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Help on difficult child returning home
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<blockquote data-quote="allhaileris" data-source="post: 542176" data-attributes="member: 5663"><p>When my daughter was in foster care we moved, so that kind of helped with the shaking up of things (and one of the stressors that led her to go there, unfortunately). One of the things we did was totally go through her room and throw out anything we thought needed to go, including some broken furniture. We gave her a new bookcase, organized it for her. One of her biggest issues with her room is she gets overwhelmed and instead of picking it up before it gets worse, she just makes it worse. She also hid things a lot, so we took her bed off the frame and it's sitting on the floor so she can't shove stuff under it. She had broken the wall with the door handle, and had been stuffing food in the hole (we had to break the wall when we moved, took out the rotten food and patched it up). </p><p></p><p>We had to make sure that there were no places she couldn't go, because we can't really stop her much, she's broken locks and figured out the combo locks pretty quickly. We had to make sure everywhere was safe. Right now the garage is off limits to her unless we're in there with her, but it's still filled with boxes from moving, camping gear and husband's computer hoarding pile. It's not friendly anyway. We made sure the gates were locked with padlocks (I need to change the combos again, but it stops her from just leaving quickly, but at least it looks good to CPS).</p><p></p><p>The whole experience of foster care itself really shook her up. They took her because she lied about being hit, when she had hit herself. It would have been easier for us if it had been "therapeutic" and not forced based on false accusations, but it helped her see that we're actually pretty decent parents to not take for granted. She was spanked and yelled at in foster care. She cried herself to sleep every night. Now she has stopped totally lashing out at me, although the lying hasn't stopped in the slightest. She's a little more helpful around the house, but only a little.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't shake things up too much, seeing the comfort of one's stuff may be helpful for his transition back home. But yeah, use it as an opportunity to get rid of the stupid stuff and broken toys that he lets build up. But don't take too much away. I know too many people who can't let go of anything because their mom (always the mom, don't know why) took away their toys when they were a kid and they never got over it. My husband has that problem. He went somewhere and his mom threw away all his models that he spent so much time making. She did that quite a few times, never had any respect for his stuff. Now I can't even get him to throw away a magazine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="allhaileris, post: 542176, member: 5663"] When my daughter was in foster care we moved, so that kind of helped with the shaking up of things (and one of the stressors that led her to go there, unfortunately). One of the things we did was totally go through her room and throw out anything we thought needed to go, including some broken furniture. We gave her a new bookcase, organized it for her. One of her biggest issues with her room is she gets overwhelmed and instead of picking it up before it gets worse, she just makes it worse. She also hid things a lot, so we took her bed off the frame and it's sitting on the floor so she can't shove stuff under it. She had broken the wall with the door handle, and had been stuffing food in the hole (we had to break the wall when we moved, took out the rotten food and patched it up). We had to make sure that there were no places she couldn't go, because we can't really stop her much, she's broken locks and figured out the combo locks pretty quickly. We had to make sure everywhere was safe. Right now the garage is off limits to her unless we're in there with her, but it's still filled with boxes from moving, camping gear and husband's computer hoarding pile. It's not friendly anyway. We made sure the gates were locked with padlocks (I need to change the combos again, but it stops her from just leaving quickly, but at least it looks good to CPS). The whole experience of foster care itself really shook her up. They took her because she lied about being hit, when she had hit herself. It would have been easier for us if it had been "therapeutic" and not forced based on false accusations, but it helped her see that we're actually pretty decent parents to not take for granted. She was spanked and yelled at in foster care. She cried herself to sleep every night. Now she has stopped totally lashing out at me, although the lying hasn't stopped in the slightest. She's a little more helpful around the house, but only a little. I wouldn't shake things up too much, seeing the comfort of one's stuff may be helpful for his transition back home. But yeah, use it as an opportunity to get rid of the stupid stuff and broken toys that he lets build up. But don't take too much away. I know too many people who can't let go of anything because their mom (always the mom, don't know why) took away their toys when they were a kid and they never got over it. My husband has that problem. He went somewhere and his mom threw away all his models that he spent so much time making. She did that quite a few times, never had any respect for his stuff. Now I can't even get him to throw away a magazine. [/QUOTE]
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