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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 523231" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there and welcome to the board.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion your two stepkids need a neuropsychologist evaluation. Also, with their history, you need to read about reactive attachment disorder, which is a debilitating disorder of kids who have had many early breaks or neglect in their early childhoods and no main caregiver. It does not improve with time. You need to get them a special sort of therapy.</p><p></p><p>Here is a link about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is very common in older adopted kids (or any kids who had very unstable infancy/toddler years) and it is NOT FUN! And it's not easy to treat either. But you can do something and you should. However, these boys are going to be very difficult children. You may have to think about if you wish to go through with this. The boys have already been damaged and even with help it's going to take a long time...and A LOT of work and your son may continue to be targetted forever...it is hard to say. We adopted one older boy who had to leave. He was dangerous to all my younger kids, even molested them (watch out for t hat too. I would not leave your son alone with him). You don't know what happened to him in his mother's house. If this boy tried to stab a teacher and talked about killing you...I dunno. I would take it seriously and keep him in your sight at all times; maybe put an alarm on the door at night. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) k ids can be very dangerous, if that is what is wrong. They do not develop a conscience.</p><p></p><p>If it is serious attachment issues, love doesn't help. I have to respectfully disagree with anyone who thinks enough love will solve this (I thought love was the answer too at one time). Kids who never had a loving caregiver and learned early on that they only can depend on one person: themselves, often get even worse the more you try to love them. They are often afraid of and/or suspicious of love and don't want it. Not saying your child is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...there are vaious parts of the spectrum...but his degree of acting out is really quite severe. I don't want anyone to ever go through what we did with our adopted son. We had no idea how dangerous he had been until he was gone...(((hugs))).</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm" target="_blank">http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm</a></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 523231, member: 1550"] Hi there and welcome to the board. in my opinion your two stepkids need a neuropsychologist evaluation. Also, with their history, you need to read about reactive attachment disorder, which is a debilitating disorder of kids who have had many early breaks or neglect in their early childhoods and no main caregiver. It does not improve with time. You need to get them a special sort of therapy. Here is a link about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It is very common in older adopted kids (or any kids who had very unstable infancy/toddler years) and it is NOT FUN! And it's not easy to treat either. But you can do something and you should. However, these boys are going to be very difficult children. You may have to think about if you wish to go through with this. The boys have already been damaged and even with help it's going to take a long time...and A LOT of work and your son may continue to be targetted forever...it is hard to say. We adopted one older boy who had to leave. He was dangerous to all my younger kids, even molested them (watch out for t hat too. I would not leave your son alone with him). You don't know what happened to him in his mother's house. If this boy tried to stab a teacher and talked about killing you...I dunno. I would take it seriously and keep him in your sight at all times; maybe put an alarm on the door at night. Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) k ids can be very dangerous, if that is what is wrong. They do not develop a conscience. If it is serious attachment issues, love doesn't help. I have to respectfully disagree with anyone who thinks enough love will solve this (I thought love was the answer too at one time). Kids who never had a loving caregiver and learned early on that they only can depend on one person: themselves, often get even worse the more you try to love them. They are often afraid of and/or suspicious of love and don't want it. Not saying your child is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...there are vaious parts of the spectrum...but his degree of acting out is really quite severe. I don't want anyone to ever go through what we did with our adopted son. We had no idea how dangerous he had been until he was gone...(((hugs))). [URL]http://www.helpguide.org/mental/parenting_bonding_reactive_attachment_disorder.htm[/URL] [/QUOTE]
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