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<blockquote data-quote="rejectedmom" data-source="post: 19337" data-attributes="member: 2315"><p>Barb, My mother in law was a horrible person. She did so much emotional damage to her children, grand-children, and to me that I pretty much was done with her around my 17th wedding anniversary. I would book her a room at my expense at the local bed and breakfast when she wanted to visit. This was the consequence of her own actions. She refused to not smoke in my house when my son was so very asthematic that he would end up at the ER as a result. She thought I was horrid to do this to her but I did not care. If she wasn't complaining about that she would have found something else to fault me on anyway. The bed and breackfast was a beautiful place and it cost me a pretty penny to put her up there. Nothing I did was good enough and nothing I gave her was ever she wanted and she had no qualms telling me so. Consequence? I stopped shopping for her and just sent flowers. </p><p></p><p>I didn't telephone her after she told me my kids didn't count because they were either feamale or adopted but I reminded husband to call her once a week. I went to all family functions regardless of her presence or lack of. She often told us she was the matriarch of the family and she should choose which family gatherings we attend. She talked about everyone behind their backs. </p><p></p><p>I found I could survive her if I just never had any good expectations of her. I had given her my heart and she trampled all over it so I took it back. I have no regrets. My philosophy is when you are damned if you do and damned if you don't then do what is right for you. Eventually husband began to feel the same as I did. We were never rude and we always included her in family functions. We just didn't bend over backwards trying to please her.</p><p></p><p>She had to have one final dispicable act toward us though. She was on her death bed and we got a call to come to NY because it was time. I had a very very importand legal proceeding involving the SD and their treatment of my youngest difficult child the next day. it was scheduled first thing in the morning. I couldn't cancrl it as the distress call abut my mother in law had only come at 11pm the night before. So I packed up my husband and sent him up immediately telling him that I would follow in the morning with the 4 children. My husband drove 5 hours alone, rushed to her side and when he went to kiss her she turned her back on him and refused to acknowlege he was there. He has never recovered. I was spared. She died before I arrived. Consequently it irks me when her daughters talk about her as if she was a saint. I witnessed first hand her emotional and occasional physical abuse of them throughout most of his younger sister's life (husband's younger sister was only 8 when we began dating ) but I don't argue it. I let them live their fantasy it has nothing to do with me. </p><p></p><p>So in that light I say tell your husband to get into therapy to help deal with his mother issues. And as for you, don't do anything you don't want to do. Taking responsibility for your mother doesn't necessarily mean taking her into your home. -RM</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rejectedmom, post: 19337, member: 2315"] Barb, My mother in law was a horrible person. She did so much emotional damage to her children, grand-children, and to me that I pretty much was done with her around my 17th wedding anniversary. I would book her a room at my expense at the local bed and breakfast when she wanted to visit. This was the consequence of her own actions. She refused to not smoke in my house when my son was so very asthematic that he would end up at the ER as a result. She thought I was horrid to do this to her but I did not care. If she wasn't complaining about that she would have found something else to fault me on anyway. The bed and breackfast was a beautiful place and it cost me a pretty penny to put her up there. Nothing I did was good enough and nothing I gave her was ever she wanted and she had no qualms telling me so. Consequence? I stopped shopping for her and just sent flowers. I didn't telephone her after she told me my kids didn't count because they were either feamale or adopted but I reminded husband to call her once a week. I went to all family functions regardless of her presence or lack of. She often told us she was the matriarch of the family and she should choose which family gatherings we attend. She talked about everyone behind their backs. I found I could survive her if I just never had any good expectations of her. I had given her my heart and she trampled all over it so I took it back. I have no regrets. My philosophy is when you are damned if you do and damned if you don't then do what is right for you. Eventually husband began to feel the same as I did. We were never rude and we always included her in family functions. We just didn't bend over backwards trying to please her. She had to have one final dispicable act toward us though. She was on her death bed and we got a call to come to NY because it was time. I had a very very importand legal proceeding involving the SD and their treatment of my youngest difficult child the next day. it was scheduled first thing in the morning. I couldn't cancrl it as the distress call abut my mother in law had only come at 11pm the night before. So I packed up my husband and sent him up immediately telling him that I would follow in the morning with the 4 children. My husband drove 5 hours alone, rushed to her side and when he went to kiss her she turned her back on him and refused to acknowlege he was there. He has never recovered. I was spared. She died before I arrived. Consequently it irks me when her daughters talk about her as if she was a saint. I witnessed first hand her emotional and occasional physical abuse of them throughout most of his younger sister's life (husband's younger sister was only 8 when we began dating ) but I don't argue it. I let them live their fantasy it has nothing to do with me. So in that light I say tell your husband to get into therapy to help deal with his mother issues. And as for you, don't do anything you don't want to do. Taking responsibility for your mother doesn't necessarily mean taking her into your home. -RM [/QUOTE]
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