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General Parenting
His sense of entitlement has GOT to go..VENT LONG
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 73914" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>I hear you. Luckily, we're starting to see the light at the age of 10, having adopted at birth. Sigh.</p><p>I know what you mean by buying him only what you have to, because he destroys everything.</p><p>We had to completely empty our difficult child's bedroom, incl. curtains and clothes, and make him earn them back one by one. He's got a bookcase, mattress, dresser, a light, school clothes, and some books.</p><p>He had two alarm clocks but broke both of them last wk in the first tantrum he had in a long time.</p><p></p><p>When our difficult child complained about food, we sent him to his room with-no food for the day, and then because we knew he'd melt down when his blood sugar dropped, I brought him a bowl of steamed white rice, a small glass of water, and two soda crackers for dinner. He said, "This is the best dinner I've ever had."</p><p>It would have been funny if I hadn't still been so mad. </p><p></p><p>If he's rude in the car, I've gotten out of line at fast food places and have been honked at, but have to prove to difficult child that if he's snotty, he will not get anything. Sometimes I go to Starbucks or McDonald's and get myself something and deliberately do not order for him. He will melt down, but since I'm actually setting it up, it's not that bad. If he's in a crummy mood and kicking the seats and throwing things, I pull over and get out of the car. (His friends encourage him to stop whatever he's doing but he doesn't get it, or if he does, it take up to 20 min., when the rest of his friends are using fantastic peef pressure to hasten the process.) The point is that I am in control and if he chooses to rant and rave and whine, that's entirely up to him, but it doesn't get him what he wants, and will also take away things he already has.</p><p></p><p>Our child psychiatric told me many yrs ago to take trial runs to the grocery storer and PO with-difficult child to force him to learn to transition and learn that he's not in charge. It really worked!</p><p></p><p>At one point, I had to list the things that difficult child was saying to me, incl. the expression on his face, and read it to him to make him understand what was going on. Then ea time he said it, I gave him one chance. After that, I lowered the boom.</p><p></p><p>Tonight he was sneaking into my purse again to steal my cell phone. He's been taking it upstairs at night and playing with-it under the sheets. I couldn't undestand the fascination with-i, and why he had to lie.</p><p></p><p>husband suggested that I delete all the games. Games? What games? Whoah. I searched that puppy and found two pp of games that connected online! Yikes!</p><p>The really bad part is that when I caught difficult child red handed, he yelled at me! Amazing how they try to twist things around.</p><p></p><p>He got sent straight to bed and he's on level one tomorrow.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what you do in reg. to taking away privileges. Does he have a car? Girlfriend? Phone? Subscriptions svcs? I'd be thinking about natural consequences. Espcecially in reg to his attitude toward you. </p><p>I put difficult child in "silent time out" in the car if he's badmouthing me. It took a few wks. of silence but I kind of liked it! Finally, he came around, and has learned to say constructive things about what happend in school, and about once a wk, actually asks me how my day went.</p><p></p><p>Good luck! I know how hard it is. It can really get you down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 73914, member: 3419"] I hear you. Luckily, we're starting to see the light at the age of 10, having adopted at birth. Sigh. I know what you mean by buying him only what you have to, because he destroys everything. We had to completely empty our difficult child's bedroom, incl. curtains and clothes, and make him earn them back one by one. He's got a bookcase, mattress, dresser, a light, school clothes, and some books. He had two alarm clocks but broke both of them last wk in the first tantrum he had in a long time. When our difficult child complained about food, we sent him to his room with-no food for the day, and then because we knew he'd melt down when his blood sugar dropped, I brought him a bowl of steamed white rice, a small glass of water, and two soda crackers for dinner. He said, "This is the best dinner I've ever had." It would have been funny if I hadn't still been so mad. If he's rude in the car, I've gotten out of line at fast food places and have been honked at, but have to prove to difficult child that if he's snotty, he will not get anything. Sometimes I go to Starbucks or McDonald's and get myself something and deliberately do not order for him. He will melt down, but since I'm actually setting it up, it's not that bad. If he's in a crummy mood and kicking the seats and throwing things, I pull over and get out of the car. (His friends encourage him to stop whatever he's doing but he doesn't get it, or if he does, it take up to 20 min., when the rest of his friends are using fantastic peef pressure to hasten the process.) The point is that I am in control and if he chooses to rant and rave and whine, that's entirely up to him, but it doesn't get him what he wants, and will also take away things he already has. Our child psychiatric told me many yrs ago to take trial runs to the grocery storer and PO with-difficult child to force him to learn to transition and learn that he's not in charge. It really worked! At one point, I had to list the things that difficult child was saying to me, incl. the expression on his face, and read it to him to make him understand what was going on. Then ea time he said it, I gave him one chance. After that, I lowered the boom. Tonight he was sneaking into my purse again to steal my cell phone. He's been taking it upstairs at night and playing with-it under the sheets. I couldn't undestand the fascination with-i, and why he had to lie. husband suggested that I delete all the games. Games? What games? Whoah. I searched that puppy and found two pp of games that connected online! Yikes! The really bad part is that when I caught difficult child red handed, he yelled at me! Amazing how they try to twist things around. He got sent straight to bed and he's on level one tomorrow. I don't know what you do in reg. to taking away privileges. Does he have a car? Girlfriend? Phone? Subscriptions svcs? I'd be thinking about natural consequences. Espcecially in reg to his attitude toward you. I put difficult child in "silent time out" in the car if he's badmouthing me. It took a few wks. of silence but I kind of liked it! Finally, he came around, and has learned to say constructive things about what happend in school, and about once a wk, actually asks me how my day went. Good luck! I know how hard it is. It can really get you down. [/QUOTE]
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His sense of entitlement has GOT to go..VENT LONG
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