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Parent Emeritus
Here we go again :(
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 595663" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I needed to see this today. My difficult child is older ~ almost 40. To us, she portrays confusion, regret, determination to get things right...but she continues to do as she pleases with whom she pleases. It is so hard to see through the manipulation when it's YOUR child doing the manipulating. Even if the "child" is nearly 40.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing; you are behaving with integrity. You are telling your son the same true things the shelter is trying to tell him: Yes, the rules DO apply to you.</p><p></p><p>I wish we had done, then, when difficult child was 14, or 16, or 18, what you are doing, now. Once difficult child had children.... And now, she is betraying the children, too. You are doing the only thing that will (maybe) change your difficult child's course in life. Seeing the situation for what it really is will help you know you are responding correctly.</p><p></p><p>It is impossibly hard to make ourselves see what is happening for what it is. It is in our natures to believe in, and to protect, our children.</p><p></p><p>Recovering Enabler said to me once that parents with children like ours need to fight our own natural, normal parenting emotions. It seems that staying strong, that remaining committed to what we know we need to do is impossible, under the onslaught from our manipulative difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>Your post is helping me to see my own situation differently. Thank you for that. We all need all the strength, all the clarity, we can find.</p><p></p><p>When they say horrible, hurtful things, we need to remember that. They know just where to place the knife; they never miss the heart. </p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 595663, member: 1721"] I needed to see this today. My difficult child is older ~ almost 40. To us, she portrays confusion, regret, determination to get things right...but she continues to do as she pleases with whom she pleases. It is so hard to see through the manipulation when it's YOUR child doing the manipulating. Even if the "child" is nearly 40. You are doing the right thing; you are behaving with integrity. You are telling your son the same true things the shelter is trying to tell him: Yes, the rules DO apply to you. I wish we had done, then, when difficult child was 14, or 16, or 18, what you are doing, now. Once difficult child had children.... And now, she is betraying the children, too. You are doing the only thing that will (maybe) change your difficult child's course in life. Seeing the situation for what it really is will help you know you are responding correctly. It is impossibly hard to make ourselves see what is happening for what it is. It is in our natures to believe in, and to protect, our children. Recovering Enabler said to me once that parents with children like ours need to fight our own natural, normal parenting emotions. It seems that staying strong, that remaining committed to what we know we need to do is impossible, under the onslaught from our manipulative difficult child kids. Your post is helping me to see my own situation differently. Thank you for that. We all need all the strength, all the clarity, we can find. When they say horrible, hurtful things, we need to remember that. They know just where to place the knife; they never miss the heart. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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Here we go again :(
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