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Help please - 8 yr old bipolar
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 321096" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>rlsnights, that was what I was about to say!</p><p></p><p>Seriously - it won't be quite the same because you will have the other children out of there, but otherwise he needs to take time off work for a week to be her sole carer. </p><p></p><p>Your husband wants you both to commit to Ann, especially given the ghastly start she's had in life. This is very loving of him and very commendable. But unless he really knows for sure just how much of an investment this is for ALL of you, then it is no sacrifice at all. </p><p></p><p>That is why, if he really wants you to keep Ann with you, HE needs to take a solid turn at the task so he has a better idea of what is needed.</p><p></p><p>Whether you stay in touch over the phone or not - that is up to you. It could help him to debrief at the end of every day, to discuss what they did and what he observed. Encourage him to keep a diary - remember, the purpose of this is to help him understand the broader picture, it is not for you to make him see things you way. He may discover something that could help. He may see something you have missed. Or he may not. But the point here is - whatever decision you make for ann, you make that decision together, with each of you individually having personal understanding of exactly what is involved. You also, BOTH of you, need to look into exactly what the alternatives are. Therapeutic foster care, for example, is something husband needs to look into as well. I can hear myself in his cry, "Who will hug her each day?"</p><p></p><p>I had to go back to work after my first child was born. I had to place her in long day care when she was 12 weeks old. I also cried to myself, "Who will cuddle her when she needs comforting?"</p><p>I asked them that question, but by the time I saw the child care centre in action I knew I didn't need to worry - I watched them pick up the babies for a cuddle, I watched them play with the babies, I watched them encourage the toddlers as they learned to walk - of course I may not have been there for her first steps, but for me, those first steps were the ones I saw.</p><p></p><p>I had to go to the place to find out. I asked questions. And I did try the alternative - takin g the baby to work instead - for two weeks. It did not work out, it would not have been as good for her as the child care centre was. I was a better parent for it, she was a well-rounded and highly stimulated (and loved) child. We saw a lot of one another because I spent my break time with the baby at the centre. I was able to continue breast-feeding.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, if Ann is your child in your hearts, this needn't be seen as a pushing away step. But all such decisions need to be fuly informed.</p><p></p><p>If husband wants to have such a strong say in the decision, he needs to really understand as much of what he is asking of you, as possible.</p><p></p><p>If he can't take the time off work, then he has to accept that you may be a better authority than him in this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 321096, member: 1991"] rlsnights, that was what I was about to say! Seriously - it won't be quite the same because you will have the other children out of there, but otherwise he needs to take time off work for a week to be her sole carer. Your husband wants you both to commit to Ann, especially given the ghastly start she's had in life. This is very loving of him and very commendable. But unless he really knows for sure just how much of an investment this is for ALL of you, then it is no sacrifice at all. That is why, if he really wants you to keep Ann with you, HE needs to take a solid turn at the task so he has a better idea of what is needed. Whether you stay in touch over the phone or not - that is up to you. It could help him to debrief at the end of every day, to discuss what they did and what he observed. Encourage him to keep a diary - remember, the purpose of this is to help him understand the broader picture, it is not for you to make him see things you way. He may discover something that could help. He may see something you have missed. Or he may not. But the point here is - whatever decision you make for ann, you make that decision together, with each of you individually having personal understanding of exactly what is involved. You also, BOTH of you, need to look into exactly what the alternatives are. Therapeutic foster care, for example, is something husband needs to look into as well. I can hear myself in his cry, "Who will hug her each day?" I had to go back to work after my first child was born. I had to place her in long day care when she was 12 weeks old. I also cried to myself, "Who will cuddle her when she needs comforting?" I asked them that question, but by the time I saw the child care centre in action I knew I didn't need to worry - I watched them pick up the babies for a cuddle, I watched them play with the babies, I watched them encourage the toddlers as they learned to walk - of course I may not have been there for her first steps, but for me, those first steps were the ones I saw. I had to go to the place to find out. I asked questions. And I did try the alternative - takin g the baby to work instead - for two weeks. It did not work out, it would not have been as good for her as the child care centre was. I was a better parent for it, she was a well-rounded and highly stimulated (and loved) child. We saw a lot of one another because I spent my break time with the baby at the centre. I was able to continue breast-feeding. The thing is, if Ann is your child in your hearts, this needn't be seen as a pushing away step. But all such decisions need to be fuly informed. If husband wants to have such a strong say in the decision, he needs to really understand as much of what he is asking of you, as possible. If he can't take the time off work, then he has to accept that you may be a better authority than him in this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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