M, instead of asking us who aren't inside the heads of someone with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), why don't you pose this question to those who are. The Wrong Planet site if packed with adults with AS who often are very helpful in trying to "translate" what's going on with family member of persons with AS and share what's helped them.
If you do post, I suggest posting from an informational standpoint only. Don't expect any sympathy if you mention the behaviors are driving you crazy.
This is an excellent site for trying to get a grasp of AS in adults:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/