Wendy, I gotta say I think this coach is being a bit tough on a 9-year-old, especially one who needs role models. My own son, who will be 14 this spring, has played LL (rec team, not select) for many years, and he has a BiPolar (BP)-like mood disorder. I am not making excuses for bad attitude, but sometimes depression can cause a kid not to hustle the way he should. It is the disorder speaking, not the child's "atittude." When a child is depressed, he needs encouragement, not punishment. We have always clued the coaches in about our son's issues, as you have, and for the most part, we have been met with patience and understanding. Baseball is after all just a game, and engendering a love of it can last a lifetime. It may be well worth your while to call the league and ask which coaches are more willing to work with a kid who needs a little extra TLC. I can certainly understand your tearfulness -- I would absolutely feel the same way. Hugs.
