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<blockquote data-quote="LittleDudesMom" data-source="post: 360794" data-attributes="member: 805"><p>Gemma,</p><p></p><p>I think Marg is right on when she said your instincts are correct. Certainly there is something going on with your little chap because it is not typical for a young child to have so much anger and angst. "The Explosive Child" is a fabulous book that I would also recommend you reading.</p><p></p><p>As others have said, I too am not familiar with the system in the UK but a mental health evaluation at both home and school sound like a good start.</p><p></p><p>As far as your husband being saddened, that's normal. Most of us go through the process of the excitement and dreams of pregnancy and the picture of what we think our family will be like. When are dealt the cards of a challenging child there is almost a sort of grief process you go through. The realization that the dream you dreamed is not, and may never, be a reality is a blow.</p><p></p><p>But time, educating yourself, and really getting to know what is behind your child's behaviors so you can begin to treat it make a huge difference. </p><p></p><p>I can actually remember looking at the little boys in my daughter's private school who were so happy and well adjusted. The mom's could sit and talk for hours while the little boys played. Not me. I had to be right there because I never knew if he was going to pick up a stick or a rock and hit someone.......</p><p></p><p>But when my difficult child and I began the journey to find out what was going on, I began to garner a better understanding of how difficult it was for him. Like your son, he knew right from wrong and had remorse. His impulses just kicked in before his reason did. He wasn't happy living the way he was. Slowly I realized what a gift this boy was to me. I became more patient, more understanding, more empathetic, more creative, less judgmental......the list goes on. I learned to look at the good in my son and realized there was a while lot of good in there. There was his loving, giving heart. There was his creatively and imagination, his intelligence, his zest for life, his laugh, his shinning eyes, his hugs.....I became a better parent being his mom.</p><p></p><p>I can't imagine my difficult child being anyone else other than he is. No, he won't be getting the "Student of the Year Award", or walk up on stage and receive a trophy for outstanding sports team member, but knowing that he can laugh now (which was very hard years ago) at a personal joke, or wax poetic about the military planes of WWII, or lay down and watch a movie with me, or place in the science fair at school, are all the things I take joy in. </p><p></p><p>You are taking the right steps for your son. Time will be the judge. Love him like you are, find the right medical attention, and educate yourself about the rights he has as a student in the UK. It may sound like an over-used cliche, but it is always the darkest before the storm.</p><p></p><p>Sharon</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LittleDudesMom, post: 360794, member: 805"] Gemma, I think Marg is right on when she said your instincts are correct. Certainly there is something going on with your little chap because it is not typical for a young child to have so much anger and angst. "The Explosive Child" is a fabulous book that I would also recommend you reading. As others have said, I too am not familiar with the system in the UK but a mental health evaluation at both home and school sound like a good start. As far as your husband being saddened, that's normal. Most of us go through the process of the excitement and dreams of pregnancy and the picture of what we think our family will be like. When are dealt the cards of a challenging child there is almost a sort of grief process you go through. The realization that the dream you dreamed is not, and may never, be a reality is a blow. But time, educating yourself, and really getting to know what is behind your child's behaviors so you can begin to treat it make a huge difference. I can actually remember looking at the little boys in my daughter's private school who were so happy and well adjusted. The mom's could sit and talk for hours while the little boys played. Not me. I had to be right there because I never knew if he was going to pick up a stick or a rock and hit someone....... But when my difficult child and I began the journey to find out what was going on, I began to garner a better understanding of how difficult it was for him. Like your son, he knew right from wrong and had remorse. His impulses just kicked in before his reason did. He wasn't happy living the way he was. Slowly I realized what a gift this boy was to me. I became more patient, more understanding, more empathetic, more creative, less judgmental......the list goes on. I learned to look at the good in my son and realized there was a while lot of good in there. There was his loving, giving heart. There was his creatively and imagination, his intelligence, his zest for life, his laugh, his shinning eyes, his hugs.....I became a better parent being his mom. I can't imagine my difficult child being anyone else other than he is. No, he won't be getting the "Student of the Year Award", or walk up on stage and receive a trophy for outstanding sports team member, but knowing that he can laugh now (which was very hard years ago) at a personal joke, or wax poetic about the military planes of WWII, or lay down and watch a movie with me, or place in the science fair at school, are all the things I take joy in. You are taking the right steps for your son. Time will be the judge. Love him like you are, find the right medical attention, and educate yourself about the rights he has as a student in the UK. It may sound like an over-used cliche, but it is always the darkest before the storm. Sharon [/QUOTE]
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