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He's been kicked out of the shelter
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 642914" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I cannot think of anything profound enough to make a difference for you as you go through this, Lil. This is the nightmare. It is ongoing. I do know this much: Just as you are teaching your son through your responses now, so you are teaching yourselves how to respond. Review the reasons you have chosen this path. Review the things you will need to see from your child before you will help. Sketch out an imaginary survival plan, a kind of intent to be held over time that you will come through this in a healthy, stable place.</p><p></p><p>I beat the hell out of myself until I can justify giving in. I have to recognize I am doing that before I can work through the warped intricacies of my responses<em>. </em>I feel a crazy, wickedly spinning kind of time pressure and I can't seem to get my feet on the ground or my thoughts in order.</p><p></p><p>Recovering Enabler calls that mind set the FOG.</p><p></p><p>It helps to label it. It helps to know where we are, and therefore, to understand that where we are is a temporary state. Consciously work to calm it down.</p><p></p><p>That helped me.</p><p></p><p>Also, remembering there actually was no time pressure. There was nothing I'd forgotten, there was nothing I could change within the next seconds. Calm thought, rational thought ~ that would help me. Not the state of panic, not the states of pain or numbness or any of the other negatives.</p><p></p><p>Choose your desired emotional response, and fake it 'til you make it. No catastrophizing. You actually are fighting for your son's life, here. He does have to change his ways. He hasn't learned, yet.</p><p></p><p>Yet.</p><p></p><p>Here is another thing: However badly you feel about what is happening? <em>Your son does not ever have to know that you are not 1000% sure how to do this.</em></p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>This has been the style of your child's choices all along.</p><p></p><p>Nothing that was not already coming happened here. Your child did what he always does. The difference this time is that there are consequences in the real world.</p><p></p><p>That is the sole lesson your child needs to learn.</p><p></p><p>That his actions have consequences.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for the horror of it.</p><p></p><p>Albatross' child came home, did you know that? She let him go, she left him to work it out on his own, and he made his way home.</p><p></p><p>There is faith in her story for you, Lil.</p><p></p><p>If you haven't had a chance, read Albatross' posting.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 642914, member: 17461"] I cannot think of anything profound enough to make a difference for you as you go through this, Lil. This is the nightmare. It is ongoing. I do know this much: Just as you are teaching your son through your responses now, so you are teaching yourselves how to respond. Review the reasons you have chosen this path. Review the things you will need to see from your child before you will help. Sketch out an imaginary survival plan, a kind of intent to be held over time that you will come through this in a healthy, stable place. I beat the hell out of myself until I can justify giving in. I have to recognize I am doing that before I can work through the warped intricacies of my responses[I]. [/I]I feel a crazy, wickedly spinning kind of time pressure and I can't seem to get my feet on the ground or my thoughts in order. Recovering Enabler calls that mind set the FOG. It helps to label it. It helps to know where we are, and therefore, to understand that where we are is a temporary state. Consciously work to calm it down. That helped me. Also, remembering there actually was no time pressure. There was nothing I'd forgotten, there was nothing I could change within the next seconds. Calm thought, rational thought ~ that would help me. Not the state of panic, not the states of pain or numbness or any of the other negatives. Choose your desired emotional response, and fake it 'til you make it. No catastrophizing. You actually are fighting for your son's life, here. He does have to change his ways. He hasn't learned, yet. Yet. Here is another thing: However badly you feel about what is happening? [I]Your son does not ever have to know that you are not 1000% sure how to do this.[/I] *** This has been the style of your child's choices all along. Nothing that was not already coming happened here. Your child did what he always does. The difference this time is that there are consequences in the real world. That is the sole lesson your child needs to learn. That his actions have consequences. I am so sorry for the horror of it. Albatross' child came home, did you know that? She let him go, she left him to work it out on his own, and he made his way home. There is faith in her story for you, Lil. If you haven't had a chance, read Albatross' posting. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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