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<blockquote data-quote="livelovebreathe" data-source="post: 617168" data-attributes="member: 17560"><p>So, a situation happened today... because I was working from home.... I went down stairs, on my 'lunch break' and saw the biggest messes all over my living room and kitchen... I lost it... I am too drained now to rehash it, earlier I talked to a friend in chat... this is our conversation. Even though I work from home sometimes I am on calls back to back and can't get up and leisurely do chores too.... I just felt too depressed to go into the office... my house is not 'super' bad,.. you know it's just ... it's time to do everything again: Dust, dishes, vacuum, trash, etc... it's all piling up and my kid's junk all over the house and plates with food still on it on the table from yesterday just made me lose it... anyways... here's the conversation, and the drama of my life today: </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Me: </p><p>Shawn, I have a mommy question for you </p><p>one only a mother can answer.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>ask away</p><p></p><p>Me: Okay... so... I need advice </p><p></p><p>Shawn: </p><p>ok</p><p></p><p>Me: My kids are lazy, and they never want to do chores... I am so easy going, that I work, I go to school, I come home, I clean, I do all this... and I am getting to the point where I am feeling angry and resentful, because I just feel like they don't treat this place like a nice home, but more like a dump... it's always getting thrashed and no one wants to help, it's always "i didn't do it,.. or it's not my mess..." etc... everyone makes the messes... My issue is, I get home so late, and am so tired.... I can't deal with it, I don't wanna yell or scream or make demands... or anything I just want to come home to a peaceful place, and not be the sole contributor to all the rent and all the cleaning, since I live with adults. My kids are 23, 20, 17 all soon to be 24,21,18 this year... and one 22 year old ex boyfriend of my oldest, is living here... they eat my food, they use my house, they make huge messes and I am the only one that seems to care... help!?</p><p>I don't know what to do.. I hold it all in, and it bottles up and then like today I just explode on them and tell them they're all gonna have to move out I can't take it anymore.. and they're all upset at me now ... shaking and crying and they just totally jam session cleaned the house.. and I feel so guilty and bad that I yelled at them. I never do that. I just want their respect about this home and not have to let it get so dang bad all the time...</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>set rules and stick to them!</p><p>I had to with my daughter and she is 21</p><p>I don't even work and I was killing myself to keep up! and I finally put my foot down</p><p></p><p>Me: I've tried to set rules, it never works out.... I don't know .. .I think it's because I'm never home... and when I come home they know I'll be too wore out and tired to nag them at 11pm or midnight about the messes.</p><p>it's like "mom's not home, lets party" all the damn time.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>yeah not good and you need to say its my way or the highway!</p><p>tough love its hard to do</p><p></p><p>Me: the thing is... I'm struggling just to pay rent and bills and they don't even help with rent or bills... just lazy and stingy with their money.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>but you are a strong woman</p><p></p><p>Me: Yes, but I am not a yelling person, nor a demanding person, I can't manage people.. I don't like to tell people what to do.. I hate that at the bottom of my core. I just want them to 'want' to have a clean home, to 'want' to do nice things like help me out... but they're so self centered and in their own worlds they could care less about it ... seems like...</p><p>I don't know how to do this. I need counseling I think haha</p><p>Seriously... for depression related to holding in so much anger and resentment all the time against them. Every time I clean the house now I just feel like throwing all their crap in the trash. lol</p><p>I hold all that anger in and just keep being sweet nice mom.</p><p>I'm about to explode and go viral on their butts.</p><p>I told them today "I rage quit!"</p><p>I said, I do not want to live where with you all anymore, you all need to move out I am done being everyone's slave.</p><p>I lost it.</p><p>I don't think they knew what to do.. I am sure they were upset to see me get that mad, I never do that to them... never.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>well you need to lose it</p><p>my daughter is the exact same way!</p><p>And I have had it!</p><p></p><p>Me: I called my boyfriend crying, I said "Honey, I lost it on the kids." He said 'Are they finally cleaning the house?" I cried "Yes.." He said "Good, good job baby." haha</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>awwww I love that</p><p>I do the same with my husband call him crying</p><p></p><p>Me: I said "But I feel so guilty, I yelled at them, I don't like yelling, and I made them cry and they looked scared and I don't like to see that, I feel so guilty... I feel like they're going to be angry at me now.." He said "They have no right to be angry with you... they are the ones who pushed you too far..."