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Parent Emeritus
Help with logistics and mechanics of difficult children and chores
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<blockquote data-quote="Giulia" data-source="post: 531981" data-attributes="member: 14306"><p>CJ, I think that we have to also see if our expectations are realistic in the current situation. </p><p>It's not because she could do it in HS without medications that it will be the same as an adult. The job may be much more demanding than at HS to the point she cannot keep both job and chores + doctor appointments + therapy..... I was in this situation in HS, I really could not keep both.</p><p>So I think that a lower list, but better done, and relying on baby steps will be much more productive than a ton of tasks she won't keep because she genuinely cannot do it. It is important not to set up expectations that a difficult child cannot genuinely meet, otherwise, it is the best set up for an explosive situation for the parent (but also for the difficult child).</p><p>It's tempting to add more expectations as she becomes an adult, but I warn that more is not necessarily better. And if she cannot meet your expectation, life will be a misery for both (not only your difficult child, but also for you).</p><p></p><p>If I were you, I would keep as a top priority getting the right treatment plan. As long as she cooperates with getting a treatment, as long as she does not steal, hit, break stuff, then life at home can still be possible even if she genuinely cannot keep up with chores.</p><p>Help can be expected if she really can meet your expectations. </p><p>Otherwise, if she asks you to pay for food shopping instead of helping with chores, it is still a way to help. </p><p></p><p>The most important is finding a way where you win both. You win because she helps and she wins because she is happy to meet your expectations she is able to meet (and not she drains herself to meet your expectations). </p><p></p><p>The most important is cooperation with her treatment plan. It is the first key for stability, hence home life with you, alone or someone else.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giulia, post: 531981, member: 14306"] CJ, I think that we have to also see if our expectations are realistic in the current situation. It's not because she could do it in HS without medications that it will be the same as an adult. The job may be much more demanding than at HS to the point she cannot keep both job and chores + doctor appointments + therapy..... I was in this situation in HS, I really could not keep both. So I think that a lower list, but better done, and relying on baby steps will be much more productive than a ton of tasks she won't keep because she genuinely cannot do it. It is important not to set up expectations that a difficult child cannot genuinely meet, otherwise, it is the best set up for an explosive situation for the parent (but also for the difficult child). It's tempting to add more expectations as she becomes an adult, but I warn that more is not necessarily better. And if she cannot meet your expectation, life will be a misery for both (not only your difficult child, but also for you). If I were you, I would keep as a top priority getting the right treatment plan. As long as she cooperates with getting a treatment, as long as she does not steal, hit, break stuff, then life at home can still be possible even if she genuinely cannot keep up with chores. Help can be expected if she really can meet your expectations. Otherwise, if she asks you to pay for food shopping instead of helping with chores, it is still a way to help. The most important is finding a way where you win both. You win because she helps and she wins because she is happy to meet your expectations she is able to meet (and not she drains herself to meet your expectations). The most important is cooperation with her treatment plan. It is the first key for stability, hence home life with you, alone or someone else. [/QUOTE]
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Help with logistics and mechanics of difficult children and chores
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