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Here is my letter to Scott. Did I act too needy?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 99389" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks, all, especially to Barb. My son was always a deep thinker, but of few words. A couples times he puzzled me by saying untruths such as, "I know if Mom and Dad hadn't adopted me I'd be nothing in Hong Kong." He said this to his sister, whom he was once very close to, never to me. The thing is, he KNOWS that soooooooooooo many families were dying to adopt him (we're talking 800 families called about a cute picture and the words "very intelligent.") I do think there is some shame that he was six before he was adopted although he knows very well that adoption isn't accepted in Hong Kong, which is why it took so long for him to have a family. I disagree that he doesn't think about us at all. I think he does, and that he thinks about us with anger--that he thinks we did things to him that we didn't see. He says that his father, my ex, thinks of him as a "trophy son" for example. </p><p>I do think he is trying hard to build an identity. About twenty kids came to the United States from Hong Kong at the same time. We all kept in touch for many years. Only Scott and one other boy, who was also highly intelligent, did not act out in horrible ways. All the other kids were really difficult to the point where their parents were puzzled and wondered what they had done to deserve such awful treatment. Some were even Chinese couples. It didn't matter. These kids had all been adopted at age four and up and most were between six to fourteen. I would like to know how they all turned out. I know that the other boy who was doing so well did go to college, but that's all I know. I think Scott is going through that rebellious stage now. It may last forever. He is finding acceptance through his church and with his wife's family. I've met them and they are very nice and, as always, in awe of him. At his wedding, they came up to him to thank me for raising such a wonderful young man (oh, if they only knew...). I didn't raise him at all. He raised himself. He wouldn't let anybody raise him and, yes, he is charming, bright and has good manners and truly wins everyone over. He is exceptional. I think people would be shocked if they knew how he disregarded his family. I may add that although Scott didn't see me and my mother interacting, his father was very close to his own mother and they interacted all the time.</p><p>I don't know how this will end, but I really do need to move on and focus on the other kids. And that's what I'm going to do. Thanks again.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 99389, member: 1550"] Thanks, all, especially to Barb. My son was always a deep thinker, but of few words. A couples times he puzzled me by saying untruths such as, "I know if Mom and Dad hadn't adopted me I'd be nothing in Hong Kong." He said this to his sister, whom he was once very close to, never to me. The thing is, he KNOWS that soooooooooooo many families were dying to adopt him (we're talking 800 families called about a cute picture and the words "very intelligent.") I do think there is some shame that he was six before he was adopted although he knows very well that adoption isn't accepted in Hong Kong, which is why it took so long for him to have a family. I disagree that he doesn't think about us at all. I think he does, and that he thinks about us with anger--that he thinks we did things to him that we didn't see. He says that his father, my ex, thinks of him as a "trophy son" for example. I do think he is trying hard to build an identity. About twenty kids came to the United States from Hong Kong at the same time. We all kept in touch for many years. Only Scott and one other boy, who was also highly intelligent, did not act out in horrible ways. All the other kids were really difficult to the point where their parents were puzzled and wondered what they had done to deserve such awful treatment. Some were even Chinese couples. It didn't matter. These kids had all been adopted at age four and up and most were between six to fourteen. I would like to know how they all turned out. I know that the other boy who was doing so well did go to college, but that's all I know. I think Scott is going through that rebellious stage now. It may last forever. He is finding acceptance through his church and with his wife's family. I've met them and they are very nice and, as always, in awe of him. At his wedding, they came up to him to thank me for raising such a wonderful young man (oh, if they only knew...). I didn't raise him at all. He raised himself. He wouldn't let anybody raise him and, yes, he is charming, bright and has good manners and truly wins everyone over. He is exceptional. I think people would be shocked if they knew how he disregarded his family. I may add that although Scott didn't see me and my mother interacting, his father was very close to his own mother and they interacted all the time. I don't know how this will end, but I really do need to move on and focus on the other kids. And that's what I'm going to do. Thanks again. [/QUOTE]
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Here is my letter to Scott. Did I act too needy?
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