</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>exactly he is right!</p><p></p><p>Me: He told me he was proud of me for getting on their cases, but I just bawled and said "That's not me though... I don't want to live that kind of life, I don't want to yell at people... and I don't want to feel anger or upset and I don't want to live with people who take advantage of me... it hurts. I'd never do that to anyone, and my kids know that and they see how push over I am and they take liberties and they take advantage why would they do that? Don't they love me?" I was soooooo upset.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>yes my daughter gets upset and cries</p><p>but I finally stood my ground</p><p></p><p>Me: haha I am such a mess today all crying.</p><p>I think the reason I don't like to yell is because my mom used to yell at me and my sister all the time for way less than I yelled about today and I used to feel like yelling was so inappropriate... and when I grew up I'd never be that way. I think that's why... ugh.</p><p>I just don't know how to get them to empathize with me... or want to keep this place clean... they're spoiled with me, why would they want to trash my home all the time... just doesn't make sense how they would even want to be in the living room with as messy as they make it.</p><p>My room is always super clean... and when I'm home they all wanna be in here where it's clean haha</p><p>That shows me they don't like the messes but they don't mind making them and don't wanna clean them.</p><p>Maybe I should try to find a person who is like a family counselor</p><p>and get all the kids together with me and go see that person.</p><p>I need intervention! These kids need boot camp!</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>i agree counseling might work well</p><p>they need to realize what you do for them and if putting it in their face is the only way then that is what is needed</p><p>I really feel for you!</p><p>i have been there</p><p>again the old me before my accident would of let it happen and I would of been just like you</p><p>the new me since my brain injury is no longer like that</p><p></p><p>Me: I think I should tell them how hard this struggle is for me... taking loans out just to pay rent... and trying to work two jobs and go to school and coming home to so much messes makes me not even want to bother continuing all this unnecessary stress... that to me it's just not worth it to take out loans to pay rent, when the people who are benefiting (them) aren't even making it worth my while!</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>Yes you should!</p><p>and if they are able they should really be helping you in one way or another</p><p>seriously - if it can't be financially then it needs to be to keep that house spotless and cooking</p><p></p><p>Me: I am not home enough to enjoy this place that I pay for, I would be happy in a one room studio.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>yeah... exactly....</p><p></p><p>Me: they seem to think since I always pay rent and bills that I am not struggling.. they don't see the scary nature of the truth, because I don't want them to realize how I live paycheck to paycheck and how one little thing goes wrong and we'd be homeless.. I don't want that stress on them.. I try to keep everything taken care of, I take out loans, work, borrow from Rico... etc.. I'm really way over budget all so they can have some place to call home that is nice and not cramped.</p><p>it's hard in California, it's super expensive here...</p><p>and even low income housing like this is expensive.</p><p>(for me) but I appreciate your listening.. ugh sometimes these kids have no idea how much I love them and how much I let them get away with so they never have to feel bad or guilty or restrained or anything.. I just want them to respect our home.They're super good kids, don't do drugs, are not in trouble with the law, are artistic and all that but damn are they clueless to their messes.. haha</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>You a truly like a wonder Mom even if you don't think so</p><p>they are so blessed and fortunate to have you and they need to appreciate that!</p><p>I am sad that they take you for granted</p><p>some one needs to bring this to their attention such as what if Mom was unable to do all this? then what would we do?</p><p></p><p>Me: awe!</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>you go above and beyond lady!</p><p>they are adults and you are still caring for them as if they are young children</p><p>time to make them step up some</p><p></p><p>Me: My own mom told them that they're lucky to have me as a mom.</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>absolutely</p><p></p><p>Me: I think they know it.. I think they do... their friends always tell them too</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>but they need to show it</p><p>that is the thing</p><p>and they are not</p><p>and it is hurting you and causing you undo stress</p><p></p><p>Me: Yeah... they probably have no idea it's upsetting me as much as it is, since I try to hold in my upset and don't show it... and I just let things slide so much and not nag.. I don't nag at all. I feel I shouldn't have to resort to that...