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Help with logistics and mechanics of difficult children and chores
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 531977" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Dash,</p><p>My difficult child was also adopted at birth and has a mood disorder for which he is not on medication at the moment. I know your daughter loves you very much, and doesn't purposely intend to drive you crazy - she just can't get out of her own way. With my difficult child anyway, he can't successfully co-manage more that one or two things. If he goes to school, he won't work, because that's too much to handle. Grades would suffer. Combine that with a tendency twd. self medication with substances, and you get a barely functioning person. They really don't want to be that way, though.</p><p>Before we get to consequences, do you think she would go for therapy and medications? It might help significantly. If she's totally opposed to that, you just have to keep reminding her, like a broken record, every day about what you expect. Not that you expect your home to shine like the top of the Chrysler Building mind you, just to be neat and picked up. She was capable of doing it in High School, so I'd tell her that you have every confidence she can do it now. Tell her nicely that she does have to do things your way, as she's an adult guest in your home. Tell her you love her, you know she loves you, and you want to work this out, and being organized will benefit her as well. Tell her you know she may screw up and make mistakes occasionally, but that if she sticks to the schedule and is mindful of your expectations, she will get into a routine and she'll be very proud of her accomplishments. If she can hold a job, and meet her boss's expectations, you definitely believe she can meet your expectations. The ultimate consequence, of course, is that you can ask her to leave and live on her own as an adult, and keep her own apartment in any condition she chooses, but it doesn't have to be that way as long as she cooperates. Keep encouraging therapy, because underlying depression reads just like laziness.</p><p>Dash, I so totally know where you're coming from.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 531977, member: 13882"] Dash, My difficult child was also adopted at birth and has a mood disorder for which he is not on medication at the moment. I know your daughter loves you very much, and doesn't purposely intend to drive you crazy - she just can't get out of her own way. With my difficult child anyway, he can't successfully co-manage more that one or two things. If he goes to school, he won't work, because that's too much to handle. Grades would suffer. Combine that with a tendency twd. self medication with substances, and you get a barely functioning person. They really don't want to be that way, though. Before we get to consequences, do you think she would go for therapy and medications? It might help significantly. If she's totally opposed to that, you just have to keep reminding her, like a broken record, every day about what you expect. Not that you expect your home to shine like the top of the Chrysler Building mind you, just to be neat and picked up. She was capable of doing it in High School, so I'd tell her that you have every confidence she can do it now. Tell her nicely that she does have to do things your way, as she's an adult guest in your home. Tell her you love her, you know she loves you, and you want to work this out, and being organized will benefit her as well. Tell her you know she may screw up and make mistakes occasionally, but that if she sticks to the schedule and is mindful of your expectations, she will get into a routine and she'll be very proud of her accomplishments. If she can hold a job, and meet her boss's expectations, you definitely believe she can meet your expectations. The ultimate consequence, of course, is that you can ask her to leave and live on her own as an adult, and keep her own apartment in any condition she chooses, but it doesn't have to be that way as long as she cooperates. Keep encouraging therapy, because underlying depression reads just like laziness. Dash, I so totally know where you're coming from. [/QUOTE]
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Help with logistics and mechanics of difficult children and chores
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