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Help requested by new member - sorry if this has been covered elsewhere!
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 492796"><p>Hi strugglng,</p><p></p><p>I am not sure exactly what I would do in your situation. I do have a son who has done acid several times. The last time he had a pretty bad trip. The drug use of course is a big worry. I think you have to ask yourself if she is likely to listen to you if you say anything. It is certainly a trade off between doing what is good for your relationship and also letting her know of your concern. In the end she is going to do what she is going to do. Sounds like she already has a substance abuse issue... this is not the start of it. Is there any way at some point you can let her know you are concerned about possible drug use without pinpointing what you know from FB. For what its worth I would have looked at the FB page also left on my computer.</p><p></p><p>The other big issue is the problem with her boyfriend. This is very tricky and something I know something about. It sounds like he is definitely abusive and controlling. This is really hard to watch. One thing that abusive men do is try to isolate their partners from family and friends... so you are right if you confront her about the drug use he will use that as a way to isolate her from you even more. The fact that she is staying connected to you is a good sign. So in that situation the absolute best thing you can do is to let her know you are there for her and that when she is in trouble she can come to you.... do what you can to not let his attempt to isolate her from you succeed.</p><p></p><p>As far as alanon. I have been going to a parents alanon meeting and it has been hugely helpful. They do talk about higher power and use the word God but it is not based on any particular religion but is your own definition. I am agnostic and for me the higher power has more to do with the bond and support of the group, and kind of my feeling of what will be will be.... very undefined. I have found it very helpful to find other parents who have kids who are drug addicts.</p><p></p><p>And the other thing I want to say is to stop blaming yourself. Ok so there were some less than perfect situations when she was growing up. That is true in most families (no matter what hallmark tells us). She is now 21 and is an adult and making her own decisions. Her current choices and decisions are not your fault... as they say in alanon you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it.</p><p></p><p>Keep coming here... there are several of us that really understand what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 492796"] Hi strugglng, I am not sure exactly what I would do in your situation. I do have a son who has done acid several times. The last time he had a pretty bad trip. The drug use of course is a big worry. I think you have to ask yourself if she is likely to listen to you if you say anything. It is certainly a trade off between doing what is good for your relationship and also letting her know of your concern. In the end she is going to do what she is going to do. Sounds like she already has a substance abuse issue... this is not the start of it. Is there any way at some point you can let her know you are concerned about possible drug use without pinpointing what you know from FB. For what its worth I would have looked at the FB page also left on my computer. The other big issue is the problem with her boyfriend. This is very tricky and something I know something about. It sounds like he is definitely abusive and controlling. This is really hard to watch. One thing that abusive men do is try to isolate their partners from family and friends... so you are right if you confront her about the drug use he will use that as a way to isolate her from you even more. The fact that she is staying connected to you is a good sign. So in that situation the absolute best thing you can do is to let her know you are there for her and that when she is in trouble she can come to you.... do what you can to not let his attempt to isolate her from you succeed. As far as alanon. I have been going to a parents alanon meeting and it has been hugely helpful. They do talk about higher power and use the word God but it is not based on any particular religion but is your own definition. I am agnostic and for me the higher power has more to do with the bond and support of the group, and kind of my feeling of what will be will be.... very undefined. I have found it very helpful to find other parents who have kids who are drug addicts. And the other thing I want to say is to stop blaming yourself. Ok so there were some less than perfect situations when she was growing up. That is true in most families (no matter what hallmark tells us). She is now 21 and is an adult and making her own decisions. Her current choices and decisions are not your fault... as they say in alanon you didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. Keep coming here... there are several of us that really understand what you are going through. TL [/QUOTE]
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