</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>well you shouldn't and wouldn't if they were stepping up</p><p></p><p>Shawn:</p><p>you need to remind the kids they are now adults and should consider taking on jobs and such to be able to help out especially if you all are going to live together</p><p>with expenses being so high in Cali it takes all people in the house that are able to work to help</p><p></p><p>Chat Conversation End</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="livelovebreathe, post: 617168, member: 17560"] So, a situation happened today... because I was working from home.... I went down stairs, on my 'lunch break' and saw the biggest messes all over my living room and kitchen... I lost it... I am too drained now to rehash it, earlier I talked to a friend in chat... this is our conversation. Even though I work from home sometimes I am on calls back to back and can't get up and leisurely do chores too.... I just felt too depressed to go into the office... my house is not 'super' bad,.. you know it's just ... it's time to do everything again: Dust, dishes, vacuum, trash, etc... it's all piling up and my kid's junk all over the house and plates with food still on it on the table from yesterday just made me lose it... anyways... here's the conversation, and the drama of my life today: Me: Shawn, I have a mommy question for you one only a mother can answer. Shawn: ask away Me: Okay... so... I need advice Shawn: ok Me: My kids are lazy, and they never want to do chores... I am so easy going, that I work, I go to school, I come home, I clean, I do all this... and I am getting to the point where I am feeling angry and resentful, because I just feel like they don't treat this place like a nice home, but more like a dump... it's always getting thrashed and no one wants to help, it's always "i didn't do it,.. or it's not my mess..." etc... everyone makes the messes... My issue is, I get home so late, and am so tired.... I can't deal with it, I don't wanna yell or scream or make demands... or anything I just want to come home to a peaceful place, and not be the sole contributor to all the rent and all the cleaning, since I live with adults. My kids are 23, 20, 17 all soon to be 24,21,18 this year... and one 22 year old ex boyfriend of my oldest, is living here... they eat my food, they use my house, they make huge messes and I am the only one that seems to care... help!? I don't know what to do.. I hold it all in, and it bottles up and then like today I just explode on them and tell them they're all gonna have to move out I can't take it anymore.. and they're all upset at me now ... shaking and crying and they just totally jam session cleaned the house.. and I feel so guilty and bad that I yelled at them. I never do that. I just want their respect about this home and not have to let it get so dang bad all the time... Shawn: set rules and stick to them! I had to with my daughter and she is 21 I don't even work and I was killing myself to keep up! and I finally put my foot down Me: I've tried to set rules, it never works out.... I don't know .. .I think it's because I'm never home... and when I come home they know I'll be too wore out and tired to nag them at 11pm or midnight about the messes. it's like "mom's not home, lets party" all the damn time. Shawn: yeah not good and you need to say its my way or the highway! tough love its hard to do Me: the thing is... I'm struggling just to pay rent and bills and they don't even help with rent or bills... just lazy and stingy with their money. Shawn: but you are a strong woman Me: Yes, but I am not a yelling person, nor a demanding person, I can't manage people.. I don't like to tell people what to do.. I hate that at the bottom of my core. I just want them to 'want' to have a clean home, to 'want' to do nice things like help me out... but they're so self centered and in their own worlds they could care less about it ... seems like... I don't know how to do this. I need counseling I think haha Seriously... for depression related to holding in so much anger and resentment all the time against them. Every time I clean the house now I just feel like throwing all their crap in the trash. lol I hold all that anger in and just keep being sweet nice mom. I'm about to explode and go viral on their butts. I told them today "I rage quit!" I said, I do not want to live where with you all anymore, you all need to move out I am done being everyone's slave. I lost it. I don't think they knew what to do.. I am sure they were upset to see me get that mad, I never do that to them... never. Shawn: well you need to lose it my daughter is the exact same way! And I have had it! Me: I called my boyfriend crying, I said "Honey, I lost it on the kids." He said 'Are they finally cleaning the house?" I cried "Yes.." He said "Good, good job baby." haha Shawn: awwww I love that I do the same with my husband call him crying Me: I said "But I feel so guilty, I yelled at them, I don't like yelling, and I made