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Hoping my visit isn't taking us all backwards
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631207" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I had an experience yesterday which made me think and I'd like to share it with you, blackgnat. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but maybe it will give you a different perspective.</p><p></p><p>I was thinking of visiting my easy child for a week or more in August to help with the baby. That means leaving MY home and staying in hers, which is not 100% comfortable for me. I like my own things, my own way of being able to do whatever I like in my home without worrying about others, and I feel odd in even my daughter's house for too long. Then SHE talked to me about how awkward it would be if I stayed too long. Teasingly she said, "I'll tell you when I can't stand you being around anymore." We then grew serious and talked about how shorter visits were better because of the "I need my owns pace" issue and my daughter really wants to do most of what she can for her baby, even if she is very tired. We decided on more, but shorter visits.</p><p></p><p>I think most adult children and even many adult parents want to have good ongoing relationships with each other, but don't want to smother one another. That made me think about how abnormal it is that 36 would be thrilled if I actually were able to move into his house to take care of everything for him. His thinking is not the norm. I wouldn't do it anyway because he is hard to live with and I have a family here in Wisconsin, but he is the only one out of my children who would really love for me to be around to "mother" him. And he is the unhealthy one. </p><p></p><p>I think it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to think about how long you want to stay and when you want to return home, to your own domain, and continue to let difficult child deal with his life. There are places where felons can go to find jobs. I am not sure where. Maybe he can ask his parole officer. That will look/sound good for him too...he is being serious about work. If you want to stay, stay but hold back on the mothering. But it is your life, not your kid's lives, and you stay as long or as short as you like. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and good luck! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631207, member: 1550"] I had an experience yesterday which made me think and I'd like to share it with you, blackgnat. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but maybe it will give you a different perspective. I was thinking of visiting my easy child for a week or more in August to help with the baby. That means leaving MY home and staying in hers, which is not 100% comfortable for me. I like my own things, my own way of being able to do whatever I like in my home without worrying about others, and I feel odd in even my daughter's house for too long. Then SHE talked to me about how awkward it would be if I stayed too long. Teasingly she said, "I'll tell you when I can't stand you being around anymore." We then grew serious and talked about how shorter visits were better because of the "I need my owns pace" issue and my daughter really wants to do most of what she can for her baby, even if she is very tired. We decided on more, but shorter visits. I think most adult children and even many adult parents want to have good ongoing relationships with each other, but don't want to smother one another. That made me think about how abnormal it is that 36 would be thrilled if I actually were able to move into his house to take care of everything for him. His thinking is not the norm. I wouldn't do it anyway because he is hard to live with and I have a family here in Wisconsin, but he is the only one out of my children who would really love for me to be around to "mother" him. And he is the unhealthy one. I think it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to think about how long you want to stay and when you want to return home, to your own domain, and continue to let difficult child deal with his life. There are places where felons can go to find jobs. I am not sure where. Maybe he can ask his parole officer. That will look/sound good for him too...he is being serious about work. If you want to stay, stay but hold back on the mothering. But it is your life, not your kid's lives, and you stay as long or as short as you like. Hugs and good luck! :) [/QUOTE]
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