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Parent Emeritus
He's soooo stubborn! Fade in Frank Sinatra's "My Way"
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663520" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Terry,</p><p></p><p>I agree with SWOT. No car. Not in your house. He is running you.</p><p></p><p>I am learning that it is toxic for me to want anything of my son or for him. By doing so, he holds the power. It is always in his hands to either do it or not. He holds all of the control. This is not good for him or me.</p><p></p><p>I have come to accept that he is 100 percent responsible for everything in his life. Especially his health. Whether he works or not is his decision. Who he lives with and how, likewise. His business.</p><p></p><p>All I can do is decide under what conditions I can see him or talk to him or not. And I can decide what to say or to what I will listen. If I do not like the conversation I can hang up.</p><p></p><p>Only what involves me directly is my business.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that danger zones for me, are way beyond giving money or things or help. I cannot give advice or counsel.</p><p></p><p>My danger zone is way into the emotional zone. My son manipulates my care and my love. Even my desire that he live.</p><p></p><p>Every single thing I want for my son takes away from his incentive and need to become a full adult man. To motivate, suggest or influence, There is almost nothing else to say, anymore. I am forced to accept that my entire relationship with my son may have been inappropriate.</p><p></p><p>He gets angry if I even say, You will work it out. You will decide.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what he wants from me, except that I suffer along with him. I have come to the conclusion that this is the result he is seeking.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663520, member: 18958"] Hi Terry, I agree with SWOT. No car. Not in your house. He is running you. I am learning that it is toxic for me to want anything of my son or for him. By doing so, he holds the power. It is always in his hands to either do it or not. He holds all of the control. This is not good for him or me. I have come to accept that he is 100 percent responsible for everything in his life. Especially his health. Whether he works or not is his decision. Who he lives with and how, likewise. His business. All I can do is decide under what conditions I can see him or talk to him or not. And I can decide what to say or to what I will listen. If I do not like the conversation I can hang up. Only what involves me directly is my business. I am seeing that danger zones for me, are way beyond giving money or things or help. I cannot give advice or counsel. My danger zone is way into the emotional zone. My son manipulates my care and my love. Even my desire that he live. Every single thing I want for my son takes away from his incentive and need to become a full adult man. To motivate, suggest or influence, There is almost nothing else to say, anymore. I am forced to accept that my entire relationship with my son may have been inappropriate. He gets angry if I even say, You will work it out. You will decide. I do not know what he wants from me, except that I suffer along with him. I have come to the conclusion that this is the result he is seeking. [/QUOTE]
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He's soooo stubborn! Fade in Frank Sinatra's "My Way"
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