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<blockquote data-quote="hurtinginky" data-source="post: 413080" data-attributes="member: 11373"><p>Thank you! I, too, find myself in a very similar situation as original poster. I have a 21 year old daughter who is destroying her life. My nutshell story is that she had 1 DUI and went to treatment - did well for about 4 months - met a boy - a "BAD" boy - got 2 drug possession charges within 3 months - went to counseling - did well for 6 months with the help of AA and now back at it - stealing, lying and 99.9% sure using again. We (parents) have done everything we possibly could to help her - provided her with treatment; attorneys and continued to allow her to live in our home (with conditions) while she worked to get her life back in order. She was doing extremely well for a period of about 6 months when all of the sudden last week things started changing. She wasn't coming home and seemed to be avoiding us. Of course, it threw up a red flag - we KNEW something wasn't right. Confronted her with drug test and it came back clean except for Amphetamine which we wrote off as her ADD medicine. However, slurring of speech, stumbling, glassy, floating eyes told us something was definitely not right. To give her the benefit of a doubt (again) we took her to an MD who stated that anxiety was the reason for her symptoms - that anxiety mimics alcohol consumption. Hard to believe but she's the MD, not me. Anyway, again found daughter in same condition, slurred speech, stumbling, eyes glassy and immediately performed a drug test (saliva) and breathalizer. All came back negative except for the Opiates. Now, that was a new one to us. Had her do the test 3 times - 2 of those times she left the room while doing it... 1 time I sat with her and watched every move she made during testing. One of the tests it looks like she attempted to alter the opiates by drawing a line on the test screen to indicate a negative reading. other two definitely came back positive. Last straw. I've done everything for her and I'm neglecting my other children because of this. I can feel those kids becoming resentful and even hating their sister now. She is literally tearing the family apart. </p><p> </p><p>This morning, I found her and a boy in her bedroom upstairs in MY house. That was it - threw her out. I just need to be strong and not fall for her lies anymore. I think, we as parents, tend to want to deny there is a problem because in some way it my be a reflection of our parenting. However, I've come to the realization that I am in no way responsible for the choices my daughter makes. I have 2 sons both doing extremely well. No drinking and no drugging from them. They are involved in sports and community activities. They do well in school. So, I have assurance from looking at them that I am NOT the terrible parent I thought I was.</p><p> </p><p>I find it humerous how these addicted children try to blame everyone else for their problems. How they attempt to "turn the tables" and make us the bad ones. I pray for all of them. I pray for their safety in this cruel world. I pray for their lives to be spared long enough to find the help they need - which THEY need to do on their own. </p><p> </p><p>This morning I took all she had except for her new car (yes, she was doing so well 4 weeks ago, we purchased her a brand new car). She, however, will have over $1300 monthly expenses by the time I cancel her car insurance, cancel her cell phone, cancel her health insurance and stop paying her school tuition. She has nothing and I fear for what she is going to do but I can't dwell on it. It is what it is and I can just pray that she finds peace in her life to the point she doesn't need to lie, cheat, steal or use any mind-altering drugs/alcohol. </p><p> </p><p>She is a great person. A truly beautiful being... but only when she is clean and sober.</p><p> </p><p>So, I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone in your situation. I, too, will be struggling emotionally the next few weeks with this. It is hard to be betrayed by your own children. Whether it is their stealing from you or their lying to you... it hurts. We birthed these children and raised them day-in and day-out for the past 21 years only to be rewarded with their poor decisions that obviously don't bother them but eat the parents alive. It is nothing we did - we MUST remember that. Being strong to yourself is key. They are adults now and they should be responsible for their own actions. The friends they choose (unfortunately) are probably the majority of the problems. We've always said my daughter's "picker was broken" meaning she cannot pick good friends - she gravitates to needy people and people with issues themselves, be it drugs, single parenthood, etc. I can honestly say that not ONE of my daughter's friends (in her entire lifetime) has been a good influence on her. </p><p> </p><p>God be with you as you try to get through this tough love thing. Know that I am here with you - going through the same thing. My daughter is naiive and I do fear for her. I have to let go and let God... as they say in AA. </p><p> </p><p>Thank you to everyone who posts to this thread as your views are so important to me. I need the reassurance that I'm not alone. I need the reassurance that I am not responsible for this destructive behavior. While I know in my head that I cannot continue, my heart does cry for her and I do sometimes get sucked into the lies. I can't do that anymore and I need this forum to keep me strong!