Sue,
DON'T give them any room to set a "policy" that is contrary to law. The Supreme Court (Tatro, 1984) ruled that intermittant clean cathereterization is NOT a medical service and therefore must be provided. If this is the case, changing diapers clearly is not medical and is necessary for Boo to attend school. It does not matter how long it takes--or how many people it takes, they have to do it until the day he reaches 22 (if he and you still want him there.)
Please don't ask for their policy unless you intend to catch them in a mis-step so you can go to Due Process and then into court (which I doubt.) If they think you do not know the law, they will invent some illegal policy that you will have to fight. There can be no such policy, and whatever else you hammer out at the IEP meeting, don't ask for trouble--they'll give it to you.
If you want to put the fear of God into them, ask them to start thinking about a transitional plan for Boo's next 4 years. You want them to believe that they are losing the push out battle.
In a very different set of circumstances, I used the threat of returning ex-difficult child to public high school very much to his benefit. They did not want my son and your SD does not want you and Boo for four more years. However, up until age 22, it is you not them who decides when Boo's education is "complete."
It is good you keep your sword well polished.
Martie
