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Holiday eating guide
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<blockquote data-quote="HereWeGoAgain" data-source="post: 101645" data-attributes="member: 3485"><p>(not original, alas -- I saw this in a local paper last year)</p><p></p><p>The Christmas season is known for overindulgence in high-calorie, high-fat goodies. If you are looking for a health-conscious guide to holiday eating, get the Grinch's Holiday Eating Guide. Otherwise, we present...</p><p></p><p>The Holiday Eating Guide</p><p></p><p>1. <strong>Avoid Carrot Sticks</strong> - Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing about Christmas spirit. Leave their home at once and go next door where they're serving rum balls.</p><p></p><p>2. <strong>Drink as much egg nog as you can</strong> - It's only available for four weeks each year, so it's not like you'll get addicted or anything.</p><p></p><p>3. <strong>If something comes with gravy, use it</strong> - That's the point of gravy. It is not a stand alone item. Make a mashed potato volcano with gravy lava. Eat the volcano. Repeat.</p><p></p><p>4. <strong>As for the mashed potatos, ask if they're made with skim or whole milk - If it's skim, pass.</strong> What's the point? It's like buying a Porsche with automatic transmission.</p><p></p><p>5. <strong>Do not pre-snack in an effort to control your eating</strong> - The main reason for going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.</p><p></p><p>6. <strong>Do not exercise between now and New Year's</strong> - You can do that in January when there's nothing else to do. December is for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table carrying a ten-pound plate and a gallon of egg nog.</p><p></p><p>7. <strong>If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa Claus, station yourself nearby and don't move</strong> - Eat as many as you can before people start to whisper and point. Opportunities like this are fleeting; if you pass them up, you may not get another chance.</p><p></p><p>8. <strong>Same goes for pie</strong> - Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat, have a slice of each. If you don't like mincemeat, double up on apple or pumpkin. Always eat at least three slices. When else can you have multiple desserts?</p><p></p><p>9. <strong>Fruitcakes</strong> - Granted, it's loaded with calories, but avoid it at all costs. You've got to have some standards.</p><p></p><p>10. <strong>If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party, you haven't been paying attention</strong> - Reread this list and try to do better next time. Hurry, January is right around the corner.</p><p></p><p>Remember this motto: Life is not a journey to the grave to arrive safely in an attractive and well preserved body. Rather, you should skid in sideways, with chocolate in one hand and a drink in the other, worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" :smile:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HereWeGoAgain, post: 101645, member: 3485"] (not original, alas -- I saw this in a local paper last year) The Christmas season is known for overindulgence in high-calorie, high-fat goodies. If you are looking for a health-conscious guide to holiday eating, get the Grinch's Holiday Eating Guide. Otherwise, we present... The Holiday Eating Guide 1. [b]Avoid Carrot Sticks[/b] - Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing about Christmas spirit. Leave their home at once and go next door where they're serving rum balls. 2. [b]Drink as much egg nog as you can[/b] - It's only available for four weeks each year, so it's not like you'll get addicted or anything. 3. [b]If something comes with gravy, use it[/b] - That's the point of gravy. It is not a stand alone item. Make a mashed potato volcano with gravy lava. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. [b]As for the mashed potatos, ask if they're made with skim or whole milk - If it's skim, pass.[/b] What's the point? It's like buying a Porsche with automatic transmission. 5. [b]Do not pre-snack in an effort to control your eating[/b] - The main reason for going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. 6. [b]Do not exercise between now and New Year's[/b] - You can do that in January when there's nothing else to do. December is for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table carrying a ten-pound plate and a gallon of egg nog. 7. [b]If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa Claus, station yourself nearby and don't move[/b] - Eat as many as you can before people start to whisper and point. Opportunities like this are fleeting; if you pass them up, you may not get another chance. 8. [b]Same goes for pie[/b] - Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat, have a slice of each. If you don't like mincemeat, double up on apple or pumpkin. Always eat at least three slices. When else can you have multiple desserts? 9. [b]Fruitcakes[/b] - Granted, it's loaded with calories, but avoid it at all costs. You've got to have some standards. 10. [b]If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party, you haven't been paying attention[/b] - Reread this list and try to do better next time. Hurry, January is right around the corner. Remember this motto: Life is not a journey to the grave to arrive safely in an attractive and well preserved body. Rather, you should skid in sideways, with chocolate in one hand and a drink in the other, worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" [img]:smile:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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