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Substance Abuse
He's on his way home---some questions
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 64118" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>CaMom, I would not let him manage his own money, no matter what he thinks. Unless he earns it by working at a job, not your husband's, in my opinion it's not his money no matter how old he is. I always laugh when eighteen is considered the "magic" age to adulthood. in my opinion you earn adulthood by being an independent person, supporting yourself outside of your home. in my opinion you need to stop feeling that you have to give him money. He'll do better, again in my opinion, if he has to earn every penny. I also think he can't have the same freedom responsible eighteen year olds have--you need to continue to closely monitor him on every level. THat means he'll be angry at you a lot and may not like you. Oh, well (my daughter hated me at one time because I wouldn't do what she wanted me to do). I cried a lot in private, but she made such bad choices. I couldn't enable her to do the wrong thing. He was a drug abuser and not out of the woods yet. He also has a bad attitude, and just going to this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't going to change him overnight. He has a sense of entitlement, and he needs to realize that nobody is going to cut him a break just because. At his age, and with his history of disregard for your wishes and the law, I'd force him to see that money is hard-earned. AT least, that is what worked for us. I can only imagine what our daughter would have done with free money! Part of how she straightened out is that she had to work, and be in shape to work, or she was flat broke. I heard the risks of drug abuse on an interesting radio program (Public Radio). One BIG red flag is a bored kid with lots of money. The lots of money part was emphasized. These kids have the means to support their habit. You asked for advice. Mine is not to give him money that he hasn't earned. Put his accounts in your name and dole out money as he needs it. That way you'll know where it is going. And now that he graduated make sure he's plenty busy so he has no time to go back to "hanging out" and doing drugs. Make him work, even if he goes to school and don't think it's too much for him. in my opinion, kids who do drugs need to be kept very busy or they fall into bad habits again. Feeling productive has REALLY helped my daughter. If you like, I'll call my kiddo and ask her outright what she suggests. She is very hard on drug users, but she has been where your son is and has turned herself around. Hugs to you. Congrats on getting your son back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 64118, member: 1550"] CaMom, I would not let him manage his own money, no matter what he thinks. Unless he earns it by working at a job, not your husband's, in my opinion it's not his money no matter how old he is. I always laugh when eighteen is considered the "magic" age to adulthood. in my opinion you earn adulthood by being an independent person, supporting yourself outside of your home. in my opinion you need to stop feeling that you have to give him money. He'll do better, again in my opinion, if he has to earn every penny. I also think he can't have the same freedom responsible eighteen year olds have--you need to continue to closely monitor him on every level. THat means he'll be angry at you a lot and may not like you. Oh, well (my daughter hated me at one time because I wouldn't do what she wanted me to do). I cried a lot in private, but she made such bad choices. I couldn't enable her to do the wrong thing. He was a drug abuser and not out of the woods yet. He also has a bad attitude, and just going to this Residential Treatment Center (RTC) isn't going to change him overnight. He has a sense of entitlement, and he needs to realize that nobody is going to cut him a break just because. At his age, and with his history of disregard for your wishes and the law, I'd force him to see that money is hard-earned. AT least, that is what worked for us. I can only imagine what our daughter would have done with free money! Part of how she straightened out is that she had to work, and be in shape to work, or she was flat broke. I heard the risks of drug abuse on an interesting radio program (Public Radio). One BIG red flag is a bored kid with lots of money. The lots of money part was emphasized. These kids have the means to support their habit. You asked for advice. Mine is not to give him money that he hasn't earned. Put his accounts in your name and dole out money as he needs it. That way you'll know where it is going. And now that he graduated make sure he's plenty busy so he has no time to go back to "hanging out" and doing drugs. Make him work, even if he goes to school and don't think it's too much for him. in my opinion, kids who do drugs need to be kept very busy or they fall into bad habits again. Feeling productive has REALLY helped my daughter. If you like, I'll call my kiddo and ask her outright what she suggests. She is very hard on drug users, but she has been where your son is and has turned herself around. Hugs to you. Congrats on getting your son back. [/QUOTE]
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He's on his way home---some questions
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