarily such bad news, considering some of the alternatives. Autistic kids have gifts and talents which greatly compensate for the difficulties.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to your husband too - my husband also has found hanging around this site to be of value. He has since joined in his own right, he is "Marg's Man". He would lurk and read everything i wrote, and although we thought we already had wonderful communication, we found it improved even more - when I posted, it condensed my thoughts so he got it all in one chunk and it helped him 'get it' even better.</p><p></p><p>For behavioural issues in the meantime - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps. husband couldn't get into it (he did try) so I summarised it for him (which also helped it 'gel' in my own head) and that got him onto the same page. Some of the stuff seems counter-intuitive, but for kids like ours, you need to think outside the square and sometimes turn things on their heads.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 makes good eye contact with people he knows and loves, plus he is outgoing and loves people. He likes to be around other kids, but could never work out the unwritten social rules of behaviour and games. Plus he obsesses about his favourite topics and really, couldn't hold a conversation unless it was on his terms. He also had language delay. However, difficult child 3 is high-functioning and despite scoring moderate for his autism, is still doing a mainstream school program, although by correspondence. difficult child 3 almost certainly has a career ahead of him as a computer geek.</p><p></p><p>Positive traits in autism - </p><p></p><p>1) honesty (they learn that they are really bad at lying, they can't invent a complex alternative 'truth' and so after constantly getting caught out, eventually choose to not lie because it's easier).</p><p></p><p>2) obedience - this is obedience to rules, mostly rules as the child understands them to be. Watch this one.</p><p></p><p>3) ability to concentrate for a long time at a deep level on what interests them.</p><p></p><p>4) Problem-solving skills (again, especially in areas that interest them).</p><p></p><p>5) Loyalty and love - they can be intensely loyal, often to a fault. They often are more loyal, than loyalty is shown to them. They also can be very loving, but not always show it in ways you recognise.</p><p></p><p>I hope this helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 349793, member: 1991"] Yep. I agree with considering autism. Don't let the label scare you - I never thought I would ever cope with having an autistic child, but I have found that I understand my autistic kids so much better than I ever thought I would, and so much better than many other people around us. It's also not necessarily such bad news, considering some of the alternatives. Autistic kids have gifts and talents which greatly compensate for the difficulties. Welcome to your husband too - my husband also has found hanging around this site to be of value. He has since joined in his own right, he is "Marg's Man". He would lurk and read everything i wrote, and although we thought we already had wonderful communication, we found it improved even more - when I posted, it condensed my thoughts so he got it all in one chunk and it helped him 'get it' even better. For behavioural issues in the meantime - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It helps. husband couldn't get into it (he did try) so I summarised it for him (which also helped it 'gel' in my own head) and that got him onto the same page. Some of the stuff seems counter-intuitive, but for kids like ours, you need to think outside the square and sometimes turn things on their heads. difficult child 3 makes good eye contact with people he knows and loves, plus he is outgoing and loves people. He likes to be around other kids, but could never work out the unwritten social rules of behaviour and games. Plus he obsesses about his favourite topics and really, couldn't hold a conversation unless it was on his terms. He also had language delay. However, difficult child 3 is high-functioning and despite scoring moderate for his autism, is still doing a mainstream school program, although by correspondence. difficult child 3 almost certainly has a career ahead of him as a computer geek. Positive traits in autism - 1) honesty (they learn that they are really bad at lying, they can't invent a complex alternative 'truth' and so after constantly getting caught out, eventually choose to not lie because it's easier). 2) obedience - this is obedience to rules, mostly rules as the child understands them to be. Watch this one. 3) ability to concentrate for a long time at a deep level on what interests them. 4) Problem-solving skills (again, especially in areas that interest them). 5) Loyalty and love - they can be intensely loyal, often to a fault. They often are more loyal, than loyalty is shown to them. They also can be very loving, but not always show it in ways you recognise. I hope this helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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