them cry and they looked scared and I don't like to see that, I feel so guilty... I feel like they're going to be angry at me now.." He said "They have no right to be angry with you... they are the ones who pushed you too far..." Shawn: exactly he is right! Me: He told me he was proud of me for getting on their cases, but I just bawled and said "That's not me though... I don't want to live that kind of life, I don't want to yell at people... and I don't want to feel anger or upset and I don't want to live with people who take advantage of me... it hurts. I'd never do that to anyone, and my kids know that and they see how push over I am and they take liberties and they take advantage why would they do that? Don't they love me?" I was soooooo upset. Shawn: yes my daughter gets upset and cries but I finally stood my ground Me: haha I am such a mess today all crying. I think the reason I don't like to yell is because my mom used to yell at me and my sister all the time for way less than I yelled about today and I used to feel like yelling was so inappropriate... and when I grew up I'd never be that way. I think that's why... ugh. I just don't know how to get them to empathize with me... or want to keep this place clean... they're spoiled with me, why would they want to trash my home all the time... just doesn't make sense how they would even want to be in the living room with as messy as they make it. My room is always super clean... and when I'm home they all wanna be in here where it's clean haha That shows me they don't like the messes but they don't mind making them and don't wanna clean them. Maybe I should try to find a person who is like a family counselor and get all the kids together with me and go see that person. I need intervention! These kids need boot camp! Shawn: i agree counseling might work well they need to realize what you do for them and if putting it in their face is the only way then that is what is needed I really feel for you! i have been there again the old me before my accident would of let it happen and I would of been just like you the new me since my brain injury is no longer like that Me: I think I should tell them how hard this struggle is for me... taking loans out just to pay rent... and trying to work two jobs and go to school and coming home to so much messes makes me not even want to bother continuing all this unnecessary stress... that to me it's just not worth it to take out loans to pay rent, when the people who are benefiting (them) aren't even making it worth my while! Shawn: Yes you should! and if they are able they should really be helping you in one way or another seriously - if it can't be financially then it needs to be to keep that house spotless and cooking Me: I am not home enough to enjoy this place that I pay for, I would be happy in a one room studio. Shawn: yeah... exactly.... Me: they seem to think since I always pay rent and bills that I am not struggling.. they don't see the scary nature of the truth, because I don't want them to realize how I live paycheck to paycheck and how one little thing goes wrong and we'd be homeless.. I don't want that stress on them.. I try to keep everything taken care of, I take out loans, work, borrow from Rico... etc.. I'm really way over budget all so they can have some place to call home that is nice and not cramped. it's hard in California, it's super expensive here... and even low income housing like this is expensive. (for me) but I appreciate your listening.. ugh sometimes these kids have no idea how much I love them and how much I let them get away with so they never have to feel bad or guilty or restrained or anything.. I just want them to respect our home.They're super good kids, don't do drugs, are not in trouble with the law, are artistic and all that but damn are they clueless to their messes.. haha Shawn: You a truly like a wonder Mom even if you don't think so they are so blessed and fortunate to have you and they need to appreciate that! I am sad that they take you for granted some one needs to bring this to their attention such as what if Mom was unable to do all this? then what would we do? Me: awe! Shawn: you go above and beyond lady! they are adults and you are still caring for them as if they are young children time to make them step up some Me: My own mom told them that they're lucky to have me as a mom. Shawn: absolutely Me: I think they know it.. I think they do... their friends always tell them too Shawn: but they need to show it that is the thing and they are not and it is hurting you and causing you undo stress Me: Yeah... they probably have no idea it's upsetting me as much as it is, since I try to hold in my upset and don't show it... and I just let things slide so much and not nag.. I don't nag at all. I feel I shouldn't have to resort to that... Shawn: well you shouldn't and wouldn't if they were stepping up Shawn: you need to remind the kids they are now adults and should consider taking on jobs and such to be able to help out especially if you all are going to live together with expenses being so high in Cali it takes all people in the house that are able to work to help Chat Conversation End [/QUOTE]
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