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Hey everybody, I'm told my difficult child is safe and stable, home tomorrow?!?!?!
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<blockquote data-quote="Farmwife" data-source="post: 382868" data-attributes="member: 8617"><p>Can I assure he won't get violent with my Mom, not really but his history, triggers and our plan should cover all his bases. The only potential issue is a medication reaction that has him very very very "off" rather than his usual return to being a troll in general. He *usually* gives ample warning before going green and turning into the hulk if we pay attention.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> There have never been any jump off out of the blue episodes.</p><p> </p><p>plan:</p><p> </p><p>*eternal vigilance, never take quiet time for long term (our biggest mistake)</p><p> </p><p>*intensive therpay and counseling long term though we will step it down to just one visit with one person a week eventually, maintenance stage.</p><p> </p><p>*Alternate family can take him for overnight respite if he is feeling edgy under his usual circumstances</p><p> </p><p>*Mood journal-3 times a day he MUST journal his mood with either a smiley, flat or frowny face. He is allowed to freely express rage in journal and speak his mind without consequence. Ie: "Mom is being a $%^$%^ today". Then he is conned into thinking about where he is at emotionally, something he must learn. At the end of the week we look over the journal as a family. Therefore he feels heard in some way and if he keeps a theme of something we can have a problem solving session. If it was a one day thing we mention that it's just a bad day, how did you handle it? ect. Nice way to address his needs safely while letting him be true to himself and responsible. I will assume days he refuses to mark a smiley or frowney face as a frowney day. Still works as a tool for me either way.</p><p> </p><p>*Mom is room mate and messenger, she will not parent or discipline. I will manage him as parent just with some distance. That way she avoids triggering him, they don't get into a power struggle and they can enjoy a stress free relationship. She will keep a secret mood journal merely to see emerging patterns and warnings for medication adjust or just declines in mood. We will discuss chores and her only job is to tell if he did them and if he did them right. If he wants any priviliges he must call to ask me. At that point I ask if he did his chores and verify it first by his mood (I'll know right away) then ask my Mom to verify. In that way whatever moods or funks he is in I only get a slice of in a short call. I can say no and disengage without seeing him sulk all day and have him push my buttons. I get to walk away!! If he vents to my Mom about how evil I am all she has to do is say "I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe you should go tell her in your mood journal" Then he can tell me where to go in paper and my mom doesn't have to be a part of his bashing session. If he seems moody she is better equiped emotionally to ignore him and can remind him that she is just Grandma and not a part of it so please "play nice".</p><p> </p><p>Basically she will only be sweet grandma and not authroity figure so we don't rile up his ODD side against her. Then he has a safe place with an adult who watches over him but a lot more space to have a functional interaction with. Less pressure to perform, less stress for him. More semi normal happy family stuff. Then when we do see him we can deal with his needs in a controlled session and then reward him with videos, board games and whatever fun family stuff he still does like. He will see that by communicating effectively he gets the attention and priviliges he needs/wants...and, yes....we can get along.</p><p> </p><p>That's the plan so far anyway. I don't get vacation days but I can telecommute to difficult child work. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>oh yeah, the book explosive child is on it's way in the mail!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Farmwife, post: 382868, member: 8617"] Can I assure he won't get violent with my Mom, not really but his history, triggers and our plan should cover all his bases. The only potential issue is a medication reaction that has him very very very "off" rather than his usual return to being a troll in general. He *usually* gives ample warning before going green and turning into the hulk if we pay attention.:raspberry-tounge: There have never been any jump off out of the blue episodes. plan: *eternal vigilance, never take quiet time for long term (our biggest mistake) *intensive therpay and counseling long term though we will step it down to just one visit with one person a week eventually, maintenance stage. *Alternate family can take him for overnight respite if he is feeling edgy under his usual circumstances *Mood journal-3 times a day he MUST journal his mood with either a smiley, flat or frowny face. He is allowed to freely express rage in journal and speak his mind without consequence. Ie: "Mom is being a $%^$%^ today". Then he is conned into thinking about where he is at emotionally, something he must learn. At the end of the week we look over the journal as a family. Therefore he feels heard in some way and if he keeps a theme of something we can have a problem solving session. If it was a one day thing we mention that it's just a bad day, how did you handle it? ect. Nice way to address his needs safely while letting him be true to himself and responsible. I will assume days he refuses to mark a smiley or frowney face as a frowney day. Still works as a tool for me either way. *Mom is room mate and messenger, she will not parent or discipline. I will manage him as parent just with some distance. That way she avoids triggering him, they don't get into a power struggle and they can enjoy a stress free relationship. She will keep a secret mood journal merely to see emerging patterns and warnings for medication adjust or just declines in mood. We will discuss chores and her only job is to tell if he did them and if he did them right. If he wants any priviliges he must call to ask me. At that point I ask if he did his chores and verify it first by his mood (I'll know right away) then ask my Mom to verify. In that way whatever moods or funks he is in I only get a slice of in a short call. I can say no and disengage without seeing him sulk all day and have him push my buttons. I get to walk away!! If he vents to my Mom about how evil I am all she has to do is say "I'm sorry you feel that way, maybe you should go tell her in your mood journal" Then he can tell me where to go in paper and my mom doesn't have to be a part of his bashing session. If he seems moody she is better equiped emotionally to ignore him and can remind him that she is just Grandma and not a part of it so please "play nice". Basically she will only be sweet grandma and not authroity figure so we don't rile up his ODD side against her. Then he has a safe place with an adult who watches over him but a lot more space to have a functional interaction with. Less pressure to perform, less stress for him. More semi normal happy family stuff. Then when we do see him we can deal with his needs in a controlled session and then reward him with videos, board games and whatever fun family stuff he still does like. He will see that by communicating effectively he gets the attention and priviliges he needs/wants...and, yes....we can get along. That's the plan so far anyway. I don't get vacation days but I can telecommute to difficult child work. :winking: oh yeah, the book explosive child is on it's way in the mail!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Hey everybody, I'm told my difficult child is safe and stable, home tomorrow?!?!?!
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