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<blockquote data-quote="Blessed Mama" data-source="post: 448865" data-attributes="member: 12458"><p>Hi MuM!</p><p></p><p>She actually started with a new counselor recently, and is doing the DBT therapy with her. She liked her old counselor, but did not feel a connection with her. She feels a real connection with the new one, which is wonderful. </p><p></p><p>I do believe the worst part for her regarding the assault was not as much the act itself (which was traumatic for her, of course) but the total sense of betrayal. Again, this was someone she's known all her life, and the father of two friends that she views as brothers. She felt an unjustified sense of guilt, like she had contributed to taking their father away, which was not the case. He did this, not her, and that's something I've been trying to reinforce with her since she told me about it. </p><p></p><p>Fortunately, she does have a rather strong support system. I come from a big family, and despite her father being a loser, he does have a wonderful family. She had truly devoted grandparents, aunts, and uncles. She's actually staying with her aunt and uncle during the week, at least for the remainder of the summer. And she did express a desire to get back in to Judo, something she was involved in for about 3 years, which I am encouraging strongly. </p><p></p><p>We are doing a house rules contract which will include the rules and expectations, the consequences, privileges, and rewards. </p><p></p><p>I've been on the fence about moving, because she has taken up with a group of friends that I'd rather she not associate with. But again, she does still have contact with those old friends of hers who make good choices, and has recently said she missed them, and wanted to spend more time with them. </p><p></p><p>She does not have a lot of sexual experience, at least in respect to actual intercourse with any boy. I know she has done some things, but she was hesitant even prior to the incident with the former family friend. And of course, now she is dressing like a boy herself, and stating that she's a lesbian. </p><p></p><p>She has a HUGE issue with insomnia. Night time is usually when she has her episodes because she can't sleep and her mind races, and she 'keeps thinking about negative stuff' as she puts it. </p><p></p><p>A lot of her issues stem, I believe, from her always having been a very sensitive and somewhat high strung person. Growing up she had all sorts of sleep issues - night terrors, sleep walking, sleep talking, bed wetting. And some eating issues - she'll still sometimes refuse to eat for an entire day or more, and then will be ravenous. As a child, she would get literally ill if she didn't eat within an hour or so of waking up. </p><p></p><p>I know that I have to be MUCH more consistent with discipline. Behaviorally, she was just so easy (obedient, respectful) until around the age of 12, that when she first started lashing out, talking back, and being defiant, I lost my footing for some time, and it's been hard to get back on track. Even she acknowledges that she noticed a change in our relationship when she first started acting out. I told her that it does not bring me any more joy to not trust her, and to have to 'babysit' her all the time, then it brings her to have me nagging and restricting her. </p><p></p><p>Again, I thank you for your support. You have been so spot on in your posts to me, it's amazing <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blessed Mama, post: 448865, member: 12458"] Hi MuM! She actually started with a new counselor recently, and is doing the DBT therapy with her. She liked her old counselor, but did not feel a connection with her. She feels a real connection with the new one, which is wonderful. I do believe the worst part for her regarding the assault was not as much the act itself (which was traumatic for her, of course) but the total sense of betrayal. Again, this was someone she's known all her life, and the father of two friends that she views as brothers. She felt an unjustified sense of guilt, like she had contributed to taking their father away, which was not the case. He did this, not her, and that's something I've been trying to reinforce with her since she told me about it. Fortunately, she does have a rather strong support system. I come from a big family, and despite her father being a loser, he does have a wonderful family. She had truly devoted grandparents, aunts, and uncles. She's actually staying with her aunt and uncle during the week, at least for the remainder of the summer. And she did express a desire to get back in to Judo, something she was involved in for about 3 years, which I am encouraging strongly. We are doing a house rules contract which will include the rules and expectations, the consequences, privileges, and rewards. I've been on the fence about moving, because she has taken up with a group of friends that I'd rather she not associate with. But again, she does still have contact with those old friends of hers who make good choices, and has recently said she missed them, and wanted to spend more time with them. She does not have a lot of sexual experience, at least in respect to actual intercourse with any boy. I know she has done some things, but she was hesitant even prior to the incident with the former family friend. And of course, now she is dressing like a boy herself, and stating that she's a lesbian. She has a HUGE issue with insomnia. Night time is usually when she has her episodes because she can't sleep and her mind races, and she 'keeps thinking about negative stuff' as she puts it. A lot of her issues stem, I believe, from her always having been a very sensitive and somewhat high strung person. Growing up she had all sorts of sleep issues - night terrors, sleep walking, sleep talking, bed wetting. And some eating issues - she'll still sometimes refuse to eat for an entire day or more, and then will be ravenous. As a child, she would get literally ill if she didn't eat within an hour or so of waking up. I know that I have to be MUCH more consistent with discipline. Behaviorally, she was just so easy (obedient, respectful) until around the age of 12, that when she first started lashing out, talking back, and being defiant, I lost my footing for some time, and it's been hard to get back on track. Even she acknowledges that she noticed a change in our relationship when she first started acting out. I told her that it does not bring me any more joy to not trust her, and to have to 'babysit' her all the time, then it brings her to have me nagging and restricting her. Again, I thank you for your support. You have been so spot on in your posts to me, it's amazing :) [/QUOTE]
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