Oh, boy, does that sound familiar!
Our son is ADHD and ODD. He is much better now (he's 10) but he's always a challenge.
I just take it one day at a time.
I know everyone here will recommend the Explosive Child by Ross Greene and I do, too. I also like John Rosemond. Consistency and consequences are paramount.
In our case, our son didn't respond really well until he was on medications, but it calmed him down enough that he was able to understand the consequences and learn.
I'll see if I can find some older notes to give you ideas.
Good luck!
