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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751099" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear TerryMany, many felons work. They have to. And they find jobs or start businesses. There is job training, and job finding assistance and there are programs specifically to assist felons return to the workforce. If your son is not working it is because he does not want to work. Many jobs do not do background checks. Your son is pulling your leg.</p><p></p><p>If he is depressed there are all kinds of places to get treatment. He has that option.</p><p>Everybody has been in a position where they have to move out and they have nowhere to go.</p><p></p><p>What we do is this: we find another place. This is the nature of life. If we have a need, we take care of it. Nobody in life whether people or animals or fish or birds have mothers all of their lives who when their adult offspring has a need in life, fills it. I don't know if you believe in evolution. But how could species have evolved if they were incapable of handling a challenge in life, without their mother?</p><p></p><p>I agree with your husband. You should not rescue your son. It is not fair to your husband, to you, to his children who he is neglecting or to him.</p><p></p><p>Many of us here are in your situation. Even with mentally ill children. My own son when he was 23 was like your son. Depressed. He had quit his job. He would not do anything to help himself. Not medically. Not work. Not school. Nothing. Eventually I told him he had to leave my home. He couch surfed or was homeless many years. It got worse and worse.</p><p></p><p>People in this life have to take responsibility for themselves, to do the right thing. I am not saying that we should not help them. I am saying that the nature of life is that something is required of us. Until our children are willing to accept and to learn that life involves effort and cooperation and self-responsibility, they need to deal themselves with life. They need to face the life that comes to them, if they refuse to do anything. It is not a pretty life, that's for sure. We can't shield them from the consequences of their choices. Nor should we try. That's what I think.</p><p></p><p>Finally, my son grew tired of living a degrading and unstable life. He decided to come back home and he is living in a home I own. Since he has been back I have asked him to leave twice because he continues to smoke marijuana on my property, which I won't allow. I have relented quickly and he has come back. We are engaged in an ongoing negotiation process with my son about how we expect him to live. I won't enable him to live badly near me. It's very hard for me. Like you, I love my son very much. I don't want him to suffer. And I am sad and afraid when he is homeless and vulnerable.</p><p></p><p> I would not be so sure that your son is not using drugs.</p><p></p><p>There is an article on the P.E. Forum about detachment. I think you will find it helpful.</p><p></p><p>I think letting your middle aged son to come home, and supporting him as if he is a baby, would be a huge error. I would listen to your husband.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you are here. It is a great place for us to be. I hope I was not too direct. I don't know another way to be. Welcome. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751099, member: 18958"] Dear TerryMany, many felons work. They have to. And they find jobs or start businesses. There is job training, and job finding assistance and there are programs specifically to assist felons return to the workforce. If your son is not working it is because he does not want to work. Many jobs do not do background checks. Your son is pulling your leg. If he is depressed there are all kinds of places to get treatment. He has that option. Everybody has been in a position where they have to move out and they have nowhere to go. What we do is this: we find another place. This is the nature of life. If we have a need, we take care of it. Nobody in life whether people or animals or fish or birds have mothers all of their lives who when their adult offspring has a need in life, fills it. I don't know if you believe in evolution. But how could species have evolved if they were incapable of handling a challenge in life, without their mother? I agree with your husband. You should not rescue your son. It is not fair to your husband, to you, to his children who he is neglecting or to him. Many of us here are in your situation. Even with mentally ill children. My own son when he was 23 was like your son. Depressed. He had quit his job. He would not do anything to help himself. Not medically. Not work. Not school. Nothing. Eventually I told him he had to leave my home. He couch surfed or was homeless many years. It got worse and worse. People in this life have to take responsibility for themselves, to do the right thing. I am not saying that we should not help them. I am saying that the nature of life is that something is required of us. Until our children are willing to accept and to learn that life involves effort and cooperation and self-responsibility, they need to deal themselves with life. They need to face the life that comes to them, if they refuse to do anything. It is not a pretty life, that's for sure. We can't shield them from the consequences of their choices. Nor should we try. That's what I think. Finally, my son grew tired of living a degrading and unstable life. He decided to come back home and he is living in a home I own. Since he has been back I have asked him to leave twice because he continues to smoke marijuana on my property, which I won't allow. I have relented quickly and he has come back. We are engaged in an ongoing negotiation process with my son about how we expect him to live. I won't enable him to live badly near me. It's very hard for me. Like you, I love my son very much. I don't want him to suffer. And I am sad and afraid when he is homeless and vulnerable. I would not be so sure that your son is not using drugs. There is an article on the P.E. Forum about detachment. I think you will find it helpful. I think letting your middle aged son to come home, and supporting him as if he is a baby, would be a huge error. I would listen to your husband. I am glad you are here. It is a great place for us to be. I hope I was not too direct. I don't know another way to be. Welcome. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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