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Help! Divorced and I disagree with ex and the doctors
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<blockquote data-quote="firehorsewoman" data-source="post: 526000"><p>Hello again.</p><p></p><p>The Strattera was suggested for the same reason JJJ you are suggesting Clonodine. He has only been on a low dose of Strattera for the past five weeks, was also taking Tenex and Adderall at the same time until just this past week. I will look into the Clonodine.</p><p></p><p>As to the questions regarding the differences in behavior at the two homes: My ex does have a stricter routine but also uses more physical punishment...in his words " beat his ass." I brought this up at the last appointment with both my ex and the doctor. All she said was that "we recommend that both parents try to be consistent in their discipline strategies". I sometimes resort to physical activity with him mostly shoving him away from me, etc but I do not spank nor "beat his ass." That is one difference. Another is that my ex is big and male. Also, I have to be both mom and dad when the kids are at my house. He quickly remarried and they have a "mom" figure there. She is also very strict. My daughter tells me that the outbursts happen at his home but do not get as out of control as they do at mine because her brother is afraid of his dad.</p><p></p><p>All that being said, I do realize that my son has always had a problem with me. Prior to the divorce I was the main trigger and target of his meltdowns. Now I would say that I share that 50/50 with his sister. When I was married my ex did not think my son had any behavior problem until he was asked to leave three different preschools. If you ask him about that today he will make excuses for why my son left those schools but I have paperwork from the last one asking us in writing to remove him. I also have paperwork from the second one where they brought in someone to evaluate him his behavior was so extreme. I was relieved when the epilepsy docs recommended antipsychotic medication after observing him for 24 hrs via camera. I finally felt like I was not the one that was imagining how severe his problem is. My ex was not there for the 24 EEG and ignored the information though did not object to Risperidal.</p><p></p><p>When he was in kindergarten he was in private school. On the second day of school I was met by his teacher and the principal because they found his behavior so troubling. We got through the year okay mostly because my son is very smart and his teacher eventually got used to his behavior. My son now attends public school and is in 2nd grade. He gets straight "A's" but usually gets an "N" (needs improvement) on behavior with an occasional "S" satisfactory about once per quarter. His daily behavior chart always says "not following directions and talking" and then there have been the inappropriate things I mentioned previously.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps part of the problem is me? I would be easier to fix so I would welcome that. But then I think back to the first year of his life, cried constantly, put on baby zantac and every colic remedy out there, changed formula umpteen times, swaddled him and carried him in a sling 24 hrs a day to get him to calm down....my ex would just stay at work as long as he could and tell me "doesn't this kid ever stop crying?" So for me, this is how it has been since he was born. Was I doing something wrong when he was an infant too? </p><p></p><p>My ex blamed me for the behavior problems and it was a huge contributor to the reason we got divorced. He is still blaming me. I am happy that my son does fairly well in school and at his dad's but I want things to be better here. It is hard for me to be as structured in our routine since the days I have them vary and are never strung together. My son definitely does not transition well but there is more to it than that. Even when I was married and his dad was here the majority of the really bad meltdowns happened with me or at preschool. </p><p>I have had him this entire week because his father is on vacation. The routine and flow of the day has gone smoother the longer the kids have been here but I have seen no improvement with the frequency nor intensity of the meltdowns. So there has got to be more to it than structure and routine.</p><p></p><p>I am just so tired and confused.</p><p></p><p>ugh</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="firehorsewoman, post: 526000"] Hello again. The Strattera was suggested for the same reason JJJ you are suggesting Clonodine. He has only been on a low dose of Strattera for the past five weeks, was also taking Tenex and Adderall at the same time until just this past week. I will look into the Clonodine. As to the questions regarding the differences in behavior at the two homes: My ex does have a stricter routine but also uses more physical punishment...in his words " beat his ass." I brought this up at the last appointment with both my ex and the doctor. All she said was that "we recommend that both parents try to be consistent in their discipline strategies". I sometimes resort to physical activity with him mostly shoving him away from me, etc but I do not spank nor "beat his ass." That is one difference. Another is that my ex is big and male. Also, I have to be both mom and dad when the kids are at my house. He quickly remarried and they have a "mom" figure there. She is also very strict. My daughter tells me that the outbursts happen at his home but do not get as out of control as they do at mine because her brother is afraid of his dad. All that being said, I do realize that my son has always had a problem with me. Prior to the divorce I was the main trigger and target of his meltdowns. Now I would say that I share that 50/50 with his sister. When I was married my ex did not think my son had any behavior problem until he was asked to leave three different preschools. If you ask him about that today he will make excuses for why my son left those schools but I have paperwork from the last one asking us in writing to remove him. I also have paperwork from the second one where they brought in someone to evaluate him his behavior was so extreme. I was relieved when the epilepsy docs recommended antipsychotic medication after observing him for 24 hrs via camera. I finally felt like I was not the one that was imagining how severe his problem is. My ex was not there for the 24 EEG and ignored the information though did not object to Risperidal. When he was in kindergarten he was in private school. On the second day of school I was met by his teacher and the principal because they found his behavior so troubling. We got through the year okay mostly because my son is very smart and his teacher eventually got used to his behavior. My son now attends public school and is in 2nd grade. He gets straight "A's" but usually gets an "N" (needs improvement) on behavior with an occasional "S" satisfactory about once per quarter. His daily behavior chart always says "not following directions and talking" and then there have been the inappropriate things I mentioned previously. Perhaps part of the problem is me? I would be easier to fix so I would welcome that. But then I think back to the first year of his life, cried constantly, put on baby zantac and every colic remedy out there, changed formula umpteen times, swaddled him and carried him in a sling 24 hrs a day to get him to calm down....my ex would just stay at work as long as he could and tell me "doesn't this kid ever stop crying?" So for me, this is how it has been since he was born. Was I doing something wrong when he was an infant too? My ex blamed me for the behavior problems and it was a huge contributor to the reason we got divorced. He is still blaming me. I am happy that my son does fairly well in school and at his dad's but I want things to be better here. It is hard for me to be as structured in our routine since the days I have them vary and are never strung together. My son definitely does not transition well but there is more to it than that. Even when I was married and his dad was here the majority of the really bad meltdowns happened with me or at preschool. I have had him this entire week because his father is on vacation. The routine and flow of the day has gone smoother the longer the kids have been here but I have seen no improvement with the frequency nor intensity of the meltdowns. So there has got to be more to it than structure and routine. I am just so tired and confused. ugh [/QUOTE]
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