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Help with mentally ill son
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 667868" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Welcome to the forum, One Sad Parent. I'm so sorry that you need to be here, but you are at a good place. </p><p></p><p>This has to be so hard. I have been thinking about your post since I read it this morning early. I have been thinking about my son and his situation and your son and your situation. </p><p></p><p>One thing I wanted to share with you: When I was in therapy during the last years of my marriage, I talked with my therapist a lot about my husband's (now ex) anxiety and depression. He finally had agreed to take antidepressants after a lot of pushing from me. He also was an alcoholic (now in recovery). I said to my therapist: Well if he's mentally ill, then I can't blame him for his behavior. He can't help it. So what I am supposed to do? I am miserable and he will do little to nothing to help himself. </p><p></p><p>She said: He is always accountable for his actions and his behavior, unless he is completely psychotic and doesn't know reality (which was not the case).</p><p></p><p>I know you are describing your son's bipolar behavior, and I know that is more serious than my ex-husband's anxiety and depression. My son's girlfriend (I'm hoping she's still an ex-girlfriend) is bipolar and she won't take the medication regularly. Most of the time, she's fine and nice to be around. Some of the time, she goes completely off the rails. She has been charged with domestic assault against him twice. She is getting out of jail today for that. In her case, she knows reality and she won't do anything to help herself, in terms of treatment. She might do it for a while, and then she stops. I know the treatment has side effects, and I'm not trying to judge about that.</p><p></p><p>What I am trying to say is this: If people know they have a serious disease, and they understand that they have a serious disease, and they aren't psychotic and do know reality, and they still won't comply with treatment, where is the responsibility? To me, this is a big question and one that kept me up at night for weeks and months and years with my son and my ex-husband.</p><p></p><p>In my son's case, he also has anxiety and depression, and he used drugs and alcohol (like his father did) to make himself feel better. He knew reality, even though he had a diagnosable mental illness. </p><p></p><p>I'm not trying to say any of this is easy. I know it is not, and in any case, your heart is breaking. Your son is very ill, and you can't have him in your home, and so where is he to go? </p><p></p><p>In this country today, our mental health system is in shambles. It is a crime. We must do better, but that's another topic.</p><p></p><p>I have so much empathy for you. I am so sorry you are having to make this Sophie's Choice. That's what it is, an almost impossible choice. </p><p></p><p>I also believe this, you can't throw your life away for another person, even when that person is your son. I finally had to accept that. I finally had to say this: You can't be here, even though you are living on the street with nobody and nothing. Believe me, that cost me greatly, but I got to the point where that was the only choice I could make. He was impossible to be around. </p><p></p><p>We are glad you are here. We work hard here to create a space where there is care, concern, encouragement, support and options/ideas. We can't know what is right for you. We respect your choice and your decisions as you are the only one who knows the whole story. And we can only do what we can live with.</p><p></p><p>Please know we care and you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 667868, member: 17542"] Welcome to the forum, One Sad Parent. I'm so sorry that you need to be here, but you are at a good place. This has to be so hard. I have been thinking about your post since I read it this morning early. I have been thinking about my son and his situation and your son and your situation. One thing I wanted to share with you: When I was in therapy during the last years of my marriage, I talked with my therapist a lot about my husband's (now ex) anxiety and depression. He finally had agreed to take antidepressants after a lot of pushing from me. He also was an alcoholic (now in recovery). I said to my therapist: Well if he's mentally ill, then I can't blame him for his behavior. He can't help it. So what I am supposed to do? I am miserable and he will do little to nothing to help himself. She said: He is always accountable for his actions and his behavior, unless he is completely psychotic and doesn't know reality (which was not the case). I know you are describing your son's bipolar behavior, and I know that is more serious than my ex-husband's anxiety and depression. My son's girlfriend (I'm hoping she's still an ex-girlfriend) is bipolar and she won't take the medication regularly. Most of the time, she's fine and nice to be around. Some of the time, she goes completely off the rails. She has been charged with domestic assault against him twice. She is getting out of jail today for that. In her case, she knows reality and she won't do anything to help herself, in terms of treatment. She might do it for a while, and then she stops. I know the treatment has side effects, and I'm not trying to judge about that. What I am trying to say is this: If people know they have a serious disease, and they understand that they have a serious disease, and they aren't psychotic and do know reality, and they still won't comply with treatment, where is the responsibility? To me, this is a big question and one that kept me up at night for weeks and months and years with my son and my ex-husband. In my son's case, he also has anxiety and depression, and he used drugs and alcohol (like his father did) to make himself feel better. He knew reality, even though he had a diagnosable mental illness. I'm not trying to say any of this is easy. I know it is not, and in any case, your heart is breaking. Your son is very ill, and you can't have him in your home, and so where is he to go? In this country today, our mental health system is in shambles. It is a crime. We must do better, but that's another topic. I have so much empathy for you. I am so sorry you are having to make this Sophie's Choice. That's what it is, an almost impossible choice. I also believe this, you can't throw your life away for another person, even when that person is your son. I finally had to accept that. I finally had to say this: You can't be here, even though you are living on the street with nobody and nothing. Believe me, that cost me greatly, but I got to the point where that was the only choice I could make. He was impossible to be around. We are glad you are here. We work hard here to create a space where there is care, concern, encouragement, support and options/ideas. We can't know what is right for you. We respect your choice and your decisions as you are the only one who knows the whole story. And we can only do what we can live with. Please know we care and you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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