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Help! Poor social skills...now I'm afraid to volunteer again
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 608024" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have encountered similar reactions but not at volunteer jobs. Well, I take that back, there was one volunteer position years ago that left me feeling confused and unwelcome. I looked at the people involved and didn't want any part of their snobbery and felt they did not deserve the pleasure of my company.</p><p></p><p>I think my town is odd because here if you come to help and behave reasonably, people ignore your quirks and gaffes. Of course we are a college town and in my opinion most people here with time to volunteer are either with the university or the hospital and are also more than a tad odd. College towns seem to bring that out in people, in my opinion.</p><p></p><p>Is it possible to realize that the problem at the job was a vicious whacko and at the other volunteer place was the caliber of people there? in my opinion you are WAY better than those people (felons, etc...) and their treatment of you was more about their own self loathing. I don't think anything you could have done would have helped because they didn't want another volunteer, they wanted a victim. I have seen this in more than a few people caught in the revolving door criminal life cycle and they are so far away from normal behavior that it can be incredibly hard to interact with them. THEIR behavior is more predatory and difficult to handle unless you are more self confident than most people. SO maybe the problems lately are not with you but iwth the groups that you have been around. You may have some social awkwardness, but you are one of the sweetest, most loving and caring people around and many people just don't know how to handle that with-o taking advantage and/or trying to make you feel bad. I have gone through this and have no clue why people are that way, but they can be. When a groups seems to be vicious like that, I pack up my cookies and leave to find another group that will share the cookies rather than greedily snarf them all down and then get angry because I didn't bring a limitless supply of cookies. Some groups are not worth the effort to fit in because the dynamic is a bad fit.</p><p></p><p>That does NOT mean you are awful, it means something in the group is not compatible with what you bring to the group. I do think getting the lay of the land before becoming greatly invested in the group is a very good idea. So is letting them know that you have some quirks IF and WHEN you feel the time is right. </p><p></p><p>The problem at the other volunteer job is with them, not you. They seem very territorial and possessive and that speaks far more about their insecurities and problems than about you. Some groups just are strange and insecure and not a good fit for some people. I have endured that and while it isn't fun, it is helpful to realize it is largely more about them than you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 608024, member: 1233"] I have encountered similar reactions but not at volunteer jobs. Well, I take that back, there was one volunteer position years ago that left me feeling confused and unwelcome. I looked at the people involved and didn't want any part of their snobbery and felt they did not deserve the pleasure of my company. I think my town is odd because here if you come to help and behave reasonably, people ignore your quirks and gaffes. Of course we are a college town and in my opinion most people here with time to volunteer are either with the university or the hospital and are also more than a tad odd. College towns seem to bring that out in people, in my opinion. Is it possible to realize that the problem at the job was a vicious whacko and at the other volunteer place was the caliber of people there? in my opinion you are WAY better than those people (felons, etc...) and their treatment of you was more about their own self loathing. I don't think anything you could have done would have helped because they didn't want another volunteer, they wanted a victim. I have seen this in more than a few people caught in the revolving door criminal life cycle and they are so far away from normal behavior that it can be incredibly hard to interact with them. THEIR behavior is more predatory and difficult to handle unless you are more self confident than most people. SO maybe the problems lately are not with you but iwth the groups that you have been around. You may have some social awkwardness, but you are one of the sweetest, most loving and caring people around and many people just don't know how to handle that with-o taking advantage and/or trying to make you feel bad. I have gone through this and have no clue why people are that way, but they can be. When a groups seems to be vicious like that, I pack up my cookies and leave to find another group that will share the cookies rather than greedily snarf them all down and then get angry because I didn't bring a limitless supply of cookies. Some groups are not worth the effort to fit in because the dynamic is a bad fit. That does NOT mean you are awful, it means something in the group is not compatible with what you bring to the group. I do think getting the lay of the land before becoming greatly invested in the group is a very good idea. So is letting them know that you have some quirks IF and WHEN you feel the time is right. The problem at the other volunteer job is with them, not you. They seem very territorial and possessive and that speaks far more about their insecurities and problems than about you. Some groups just are strange and insecure and not a good fit for some people. I have endured that and while it isn't fun, it is helpful to realize it is largely more about them than you. [/QUOTE]
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Help! Poor social skills...now I'm afraid to volunteer again
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