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Help! Possible rape or sexual abuse...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 691500" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Seen in this light, that your daughter told you about the rape is a vote of confidence and trust in you, ksm. When our daughter talks about her adolescence now, she talks about social anxiety, and about the shame she felt at how the things she thought she was doing turned so ugly, so fast.</p><p></p><p>About how confusing that was, and how shaming. </p><p></p><p>She'd thought she was taking charge. She'd believed she was being strong and defiant and rebellious and cool. And ugly, hurtful things happened instead. </p><p></p><p>She could admit she'd been wrong in her thinking, which would have been very hard to do at that point. Or, she could continue on the same path, proving she was as strong and defiant and rebellious as she wished she were.</p><p></p><p>So it isn't so much about blaming the rapist (which is what we want to do ~ name the bad guy for what he is and see him humiliated and punished) or the friends. Or even the alcohol. It is about teaching the kids that we all make mistakes. That none of us does this right every time, and that there are people out there who will hurt us if they can and no one can say why. It is about teaching them that we all have done things we feel badly about ourselves for, but that we are all going to come through this. What happens to us is part of our story, but it isn't our whole story.</p><p></p><p>We didn't know so much about that, when our daughter was young. I wish I had known how to help her.</p><p></p><p>I did not have this site, then.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 691500, member: 17461"] Seen in this light, that your daughter told you about the rape is a vote of confidence and trust in you, ksm. When our daughter talks about her adolescence now, she talks about social anxiety, and about the shame she felt at how the things she thought she was doing turned so ugly, so fast. About how confusing that was, and how shaming. She'd thought she was taking charge. She'd believed she was being strong and defiant and rebellious and cool. And ugly, hurtful things happened instead. She could admit she'd been wrong in her thinking, which would have been very hard to do at that point. Or, she could continue on the same path, proving she was as strong and defiant and rebellious as she wished she were. So it isn't so much about blaming the rapist (which is what we want to do ~ name the bad guy for what he is and see him humiliated and punished) or the friends. Or even the alcohol. It is about teaching the kids that we all make mistakes. That none of us does this right every time, and that there are people out there who will hurt us if they can and no one can say why. It is about teaching them that we all have done things we feel badly about ourselves for, but that we are all going to come through this. What happens to us is part of our story, but it isn't our whole story. We didn't know so much about that, when our daughter was young. I wish I had known how to help her. I did not have this site, then. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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