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Help I need help kicked my son out
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<blockquote data-quote="Big Bad Kitty" data-source="post: 70204" data-attributes="member: 3647"><p>1-You did not fail. You failed in NOTHING. The fact that you are here seeking help is proof of that. Every single kid in the world is different. You gave him morals and values the first 18 years of his life. What he does with them is now up to him, and no longer a reflection on you.</p><p></p><p>2-Irene is right, tell people that he has not decided if they ask about his college plans. And if they ask how he is, be honest! tell them he is not so good. You don't have to get into it. If they press, tell them he is having personal issues that you would rather not discuss, but thank you for asking about him.</p><p></p><p>3-You don't need to keep seeing his therapist. But you should see one for yourself. You have two little ones who need you very badly.</p><p></p><p>4-Detaching is the hardest (but the most necessary) thing to do with kids like this. Again, it is not abandoning them. It is letting go, and letting the natural order of things take over. You expressed a worry of him harming himself when he hits bottom. While anything is possible, the majority of the time kids who hit bottom come home with their tail between their legs, remorseful and weeping. That will be how you know for sure that he has really hit bottom. Do not let him fool you otherwise. These kids are sneaky. "It is all YOUR fault, you should not have kicked me out" is not hitting bottom. That is called LAYING A GUILT TRIP. </p><p></p><p>5-Do you pray? Pray for his safety. He is in God's capable hands. And say the serenity prayer until you are blue in the face; it helps with detaching. It reiterates that you have no control over other people, only yourself:</p><p></p><p>God, grant me the serenity</p><p>To accept the things I cannot change</p><p>The courage to change the things I can</p><p>And the wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>You and your son will be in my prayers. (((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Big Bad Kitty, post: 70204, member: 3647"] 1-You did not fail. You failed in NOTHING. The fact that you are here seeking help is proof of that. Every single kid in the world is different. You gave him morals and values the first 18 years of his life. What he does with them is now up to him, and no longer a reflection on you. 2-Irene is right, tell people that he has not decided if they ask about his college plans. And if they ask how he is, be honest! tell them he is not so good. You don't have to get into it. If they press, tell them he is having personal issues that you would rather not discuss, but thank you for asking about him. 3-You don't need to keep seeing his therapist. But you should see one for yourself. You have two little ones who need you very badly. 4-Detaching is the hardest (but the most necessary) thing to do with kids like this. Again, it is not abandoning them. It is letting go, and letting the natural order of things take over. You expressed a worry of him harming himself when he hits bottom. While anything is possible, the majority of the time kids who hit bottom come home with their tail between their legs, remorseful and weeping. That will be how you know for sure that he has really hit bottom. Do not let him fool you otherwise. These kids are sneaky. "It is all YOUR fault, you should not have kicked me out" is not hitting bottom. That is called LAYING A GUILT TRIP. 5-Do you pray? Pray for his safety. He is in God's capable hands. And say the serenity prayer until you are blue in the face; it helps with detaching. It reiterates that you have no control over other people, only yourself: God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. You and your son will be in my prayers. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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