Oh boy Beth your situation sounds so rough. Even if you were in the house all day it probably wouldn't be much better. It does sound like you are in over your head here, anyone would be. I think RN has given some very good advice.
Also you mentioned he's in an alternative school and he's on probation. How is he doing in that alternative school? Is he in school or is it an online thing right now? I'm thinking a possible solution would be to try to get him into a residential treatment center. These are places where they live, go to school, and have therapy. It's true, you can't make him do anything, obviously, but he is still a minor so others can. Does he have any kind of what they call wrap around services where the probation is tied in with his alternative school? By this I mean is there a social worker you can call and get a meeting with to discuss residential treatment? I'm just throwing things out here. In a residential treatment center they don't have a choice and yelling and carrying on is something these folks are used to dealing with and turning around.
Another thing you mentioned was the drinking. It's a risk but it might be a good idea to call the police on any illegal activity going on in the house. I would hope the police would not see it as you allowing this behavior especially considering the time of night. But then also your son might see you trying to crack down as more of a challenge. In any event, with any interaction between you and police it's best to do all you can to keep your cool. In situations where someone is being run over by the time they talk to the police it seems like them being upset is the person with the "issues" and the calm person who's just had a lot of fun wrecking havoc is fine.
We are here with you.
