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Parent Emeritus
Hello, update from my he**
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<blockquote data-quote="Suz" data-source="post: 67706" data-attributes="member: 29"><p>Bette, I can't tell you what is going on with your boyfriend but I can certainly agree with the others who suggested that people sometimes grieve in unexpected ways. </p><p></p><p>So imagine how out of control you are feeling now. But women are smarter, you know :wink: . Women know to gain comfort from talking to friends or giving/receiving hugs or doing whatever they have to to get them through the next few minutes or hours or days.</p><p></p><p>Men (sorry fellas) just don't have the same emotional coping skills. They tend to be full of denial, hate perceived "weakness", and see the emotional side of life as uncomfortable. I can easily see how your boyfriend is so overwhelmed with "feelings" that he doesn't have a clue what to do with them and he sure doesn't want to <em>show</em> them (heaven forbid!), and probably scared to death that if he started to acknowledge them that he'd fall completely apart.</p><p></p><p>So he hides instead.</p><p></p><p>I hope he comes around. After all of the sadness my then-husband and I had with Rob, we should have been able to comfort each other. But we couldn't and didn't and it ended up being one of the things that ended our marriage. If you had a strong relationship before this happened, I hope you will be able to find comfort in each other now...or at least in a little bit.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, thank you so much for telling us about Tim. I hope you will tell us more. He sounds like a young man who had a lot of challenges, then stepped up to the plate and succeeded. What an amazing loss to you and to his friends. It would have been an honor to know him.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Suz</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Suz, post: 67706, member: 29"] Bette, I can't tell you what is going on with your boyfriend but I can certainly agree with the others who suggested that people sometimes grieve in unexpected ways. So imagine how out of control you are feeling now. But women are smarter, you know [img]:wink:[/img] . Women know to gain comfort from talking to friends or giving/receiving hugs or doing whatever they have to to get them through the next few minutes or hours or days. Men (sorry fellas) just don't have the same emotional coping skills. They tend to be full of denial, hate perceived "weakness", and see the emotional side of life as uncomfortable. I can easily see how your boyfriend is so overwhelmed with "feelings" that he doesn't have a clue what to do with them and he sure doesn't want to [i]show[/i] them (heaven forbid!), and probably scared to death that if he started to acknowledge them that he'd fall completely apart. So he hides instead. I hope he comes around. After all of the sadness my then-husband and I had with Rob, we should have been able to comfort each other. But we couldn't and didn't and it ended up being one of the things that ended our marriage. If you had a strong relationship before this happened, I hope you will be able to find comfort in each other now...or at least in a little bit. In the meantime, thank you so much for telling us about Tim. I hope you will tell us more. He sounds like a young man who had a lot of challenges, then stepped up to the plate and succeeded. What an amazing loss to you and to his friends. It would have been an honor to know him. Hugs, Suz [/QUOTE]
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