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Hi I am new and need help, my wife and I are at our wits end
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 512112" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Welcome, Jim.</p><p>I hear you, about your son knowing that he's in charge (haha) and being so precocious so young. And I hear you about clueless teachers (and other parents, which you didn't mention, but whom I'm sure have made comments) and who don't have a clue.</p><p>I'm thinking that it's kind of a moot point whether he should be on medications if he won't take them anyway, Know what I mean?? It took us yrs to get our son to take his medications with-o argument and even now that he's 15, he'll argue that it's not "Exactly" 8:30 or whatever time he thinks he's supposed to take them. Some of it is his diagnosis (Asperger's) and some of it is wanting to always be in control.</p><p>The one thing about these kids is that they don't live in our world. Their view of achievement, accomplishment and how others see us is totally skewed.</p><p>I know how frustrating it is that your son can get straight A's, but couldn't care less. We have the same problem. I have to tell him through gritted teeth, "I am proud of you," when he gets one A, and I actually want to wring his neck, lol!</p><p>At this point, he's nearly an adult, but one thing I would suggest is that he is emotionally very far behind. I would suggest creating a different scenario in your mind, where he is a 6-yr-old genius, with-no idea of consequences. Because I think that part of his brain is not developed. Did the psychiatric or neuropsychologist talk about that at all?</p><p>Do you have other children? Aside from depression, are there other issues in the family tree? A lot of our kids are affected by genetic issues, which are exacerbated by allergies. It can be a food allergy that does not present as a rash, but as a behavior issue. The underlying issue will always be there, but can be coped with-more easily if the allergen is removed. More on that later.</p><p>I'm glad you're ordering that book, and there are many others that we recommend. I think there's a forum here that lists books but I can't remember which one! Mostly I stay on this page, and occasionally go to the watercooler, or substance abuse.</p><p></p><p>I agree with-others who posted that your son needs to experience natural consequences. Just talking doesn't work for him. For whatever reason, he can't extrapolate what-ifs, and doesn't understand social consequences. He has to learn that it isn't just that "You don't steal a $2 item when you've got $100 in your pocket because it's wrong and bad," but that something bad will happen to him that will make him remember it the next time he wants to steal a $2 item. Such as, sitting in juvie next to a smelly jerk who urinates on the wall. (Assuming that would bother him.) Or at least, losing his freedom. And losing the respect or desire of the girls at school who are interested in him, because they don't want to hang out with-guys who've been in JD.</p><p>I would keep my voice well modulated, and just follow through with-consequences. He's going to react strongly at first, maybe even physically, saying it isn't fair and he didn't get any warning. But stand your ground and he will learn that you mean it. At least, I hope so.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 512112, member: 3419"] Welcome, Jim. I hear you, about your son knowing that he's in charge (haha) and being so precocious so young. And I hear you about clueless teachers (and other parents, which you didn't mention, but whom I'm sure have made comments) and who don't have a clue. I'm thinking that it's kind of a moot point whether he should be on medications if he won't take them anyway, Know what I mean?? It took us yrs to get our son to take his medications with-o argument and even now that he's 15, he'll argue that it's not "Exactly" 8:30 or whatever time he thinks he's supposed to take them. Some of it is his diagnosis (Asperger's) and some of it is wanting to always be in control. The one thing about these kids is that they don't live in our world. Their view of achievement, accomplishment and how others see us is totally skewed. I know how frustrating it is that your son can get straight A's, but couldn't care less. We have the same problem. I have to tell him through gritted teeth, "I am proud of you," when he gets one A, and I actually want to wring his neck, lol! At this point, he's nearly an adult, but one thing I would suggest is that he is emotionally very far behind. I would suggest creating a different scenario in your mind, where he is a 6-yr-old genius, with-no idea of consequences. Because I think that part of his brain is not developed. Did the psychiatric or neuropsychologist talk about that at all? Do you have other children? Aside from depression, are there other issues in the family tree? A lot of our kids are affected by genetic issues, which are exacerbated by allergies. It can be a food allergy that does not present as a rash, but as a behavior issue. The underlying issue will always be there, but can be coped with-more easily if the allergen is removed. More on that later. I'm glad you're ordering that book, and there are many others that we recommend. I think there's a forum here that lists books but I can't remember which one! Mostly I stay on this page, and occasionally go to the watercooler, or substance abuse. I agree with-others who posted that your son needs to experience natural consequences. Just talking doesn't work for him. For whatever reason, he can't extrapolate what-ifs, and doesn't understand social consequences. He has to learn that it isn't just that "You don't steal a $2 item when you've got $100 in your pocket because it's wrong and bad," but that something bad will happen to him that will make him remember it the next time he wants to steal a $2 item. Such as, sitting in juvie next to a smelly jerk who urinates on the wall. (Assuming that would bother him.) Or at least, losing his freedom. And losing the respect or desire of the girls at school who are interested in him, because they don't want to hang out with-guys who've been in JD. I would keep my voice well modulated, and just follow through with-consequences. He's going to react strongly at first, maybe even physically, saying it isn't fair and he didn't get any warning. But stand your ground and he will learn that you mean it. At least, I hope so. [/QUOTE]
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Hi I am new and need help, my wife and I are at our wits end
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