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hurtinginky, post: 413080, member: 11373"] Thank you! I, too, find myself in a very similar situation as original poster. I have a 21 year old daughter who is destroying her life. My nutshell story is that she had 1 DUI and went to treatment - did well for about 4 months - met a boy - a "BAD" boy - got 2 drug possession charges within 3 months - went to counseling - did well for 6 months with the help of AA and now back at it - stealing, lying and 99.9% sure using again. We (parents) have done everything we possibly could to help her - provided her with treatment; attorneys and continued to allow her to live in our home (with conditions) while she worked to get her life back in order. She was doing extremely well for a period of about 6 months when all of the sudden last week things started changing. She wasn't coming home and seemed to be avoiding us. Of course, it threw up a red flag - we KNEW something wasn't right. Confronted her with drug test and it came back clean except for Amphetamine which we wrote off as her ADD medicine. However, slurring of speech, stumbling, glassy, floating eyes told us something was definitely not right. To give her the benefit of a doubt (again) we took her to an MD who stated that anxiety was the reason for her symptoms - that anxiety mimics alcohol consumption. Hard to believe but she's the MD, not me. Anyway, again found daughter in same condition, slurred speech, stumbling, eyes glassy and immediately performed a drug test (saliva) and breathalizer. All came back negative except for the Opiates. Now, that was a new one to us. Had her do the test 3 times - 2 of those times she left the room while doing it... 1 time I sat with her and watched every move she made during testing. One of the tests it looks like she attempted to alter the opiates by drawing a line on the test screen to indicate a negative reading. other two definitely came back positive. Last straw. I've done everything for her and I'm neglecting my other children because of this. I can feel those kids becoming resentful and even hating their sister now. She is literally tearing the family apart. This morning, I found her and a boy in her bedroom upstairs in MY house. That was it - threw her out. I just need to be strong and not fall for her lies anymore. I think, we as parents, tend to want to deny there is a problem because in some way it my be a reflection of our parenting. However, I've come to the realization that I am in no way responsible for the choices my daughter makes. I have 2 sons both doing extremely well. No drinking and no drugging from them. They are involved in sports and community activities. They do well in school. So, I have assurance from looking at them that I am NOT the terrible parent I thought I was. I find it humerous how these addicted children try to blame everyone else for their problems. How they attempt to "turn the tables" and make us the bad ones. I pray for all of them. I pray for their safety in this cruel world. I pray for their lives to be spared long enough to find the help they need - which THEY need to do on their own. This morning I took all she had except for her new car (yes, she was doing so well 4 weeks ago, we purchased her a brand new car). She, however, will have over $1300 monthly expenses by the time I cancel her car insurance, cancel her cell phone, cancel her health insurance and stop paying her school tuition. She has nothing and I fear for what she is going to do but I can't dwell on it. It is what it is and I can just pray that she finds peace in her life to the point she doesn't need to lie, cheat, steal or use any mind-altering drugs/alcohol. She is a great person. A truly beautiful being... but only when she is clean and sober. So, I wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone in your situation. I, too, will be struggling emotionally the next few weeks with this. It is hard to be betrayed by your own children. Whether it is their stealing from you or their lying to you... it hurts. We birthed these children and raised them day-in and day-out for the past 21 years only to be rewarded with their poor decisions that obviously don't bother them but eat the parents alive. It is nothing we did - we MUST remember that. Being strong to yourself is key. They are adults now and they should be responsible for their own actions. The friends they choose (unfortunately) are probably the majority of the problems. We've always said my daughter's "picker was broken" meaning she cannot pick good friends - she gravitates to needy people and people with issues themselves, be it drugs, single parenthood, etc. I can honestly say that not ONE of my daughter's friends (in her entire lifetime) has been a good influence on her. God be with you as you try to get through this tough love thing. Know that I am here with you - going through the same thing. My daughter is naiive and I do fear for her. I have to let go and let God... as they say in AA. Thank you to everyone who posts to this thread as your views are so important to me. I need the reassurance that I'm not alone. I need the reassurance that I am not responsible for this destructive behavior. While I know in my head that I cannot continue, my heart does cry for her and I do sometimes get sucked into the lies. I can't do that anymore and I need this forum to keep me strong!! [/QUOTE]
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