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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 657671" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi stressed mom we are glad you are here and I am so sorry for what you are living through.</p><p></p><p>My youngest son became addicted to prescription drugs and the story began, to my knowledge, when he started sneaking alcohol in middle school (I think, not 100 percent sure when it all began). They hide what they do and they are good at it for a long long time. We believe them because we have no experience with any of this and also, we want to believe them.</p><p></p><p>You can read my signature to see how bad things got. My family and my exhusbands family both have genetic histories of both mental illness and addiction. </p><p></p><p>My son was shy as a little boy and I believe had anxiety, perhaps some related depression as he got older. Perhaps he took drugs first to fit in or feel better. I don't know. Addicts are triggered at some point. </p><p></p><p>If your son is on this road, the worst thing you can do is enable him. I know it is very hard to even think about this kind of thing. </p><p></p><p>I had to let go of all of my dreams hopes and expectations for his life over time and believe me I had his course charted in my mind. </p><p></p><p>It is not the end of the world that your son didn't graduate. I would encourage him to quickly get his GED if he is interested in this right now. I would also start to get help for myself so you can start to deal with him from a healthier point of view which means learning about addiction and mental illness. Dealing with our loved ones with either of these diagnoses requires much the same response from us. We have to get informed, become stronger and work to separate our feelings from our actions and believe me this is very very hard to do especially with a child/young adult whom we love so very much. One thing to know right away---there is no one thing you can do right or wrong number at any point in this journey that is going to change what happens one way or the other. You don't have that power. </p><p></p><p>You can influence what he does but you can't make it happen. He has to be in charge of his own life for better or worse as hard as that is to watch. </p><p></p><p>It is especially hard for we mothers who raise sons and have had of course a very involved role in their lives while they are growing up. </p><p></p><p>Now we have to make a huge shift and learn to let them go but not to a great life as we thought it would be but sometimes to a very slow or very steep decline. That is incredibly difficult and you will need a lot of support.</p><p></p><p>This forum, alanon, NAMI, books can help you start to learn and think differently. For your hurting heart you need to start taking really good care of yourself and that is something new for most of us as moms too. This is a lot of change for you and it is going to take some time. </p><p></p><p>Please read this website and you will get a lot of good thinking right away. Read it over and over and start writing some things down that resonate with you. Keep it all close by. </p><p></p><p>Also know that we are close by and we get it. We care. We are here for you now and in the future. Hang in there. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 657671, member: 17542"] Hi stressed mom we are glad you are here and I am so sorry for what you are living through. My youngest son became addicted to prescription drugs and the story began, to my knowledge, when he started sneaking alcohol in middle school (I think, not 100 percent sure when it all began). They hide what they do and they are good at it for a long long time. We believe them because we have no experience with any of this and also, we want to believe them. You can read my signature to see how bad things got. My family and my exhusbands family both have genetic histories of both mental illness and addiction. My son was shy as a little boy and I believe had anxiety, perhaps some related depression as he got older. Perhaps he took drugs first to fit in or feel better. I don't know. Addicts are triggered at some point. If your son is on this road, the worst thing you can do is enable him. I know it is very hard to even think about this kind of thing. I had to let go of all of my dreams hopes and expectations for his life over time and believe me I had his course charted in my mind. It is not the end of the world that your son didn't graduate. I would encourage him to quickly get his GED if he is interested in this right now. I would also start to get help for myself so you can start to deal with him from a healthier point of view which means learning about addiction and mental illness. Dealing with our loved ones with either of these diagnoses requires much the same response from us. We have to get informed, become stronger and work to separate our feelings from our actions and believe me this is very very hard to do especially with a child/young adult whom we love so very much. One thing to know right away---there is no one thing you can do right or wrong number at any point in this journey that is going to change what happens one way or the other. You don't have that power. You can influence what he does but you can't make it happen. He has to be in charge of his own life for better or worse as hard as that is to watch. It is especially hard for we mothers who raise sons and have had of course a very involved role in their lives while they are growing up. Now we have to make a huge shift and learn to let them go but not to a great life as we thought it would be but sometimes to a very slow or very steep decline. That is incredibly difficult and you will need a lot of support. This forum, alanon, NAMI, books can help you start to learn and think differently. For your hurting heart you need to start taking really good care of yourself and that is something new for most of us as moms too. This is a lot of change for you and it is going to take some time. Please read this website and you will get a lot of good thinking right away. Read it over and over and start writing some things down that resonate with you. Keep it all close by. Also know that we are close by and we get it. We care. We are here for you now and in the future. Hang in there. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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Help!! Need advice about my 18 year old son!
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