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Her idea of an apology.... am I wrong?
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 468349" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">I do not think that was a real apology, but does it even matter really?</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">The bottom line - for me - would be to set up boundaries FOR YOURSELF AND CHILDREN. No need to advertise what they are, just enact them. Put up a strong boundary and use it when necessary. If mom begins to spout off about what she thinks, excuse yourself and leave, or hang up or whatever. If she says, "Oh now you're not going to listen to anything I have to say? My opinion doesn't count?" you reply, NICELY, "No, mom, it really doesn't. These are my children and I get to parent them my way, without your input" and then go about your life. And if she asks in front of the kids to go out to eat, don't feel bad about saying no - make another plan, do something else with the kids, go bake cookies or go to the park, or something. Why subject yourself to a meal with your mom while you're chest is tight and you have a fire in your belly? It's not healthy.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Your/Our parents have no say in the way in which we choose to parent, they do not get to be a part of therapist or psychiatrist appts, they don't get to give opinions unless asked. And if they give them without being asked, we can choose to ignore them.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">This is YOUR problem, not your moms. She is NOT going to change her mode of operation - but you can change your reaction to her. Like Susie did with her brother, just cut him off. Her case may be more sever than yours, I don't know, but it's a good example.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">This is about self preservation and protecting yourself and your family. No more emails, phone calls, talking about it with your sister, etc. Just stop the madness and refuse to discuss any of these issues with your mom or sister. They will get the point. Eventually. When difficult child was little and first showing difficulties, I talked about with exh and his family because I thought it was important for all of us to be on the same page, thinking that they would be on board and follow my lead, be cooperative because, well, I am the parent. Not so much. I caught so much garbage and unsolicited advice and was questioned from here to China about choices we made for difficult child's care. I just stopped. When they'd ask, I would lie. I'd just say, "She's doing good" or "Everything's fine, thanks" and stopped talking with them about anything. It was difficult at times, but I had to do it that way. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Gosh, big hugs, I know how difficult this is. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 468349, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2]I do not think that was a real apology, but does it even matter really? The bottom line - for me - would be to set up boundaries FOR YOURSELF AND CHILDREN. No need to advertise what they are, just enact them. Put up a strong boundary and use it when necessary. If mom begins to spout off about what she thinks, excuse yourself and leave, or hang up or whatever. If she says, "Oh now you're not going to listen to anything I have to say? My opinion doesn't count?" you reply, NICELY, "No, mom, it really doesn't. These are my children and I get to parent them my way, without your input" and then go about your life. And if she asks in front of the kids to go out to eat, don't feel bad about saying no - make another plan, do something else with the kids, go bake cookies or go to the park, or something. Why subject yourself to a meal with your mom while you're chest is tight and you have a fire in your belly? It's not healthy. Your/Our parents have no say in the way in which we choose to parent, they do not get to be a part of therapist or psychiatrist appts, they don't get to give opinions unless asked. And if they give them without being asked, we can choose to ignore them. This is YOUR problem, not your moms. She is NOT going to change her mode of operation - but you can change your reaction to her. Like Susie did with her brother, just cut him off. Her case may be more sever than yours, I don't know, but it's a good example. This is about self preservation and protecting yourself and your family. No more emails, phone calls, talking about it with your sister, etc. Just stop the madness and refuse to discuss any of these issues with your mom or sister. They will get the point. Eventually. When difficult child was little and first showing difficulties, I talked about with exh and his family because I thought it was important for all of us to be on the same page, thinking that they would be on board and follow my lead, be cooperative because, well, I am the parent. Not so much. I caught so much garbage and unsolicited advice and was questioned from here to China about choices we made for difficult child's care. I just stopped. When they'd ask, I would lie. I'd just say, "She's doing good" or "Everything's fine, thanks" and stopped talking with them about anything. It was difficult at times, but I had to do it that way. Gosh, big hugs, I know how difficult this is. [/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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Her idea of an apology.... am I wrong?
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