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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 755219" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Can't Even,</p><p></p><p>I feel your pain and I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have two adults sons, one is 31 the other is almost 27. Even when they were teens and early twenties they were always playing video games and yupping us to death that they were looking for a job. Sometimes they'd get one but as you mentioned there always appeared to be a self-sabotage and someone else was to blame for it all falling apart. The jobs never lasted more than 3-6 months at a time.</p><p></p><p>Now I believe the oldest is "hopefully still" living with others and paying rent but because of his entitlement and abusive language towards me I have cut him off for several months now. The younger one is still living in his car, possibly couch surfing from time to time. He does have ADHD and PTSD so he has some legitimate reasons for failing so miserably at life. But I have heard of others who have similar issues and still work every day, so I'm just not sure if there's drinking or other drugs involved to cause such a lack of ability to do anything for himself. He was a "heavy" pot-smoker for a long time, which was a huge issue when we all lived together. This and possibly other drugs causes him even more trouble.</p><p></p><p>They have forgotten how how their father and I have tried to help them to the point we were "professional enablers". I realize now, however, that did not help them but I had my own issues with an alcoholic husband and trying to make an insane home seem sane.</p><p></p><p>All I can suggest is prayer and turning your son over to God every chance you think of him. Also, praying for yourself to have the courage and strength to get through this. There's a part of me that always feels a certain amount of guilt for having the courage and strength to step out of their way and let them face the consequences of their actions and/or in actions. They are quick to reinforce that feeling I have, any opportunity they get.</p><p></p><p>It's important for you to stay strong and know they will say and do anything to manipulate and try to gain pity. As parents it doesn't take much and they know it and that's why we have to be all the stronger or they will never have the chance of trying to make it on their own.</p><p></p><p>I often think of stories I heard of young adults working 2 & 3 jobs, going to school, thriving and working hard. It boggles my mind that there are some who are so extreme in their functionality to take care of themselves when the chips are down and others who stand with their hand out (like my sons) and are inept at even holding a part time job down for very long.</p><p></p><p>I try to remember something I read, that God's timing is perfect. So, I have to guess that my sons journey's through this very long rough patch of life, are just going to take as long as they're going to take until something turns around for them.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and take care of yourself because if you don't there may come a day when your son is "better" and you will be tired, sick and depleted from all the worry, hurt and pain you've gone through and you will not be able to enjoy his recovery with him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 755219, member: 23405"] Can't Even, I feel your pain and I'm sorry for what you're going through. I have two adults sons, one is 31 the other is almost 27. Even when they were teens and early twenties they were always playing video games and yupping us to death that they were looking for a job. Sometimes they'd get one but as you mentioned there always appeared to be a self-sabotage and someone else was to blame for it all falling apart. The jobs never lasted more than 3-6 months at a time. Now I believe the oldest is "hopefully still" living with others and paying rent but because of his entitlement and abusive language towards me I have cut him off for several months now. The younger one is still living in his car, possibly couch surfing from time to time. He does have ADHD and PTSD so he has some legitimate reasons for failing so miserably at life. But I have heard of others who have similar issues and still work every day, so I'm just not sure if there's drinking or other drugs involved to cause such a lack of ability to do anything for himself. He was a "heavy" pot-smoker for a long time, which was a huge issue when we all lived together. This and possibly other drugs causes him even more trouble. They have forgotten how how their father and I have tried to help them to the point we were "professional enablers". I realize now, however, that did not help them but I had my own issues with an alcoholic husband and trying to make an insane home seem sane. All I can suggest is prayer and turning your son over to God every chance you think of him. Also, praying for yourself to have the courage and strength to get through this. There's a part of me that always feels a certain amount of guilt for having the courage and strength to step out of their way and let them face the consequences of their actions and/or in actions. They are quick to reinforce that feeling I have, any opportunity they get. It's important for you to stay strong and know they will say and do anything to manipulate and try to gain pity. As parents it doesn't take much and they know it and that's why we have to be all the stronger or they will never have the chance of trying to make it on their own. I often think of stories I heard of young adults working 2 & 3 jobs, going to school, thriving and working hard. It boggles my mind that there are some who are so extreme in their functionality to take care of themselves when the chips are down and others who stand with their hand out (like my sons) and are inept at even holding a part time job down for very long. I try to remember something I read, that God's timing is perfect. So, I have to guess that my sons journey's through this very long rough patch of life, are just going to take as long as they're going to take until something turns around for them. Hang in there and take care of yourself because if you don't there may come a day when your son is "better" and you will be tired, sick and depleted from all the worry, hurt and pain you've gone through and you will not be able to enjoy his recovery with him. [/QUOTE]
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