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Hi I am new and need help, my wife and I are at our wits end
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<blockquote data-quote="tiredmommy" data-source="post: 512127" data-attributes="member: 1722"><p>Jim~ what were his behaviors like when he was a baby? Any health issues? How was the pregnancy, delivery and your wife's postpartum health? I ask because my child is proof positive that behavior can be shaped by physical health issues.</p><p></p><p>My Duckie is 11 and has always been difficult. The only psychological/behavior disorder she's been diagnosis'd with is ODD (at age 3). She does have some symptoms of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but her doctors don't feel her symptoms are at a clinical level. My daughter, however, has matched almost every symptom you listed for your son (switch manipulation for aggression and minor developmental delays for academic problems and we'd have a perfect match).</p><p></p><p>She had issues right off the bat. Cried incessantly, had invisible reflux (no spitting up), uneven developmental, frequent colds etc. She was miserable and I was overwhelmed because she didn't sleep through the night until 19 months. My husband was convinced she'd be institutionalized as as adult by age three. She was... angry. She was mean to our pets to punish us. Would walk up to me, smile and say "I hate you". She broke her door frame from repeatedly slamming it one afternoon. The only saving grace we had when she was little was that her hands were weak so we could use baby gates to keep her and our cats safe longer than most parents could. I was really frightened for her future.</p><p></p><p>Now, my difficult child is a minor difficult child compared to lots of other kids here (at least right now... puberty is knocking on our door), but we had a few things that brought some real improvement. You need to remember that whether a behavior is maladaptive or not that it will become that child's normal behavior if it persists long enough. And we knew that natural consequences, setting high standards and keeping a predictable schedule would work to all our benefit. Our first improvement happened when she was four and we were awakened to her screaming and crying at 5:30AM (10/8/2005 was the scariest day of my life). Her hands and feet had swollen up horribly overnight. To give you an idea of how bad it was: her lower legs were so swollen that the elastic in her socks left bruises above her ankles. That's when we discovered that what our family doctor thought were simple seasonal allergies were actually extremely bad. My daughter had been sick almost every day of her life. She was miserable. Things improved, they weren't great but we had hope.</p><p></p><p>Then, she became quite ill in 1st grade and had a cough that wouldn't resolve. Her teacher was concerned because it seemed like a nervous cough. I posted here about it and fellow moderator (SRL) told me to have her checked for asthma. My daughter had never wheezed once in her life, despite all her other issues, but I felt we had nothing to lose. It turns out she had cough variant asthma (CVA), and she had been in the midst of a pretty bad asthma attack for a few weeks. Her demeanor again improved as her health improved and she was sleeping better for the first time in her life. But she was still very difficult and demanding. </p><p></p><p>We started addressing some of her uneven development and discovered she had hyper-mobile joints and a visual processing deficit. Again, she showed some improvement as she learned to master her body and feel less frustrated, but it wasn't enough. She still suffered a little socially and often over-reacted with friends.</p><p></p><p>Then last year, she had a major meltdown in school. Teacher was actually concerned that Duckie was going to hurt herself: things had been ramping up for weeks: classroom was a pressure cooker of loud and difficult kids, social requirements from the other girls were sky high and she had been feeling sickly and off-center since being exposed and treated for a nasty strep infection a few weeks before. She was like a caged animal: pacing, angry, crying, defiant, overwhelmed. The school counselor spoke with her and had the school Occupational Therapist (OT) talk with me (she knew Duckie from 1st and 2ND grade). She suggested a private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. The private Occupational Therapist (OT) found that Duckie suffered from sensory processing disorder and was ready to jump out of her skin. We followed the Wilbarger Protocol to help train her senses to be better regulated and the improvement has been outstanding.</p><p></p><p>Is she still difficult and demanding? Yes. But we can all live together in relative peace most of the time and we're better equipped to help guide her through the rough patches now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tiredmommy, post: 512127, member: 1722"] Jim~ what were his behaviors like when he was a baby? Any health issues? How was the pregnancy, delivery and your wife's postpartum health? I ask because my child is proof positive that behavior can be shaped by physical health issues. My Duckie is 11 and has always been difficult. The only psychological/behavior disorder she's been diagnosis'd with is ODD (at age 3). She does have some symptoms of anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but her doctors don't feel her symptoms are at a clinical level. My daughter, however, has matched almost every symptom you listed for your son (switch manipulation for aggression and minor developmental delays for academic problems and we'd have a perfect match). She had issues right off the bat. Cried incessantly, had invisible reflux (no spitting up), uneven developmental, frequent colds etc. She was miserable and I was overwhelmed because she didn't sleep through the night until 19 months. My husband was convinced she'd be institutionalized as as adult by age three. She was... angry. She was mean to our pets to punish us. Would walk up to me, smile and say "I hate you". She broke her door frame from repeatedly slamming it one afternoon. The only saving grace we had when she was little was that her hands were weak so we could use baby gates to keep her and our cats safe longer than most parents could. I was really frightened for her future. Now, my difficult child is a minor difficult child compared to lots of other kids here (at least right now... puberty is knocking on our door), but we had a few things that brought some real improvement. You need to remember that whether a behavior is maladaptive or not that it will become that child's normal behavior if it persists long enough. And we knew that natural consequences, setting high standards and keeping a predictable schedule would work to all our benefit. Our first improvement happened when she was four and we were awakened to her screaming and crying at 5:30AM (10/8/2005 was the scariest day of my life). Her hands and feet had swollen up horribly overnight. To give you an idea of how bad it was: her lower legs were so swollen that the elastic in her socks left bruises above her ankles. That's when we discovered that what our family doctor thought were simple seasonal allergies were actually extremely bad. My daughter had been sick almost every day of her life. She was miserable. Things improved, they weren't great but we had hope. Then, she became quite ill in 1st grade and had a cough that wouldn't resolve. Her teacher was concerned because it seemed like a nervous cough. I posted here about it and fellow moderator (SRL) told me to have her checked for asthma. My daughter had never wheezed once in her life, despite all her other issues, but I felt we had nothing to lose. It turns out she had cough variant asthma (CVA), and she had been in the midst of a pretty bad asthma attack for a few weeks. Her demeanor again improved as her health improved and she was sleeping better for the first time in her life. But she was still very difficult and demanding. We started addressing some of her uneven development and discovered she had hyper-mobile joints and a visual processing deficit. Again, she showed some improvement as she learned to master her body and feel less frustrated, but it wasn't enough. She still suffered a little socially and often over-reacted with friends. Then last year, she had a major meltdown in school. Teacher was actually concerned that Duckie was going to hurt herself: things had been ramping up for weeks: classroom was a pressure cooker of loud and difficult kids, social requirements from the other girls were sky high and she had been feeling sickly and off-center since being exposed and treated for a nasty strep infection a few weeks before. She was like a caged animal: pacing, angry, crying, defiant, overwhelmed. The school counselor spoke with her and had the school Occupational Therapist (OT) talk with me (she knew Duckie from 1st and 2ND grade). She suggested a private Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation. The private Occupational Therapist (OT) found that Duckie suffered from sensory processing disorder and was ready to jump out of her skin. We followed the Wilbarger Protocol to help train her senses to be better regulated and the improvement has been outstanding. Is she still difficult and demanding? Yes. But we can all live together in relative peace most of the time and we're better equipped to help guide her through the rough patches now. [/QUOTE]
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