Ok, I checked out a copy of Ross Greene's The Explosive Child. I've read it before but it's been years so I needed a refresher. For those familiar, here is the main idea:
1. Identify pathways (skills lacking that need to be taught; executive skills, language processing skills, emotion regulation skills, cognitive flexibility skills, social skills)
2. Identify triggers (situations that cause explosions)
3. Put into basket A, B, or C
4. For basket B use CPS (proactive or emergency)
a. Empathy
b. Put concerns on the table (childs and parents)
c. Invite to problem solve
Ok so here is where I have a hard time. Let use one of my sons triggers to see how to execute the cps model.
1. Friend wants to leave / or wants to play with someone else
Scenario:
difficult child and friend are playing Wii. Friend is getting bored and wants to leave. difficult child gets agitated and tries to block friend from leaving tells him he cant leave. Friend gets upset and tells me. I tell friend it is ok and he can leave. I block difficult child from going after friend as he leaves. Boom - HUGE explosion!
Me: It looks like you are upset your friend left. Whats up?
difficult child: I hate him he sucks what a jerk.
Me: You hate him, he sucks, what a jerk (use empathy no, I dont think so!)
Me: (I guess I have to make a guess here) Youre upset he left because you were having a good time playing with him and now you cant play with him anymore.
difficult child: Uh huh
Me: (Whats my concern? Really my concern is I dont want him to blow up and cause total mayhem in our house. But what concern do I put on the table?)
Me: (Invite to problem solve)
See it all falls apart because he doesnt tell me his concern, so I have to guess. It could be he feels hurt that his friend doesnt want to play with him anymore and thinks he doesnt like him anymore. Or it could be because he was having so much fun and now he doesnt have anything to do. If its the latter, I could invite him to problem solve other things he can do now (but still what is my concern to put on the table?). If its because his feelings are hurt and he thinks his friend doesnt like him anymore how do you problem solve that?
The other thing I remember from reading this book previously is that the author doesnt go into how to teach those skills they are lacking (executive skills, language processing skills, emotion regulation skills, cognitive flexibility skills, social skills).
A lot of my difficult child's triggers are like this one. It doesn't seem like you can apply this model to defuse these situations. Maybe the issues my difficult child has are more emotional deregulation issues and those can't be solved using CPS.
Am I missing something?
