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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 227965" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>I'm another one who believes in the tough love approach. difficult child 1 is 17, actually closer to 18 now. While he hasn't been involved with drugs (at least not that I know of), he has consistently created chaos in our home. Life with him has been, for the most part, a living HE77!!!</p><p></p><p>husband and I have done everything we possibly can to help him. Unfortunately, he continues to make poor decisions. While he claims he wants to be totally independent and free from us, all of his actions state otherwise. </p><p></p><p>When he turned 16, he REFUSED to put any real effort into finding a job. Gaming is his life. He REFUSED to do anything that would interfere with his precious gaming time. We put an end to that. He is limited as to how much time he can spend gaming. However, when he isn't gaming, he does everything he can to create chaos.</p><p></p><p>Last year he wanted us to buy him a car as soon as he got his license. He said he needed one. Our response was to get a job. To date, he still doesn't have his license. He isn't interested in driving. All he is interested in is gaming.</p><p></p><p>At the end of last summer, difficult child 1 could have had a job pumping gas for a friend of husband's who owns a gas station. difficult child 1 REFUSED to go and talk to husband's friend. Pumping gas was beneath him. We were furious!!! </p><p></p><p>He is extremely bright academically and has a very high IQ. However, his grades are poor. He decided he wants to go to a private tech college. This particular college, while accredited, doesn't care about grades. As long as you're a computer "geek" and can find the funds, you can go.</p><p></p><p>We told him he would have to apply for as many scholarships as possible. We told him we will not co-sign any loans for him. (He is notorious for starting things and NEVER completing them.) My husband has been trying to light a fire under his <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> to get him moving on this. difficult child 1 continues to put it off. He REFUSES to write the paper he needs to submit in order to apply for scholarships. In fact, the college he claims he wants to attend more than anything, has lots of available scholarships. (My husband looked into this.) difficult child 1 hasn't even applied for one of them!!!</p><p></p><p>So, to make a loooooooooong story short, difficult child 1 knows that one way or another, when he graduates from high school this Spring, he has to move out of our house. We told him he better start seriously thinking about his future because we are not going to support him while he sits on his <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> gaming.</p><p></p><p>Yes, I definitely believe in tough love. Unless difficult child 1 has to suffer the natural consequences of his poor choices, he will NEVER become self-sufficient. Yes, I'm going to worry about him. However, he will not be allowed to come home. </p><p></p><p>We will give difficult child 1, as part of a graduation gift, first and last month's rent plus the security deposit on an apartment if he doesn't go to school. I've been putting aside some pots and pans, towels, etc. that he'll be able to take with him. After that, it will be up to him whether or not he sinks or swims.</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you... And, please NEVER feel embarrassed about discussing your difficult child here!!! Unfortunately, nothing I've heard here shocks me. We understand. There is no way anyone could possibly not understand who is a parent of a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>Thinking of you. WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 227965, member: 3388"] I'm another one who believes in the tough love approach. difficult child 1 is 17, actually closer to 18 now. While he hasn't been involved with drugs (at least not that I know of), he has consistently created chaos in our home. Life with him has been, for the most part, a living HE77!!! husband and I have done everything we possibly can to help him. Unfortunately, he continues to make poor decisions. While he claims he wants to be totally independent and free from us, all of his actions state otherwise. When he turned 16, he REFUSED to put any real effort into finding a job. Gaming is his life. He REFUSED to do anything that would interfere with his precious gaming time. We put an end to that. He is limited as to how much time he can spend gaming. However, when he isn't gaming, he does everything he can to create chaos. Last year he wanted us to buy him a car as soon as he got his license. He said he needed one. Our response was to get a job. To date, he still doesn't have his license. He isn't interested in driving. All he is interested in is gaming. At the end of last summer, difficult child 1 could have had a job pumping gas for a friend of husband's who owns a gas station. difficult child 1 REFUSED to go and talk to husband's friend. Pumping gas was beneath him. We were furious!!! He is extremely bright academically and has a very high IQ. However, his grades are poor. He decided he wants to go to a private tech college. This particular college, while accredited, doesn't care about grades. As long as you're a computer "geek" and can find the funds, you can go. We told him he would have to apply for as many scholarships as possible. We told him we will not co-sign any loans for him. (He is notorious for starting things and NEVER completing them.) My husband has been trying to light a fire under his :censored2: to get him moving on this. difficult child 1 continues to put it off. He REFUSES to write the paper he needs to submit in order to apply for scholarships. In fact, the college he claims he wants to attend more than anything, has lots of available scholarships. (My husband looked into this.) difficult child 1 hasn't even applied for one of them!!! So, to make a loooooooooong story short, difficult child 1 knows that one way or another, when he graduates from high school this Spring, he has to move out of our house. We told him he better start seriously thinking about his future because we are not going to support him while he sits on his :censored2: gaming. Yes, I definitely believe in tough love. Unless difficult child 1 has to suffer the natural consequences of his poor choices, he will NEVER become self-sufficient. Yes, I'm going to worry about him. However, he will not be allowed to come home. We will give difficult child 1, as part of a graduation gift, first and last month's rent plus the security deposit on an apartment if he doesn't go to school. I've been putting aside some pots and pans, towels, etc. that he'll be able to take with him. After that, it will be up to him whether or not he sinks or swims. My heart goes out to you... And, please NEVER feel embarrassed about discussing your difficult child here!!! Unfortunately, nothing I've heard here shocks me. We understand. There is no way anyone could possibly not understand who is a parent of a difficult child. Thinking of you. WFEN [/QUOTE]
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