Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
HELP - Suicidal difficult child out of p-hospital!!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621415" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Welcome to more of the difficult child saga.</p><p></p><p>I think it would be a great idea if everyone tells her she can't stay with them. In fact, I don't think you should let her come home at all. She is of age and refusing to comply with her treatment and probably horrible to live with. How would it help her to let her come home? If her boyfriend is willing to join in, terrific. There IS a problem.</p><p></p><p>You can't make her go back and they may not even take her back, since she is no longer actively suicidal. Plus she is not following their rules, which does not make the people trying to help her very warm and fuzzy toward her. Even if she goes back, if she refuses treatment, she isn't going to get help. She clearly does not want to get better so she won't.</p><p></p><p>You are trying to control her. You can control YOURSELVES. You can and should set boundaries, like making her find somewhere else to live, cutting off the money supply, making her live her own life, no matter where that takes her, if she won't get help. And then she decides whether or not she is going to let herself be manipulated. The things about our difficult children is that, although they love to control us, they often will literally do anything NOT to do what WE want, including acting dangerous, being abusive, even sleeping under a bridge. Many a difficult child has slept under a bridge because homeless s helters don't allow you to be intoxicated while there. They choose the bridge.</p><p></p><p>Nobody, not even you with your kind, loving mommy heart, can make your daughter improve. There is only one person in the world who can make her do that and that is herself. She has to want to get better and accept treatment and become compliant and it also takes hard work. It's not easy to recover from a mental illness or drug abuse or both. The person has to be very eager to get better and then to do it on her own.</p><p></p><p>Hospitals have become only a place to go for medical stability. Your daughter is not in medical danger and isn't following their program. She is not currently threatening to kill herself. They can't make her stay and probably are happy to see her go, since she isn't being cooperative. I've been in psychiatric hospitals three times (twice for medication adjustments but once for depression). The people who refuse treatment disrupt the routine and are difficult for the staff. Some cause verbal or physical fights. They aren't going to beg these people to stay. Many have no insurance...yep, that matters.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you try to find some peace and serenity in your life today. Just because your daughter is struggling, that does not mean you can't have some good moments today with your other loved ones. Take a deep breath. Think about the boundaries you want to set. Think about what YOU want to do about your grown daughter. YOU matter as much as she does, although the first time somebody told that to me, I think I was actually indignant that anyone would tell me I mattered as much as my child. So, if I were you (which I'm not and I realize this), I would not let her come home, cut off the money machine, and take a hard stance. Until she is serious about getting help, she won't. We can't make them get help, but we don't have to enable them to remain sick by treating them with kid gloves and doing anything they want us to because they are mentally ill. Honestly, in my opinion, the best thing we can do for them is to make them stand on their own two feet and decide what they want to do with their illness.You, the boyfriend and even the hospital can not make her do the hard work it takes to get better. If she isnt' going to work hard, what can they do? What can you do with a person who has had knee surgery but refuses to do the physical therapy to be able to be comfortable again? It is the same thing. </p><p></p><p>It's early and maybe I didn't write very coherently. But I want you to know that my heart is with you and I feel your hurting mommy heart. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621415, member: 1550"] Hi there. Welcome to more of the difficult child saga. I think it would be a great idea if everyone tells her she can't stay with them. In fact, I don't think you should let her come home at all. She is of age and refusing to comply with her treatment and probably horrible to live with. How would it help her to let her come home? If her boyfriend is willing to join in, terrific. There IS a problem. You can't make her go back and they may not even take her back, since she is no longer actively suicidal. Plus she is not following their rules, which does not make the people trying to help her very warm and fuzzy toward her. Even if she goes back, if she refuses treatment, she isn't going to get help. She clearly does not want to get better so she won't. You are trying to control her. You can control YOURSELVES. You can and should set boundaries, like making her find somewhere else to live, cutting off the money supply, making her live her own life, no matter where that takes her, if she won't get help. And then she decides whether or not she is going to let herself be manipulated. The things about our difficult children is that, although they love to control us, they often will literally do anything NOT to do what WE want, including acting dangerous, being abusive, even sleeping under a bridge. Many a difficult child has slept under a bridge because homeless s helters don't allow you to be intoxicated while there. They choose the bridge. Nobody, not even you with your kind, loving mommy heart, can make your daughter improve. There is only one person in the world who can make her do that and that is herself. She has to want to get better and accept treatment and become compliant and it also takes hard work. It's not easy to recover from a mental illness or drug abuse or both. The person has to be very eager to get better and then to do it on her own. Hospitals have become only a place to go for medical stability. Your daughter is not in medical danger and isn't following their program. She is not currently threatening to kill herself. They can't make her stay and probably are happy to see her go, since she isn't being cooperative. I've been in psychiatric hospitals three times (twice for medication adjustments but once for depression). The people who refuse treatment disrupt the routine and are difficult for the staff. Some cause verbal or physical fights. They aren't going to beg these people to stay. Many have no insurance...yep, that matters. I suggest you try to find some peace and serenity in your life today. Just because your daughter is struggling, that does not mean you can't have some good moments today with your other loved ones. Take a deep breath. Think about the boundaries you want to set. Think about what YOU want to do about your grown daughter. YOU matter as much as she does, although the first time somebody told that to me, I think I was actually indignant that anyone would tell me I mattered as much as my child. So, if I were you (which I'm not and I realize this), I would not let her come home, cut off the money machine, and take a hard stance. Until she is serious about getting help, she won't. We can't make them get help, but we don't have to enable them to remain sick by treating them with kid gloves and doing anything they want us to because they are mentally ill. Honestly, in my opinion, the best thing we can do for them is to make them stand on their own two feet and decide what they want to do with their illness.You, the boyfriend and even the hospital can not make her do the hard work it takes to get better. If she isnt' going to work hard, what can they do? What can you do with a person who has had knee surgery but refuses to do the physical therapy to be able to be comfortable again? It is the same thing. It's early and maybe I didn't write very coherently. But I want you to know that my heart is with you and I feel your hurting mommy heart. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
HELP - Suicidal difficult child out of p-hospital!!
Top