Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hi, I' new here and in need of others that know how I feel....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 439117" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Welcome to both of you!</p><p></p><p>Lovelyboy, I can hear the sadness and frustration you are facing. The first large obsticle you are dealing with is the difference in opinion on how to discipline with your husband. Your kids pick up on that real fast. You say that you have undermined your husband's authority by choosing your son's side when he was young. Your son has grown up seeing his dad as a source of negative disciplining in which he needed protection from. Sounds like your husband got very angry the other night. He is just as frustrated as you are. The two of you need to find a common ground to stand on. difficult child needs to see that you and husband are a team. It is hard to see our kids suffer even though they did wrong. You may have to allow your difficult child to feel the disciplining of proper consequences. I think if you can find a way to reach your difficult child in the disciplining area that will work, your husband may relax his reigns a little? (physical means of discipline are not good. Bruises will lead to even more agression, more opposition from your son)</p><p></p><p>The next obstacle you and your husband can work on together once you have found the common ground to work as a team. That is to find out what is going on with difficult child. He is old enough now to start looking at his actions. I found it easy to sit down at the end of the day with which ever child was out of hand that day and talk about feelings. "Today was not a good day for us! What happened? How did you feel about ____________? What could have been done differently?"</p><p></p><p>One thing that you did that I also struggled with was to forsee the future. As adults, we see a life journey that the kids do not understand. They live in the present. They don't understand how life will be different even next week as they grow and mature. Voicing our fears about where their bad behaviors will lead them will only overwhelm and scare them. They will began to feel hopeless and then why bother trying, their destiny is already set. Try to stay focus on the present. My son also has anxiety. With anxiety, the future can overwhelm you. Too much to take in so best just focus on today.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to give our kids baby steps when we see other kids seeming to soar ahead. Try slowing down. Give your son time to adjust. Have a talk with your son that lets him know that you, his dad, his brother, and him are a team. As a family, you work together and his mom and dad make rules to keep him safe, and give him the tools he needs to face tomorrow's challenges.</p><p></p><p>With anxiety, your son will need to hear about the good things that have happened during the day. No matter how small, those little things are what keeps a person positive. His anxiety may make it hard for him to see that good things are happening. Try to point out the positives especially those directly affecting him, "Thank you for taking your plate to the sink! That saves me one step!" Anytime your hear anything positive about him from anyone, let him know, "Your teacher says that it is so nice how you help your classmates to understand the problem." Finding ways to show that life is good and nothing to be afraid of will help lessen the anxiety. Understand though that anxiety is often times an unknown fear. It is a "feeling" of worry or fear. It comes from nowhere and whatever it latches onto to justify itself will not be the true cause of it. It is internal in your body.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 439117, member: 5096"] Welcome to both of you! Lovelyboy, I can hear the sadness and frustration you are facing. The first large obsticle you are dealing with is the difference in opinion on how to discipline with your husband. Your kids pick up on that real fast. You say that you have undermined your husband's authority by choosing your son's side when he was young. Your son has grown up seeing his dad as a source of negative disciplining in which he needed protection from. Sounds like your husband got very angry the other night. He is just as frustrated as you are. The two of you need to find a common ground to stand on. difficult child needs to see that you and husband are a team. It is hard to see our kids suffer even though they did wrong. You may have to allow your difficult child to feel the disciplining of proper consequences. I think if you can find a way to reach your difficult child in the disciplining area that will work, your husband may relax his reigns a little? (physical means of discipline are not good. Bruises will lead to even more agression, more opposition from your son) The next obstacle you and your husband can work on together once you have found the common ground to work as a team. That is to find out what is going on with difficult child. He is old enough now to start looking at his actions. I found it easy to sit down at the end of the day with which ever child was out of hand that day and talk about feelings. "Today was not a good day for us! What happened? How did you feel about ____________? What could have been done differently?" One thing that you did that I also struggled with was to forsee the future. As adults, we see a life journey that the kids do not understand. They live in the present. They don't understand how life will be different even next week as they grow and mature. Voicing our fears about where their bad behaviors will lead them will only overwhelm and scare them. They will began to feel hopeless and then why bother trying, their destiny is already set. Try to stay focus on the present. My son also has anxiety. With anxiety, the future can overwhelm you. Too much to take in so best just focus on today. It is hard to give our kids baby steps when we see other kids seeming to soar ahead. Try slowing down. Give your son time to adjust. Have a talk with your son that lets him know that you, his dad, his brother, and him are a team. As a family, you work together and his mom and dad make rules to keep him safe, and give him the tools he needs to face tomorrow's challenges. With anxiety, your son will need to hear about the good things that have happened during the day. No matter how small, those little things are what keeps a person positive. His anxiety may make it hard for him to see that good things are happening. Try to point out the positives especially those directly affecting him, "Thank you for taking your plate to the sink! That saves me one step!" Anytime your hear anything positive about him from anyone, let him know, "Your teacher says that it is so nice how you help your classmates to understand the problem." Finding ways to show that life is good and nothing to be afraid of will help lessen the anxiety. Understand though that anxiety is often times an unknown fear. It is a "feeling" of worry or fear. It comes from nowhere and whatever it latches onto to justify itself will not be the true cause of it. It is internal in your body. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Hi, I' new here and in need of others that know how I feel....
Top