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Holidays Ahead...Anybody else dreading them?
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753529" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>I dread the holidays as well this year. I feel grief just thinking about it. </p><p></p><p>Thanksgivings was saved by my sister in law who invited us unexpectedly to her home, a 3 hour car ride away. This means I have plans, and I won't be at home. I really enjoy cooking a big Thanksgiving meal and for years it was my daughter and I who did this together. It was our thing. We would get special coffee and work together and it was so fun! That daughter doesn't exist anymore , sadly. So my initial idea was to invite a bunch of AA friends particularly those who have nowhere to go for the holiday .But both of my Difficult Child would have balked at having "those" people over and daughter would have said that "this is my home too and I need to feel comfortable". So this is better. I know neither one of the "kids" will go with us. My son has refused to come for Thanksgiving the past 2 years opting to stay in the dorms by himself rather than being at home with us. </p><p></p><p>For Christmas, I am trying not to have any expectations, and instead create my experience. We have always been very generous with our children, and this year, I won't do that . Our adult children do not reciprocate the relationship we are modeling and so I feel kind of done always being the giver. Last year, we got nothing from our son while we had presents for him. It's not about the gift or the money spent. O would have been happy with a coupon for a night at the movies , even a nice card. Our daughter has a candle for me and a letter. Nothing like she used to do like bookmarks - you know where you could feel some love behind it. So I have decided they will each get the gifts I brought back from Europe for Christmas: a cologne each and a special collection of chocolates. I did not give them out after returning because neither one of them cared to have me back and the house was so dirty after I especially asked to have it picked up. My son has yet to ask about my trip, so why give him anything? I will start giving when they do. We were going to give them money in addition to these gifts from the trip, but today I decided against that. The money will go to cigarettes, vaping, alcohol, and MJ. Why would I support that? They are adults and don't need to be infantilized with lots of gifts anymore. </p><p></p><p>I hope I don't sound bitter. I think I may be. </p><p></p><p>I have always given my parents gifts and cards for birthdays and Christmas and could not fathom not doing that for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753529, member: 24254"] I dread the holidays as well this year. I feel grief just thinking about it. Thanksgivings was saved by my sister in law who invited us unexpectedly to her home, a 3 hour car ride away. This means I have plans, and I won't be at home. I really enjoy cooking a big Thanksgiving meal and for years it was my daughter and I who did this together. It was our thing. We would get special coffee and work together and it was so fun! That daughter doesn't exist anymore , sadly. So my initial idea was to invite a bunch of AA friends particularly those who have nowhere to go for the holiday .But both of my Difficult Child would have balked at having "those" people over and daughter would have said that "this is my home too and I need to feel comfortable". So this is better. I know neither one of the "kids" will go with us. My son has refused to come for Thanksgiving the past 2 years opting to stay in the dorms by himself rather than being at home with us. For Christmas, I am trying not to have any expectations, and instead create my experience. We have always been very generous with our children, and this year, I won't do that . Our adult children do not reciprocate the relationship we are modeling and so I feel kind of done always being the giver. Last year, we got nothing from our son while we had presents for him. It's not about the gift or the money spent. O would have been happy with a coupon for a night at the movies , even a nice card. Our daughter has a candle for me and a letter. Nothing like she used to do like bookmarks - you know where you could feel some love behind it. So I have decided they will each get the gifts I brought back from Europe for Christmas: a cologne each and a special collection of chocolates. I did not give them out after returning because neither one of them cared to have me back and the house was so dirty after I especially asked to have it picked up. My son has yet to ask about my trip, so why give him anything? I will start giving when they do. We were going to give them money in addition to these gifts from the trip, but today I decided against that. The money will go to cigarettes, vaping, alcohol, and MJ. Why would I support that? They are adults and don't need to be infantilized with lots of gifts anymore. I hope I don't sound bitter. I think I may be. I have always given my parents gifts and cards for birthdays and Christmas and could not fathom not doing that for them. [/QUOTE]
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