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Hoping my visit isn't taking us all backwards
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631170" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>It sounds like you are BG. He has to figure it out on his own. Remember? You have been there done that. It didn't work, a million times over. I was told this week by someone in AA who has a ton of sponsees that there are lots of jobs available for felons, but they will have to connect with the people that can direct them to those jobs, like AA folks, shelter navigators, etc. There is a ton of help out there for all kinds of things that our difficult children grapple with, but they have to ask for that help and then they have to follow the advice and follow through. </p><p></p><p>It cannot happen through us, BG. It's not a good vibe, for a mommy to be trying to facilitate a grown man doing what he needs to do. Not healthy for either of them. </p><p></p><p>I so understand your fear about him going to prison. My difficult child also has two felonies and if he gets arrested one more time he will have to serve his original sentence which was 4 years. </p><p></p><p>But we can't do one thing to prevent that, BG. They, and only they, can determine what will happen next. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. Ask yourself: Has the visit gone on long enough? I think that is what you are really saying, but you are reluctant to go. </p><p></p><p>For today, I think if you have to sit in Starbucks for the afternoon and read a magazine, you need some space and distance from him. And he needs that from you so he can do whatever is next.</p><p></p><p>Being with him like you are won't keep him straight, BG. </p><p></p><p>This isn't about spending a lot of money or you having people to hang out with. It's about leaving that apartment, locking the door behind you, heading off to do SOMETHING/ANYTHING on your own, and telling difficult child you'll meet him for dinner. </p><p></p><p>I know it is hard, and you don't get to see him much, etc., but you are on shaky ground for the both of you and some space, time and distance is always healthy. </p><p></p><p>Give it a try, just for one day, and see. Warm hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631170, member: 17542"] It sounds like you are BG. He has to figure it out on his own. Remember? You have been there done that. It didn't work, a million times over. I was told this week by someone in AA who has a ton of sponsees that there are lots of jobs available for felons, but they will have to connect with the people that can direct them to those jobs, like AA folks, shelter navigators, etc. There is a ton of help out there for all kinds of things that our difficult children grapple with, but they have to ask for that help and then they have to follow the advice and follow through. It cannot happen through us, BG. It's not a good vibe, for a mommy to be trying to facilitate a grown man doing what he needs to do. Not healthy for either of them. I so understand your fear about him going to prison. My difficult child also has two felonies and if he gets arrested one more time he will have to serve his original sentence which was 4 years. But we can't do one thing to prevent that, BG. They, and only they, can determine what will happen next. Yes. Ask yourself: Has the visit gone on long enough? I think that is what you are really saying, but you are reluctant to go. For today, I think if you have to sit in Starbucks for the afternoon and read a magazine, you need some space and distance from him. And he needs that from you so he can do whatever is next. Being with him like you are won't keep him straight, BG. This isn't about spending a lot of money or you having people to hang out with. It's about leaving that apartment, locking the door behind you, heading off to do SOMETHING/ANYTHING on your own, and telling difficult child you'll meet him for dinner. I know it is hard, and you don't get to see him much, etc., but you are on shaky ground for the both of you and some space, time and distance is always healthy. Give it a try, just for one day, and see. Warm hugs. [/QUOTE]
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Hoping my visit isn't taking us all backwards
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