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Hoping to see son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752655" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Right. I agree they are unique in what causes their behavior. For me, I don't see most adult kids acting like our kids who bring us here. I just don't. </p><p></p><p>I do not know any other adult child here. I absolutely do not. I know my daughter. And I know my other kids, who have no ability to act like her. And I see so many young adults, even adopted ones, thriving and being kind to their parents. </p><p></p><p>And I am tired and worn out from being judged. But I can handle that. I have grown resilient through the death of one child and self destruction of another. I am strong. I had to be.</p><p></p><p>For the record I never said anyone should lose future hope, but right now we are dealing with what is on our plate today. And I personally hope to keep living One Day at a Time. What you and I write here shows our differences and I think it's good for everyone to speak. I am allowed to speak from being dead tired. All we have done for Kay has nothing to show for it....no effort on her part. No real love like we see with our other kids. And to me it is hard not to see similarities in our stories...all of us, united on many fronts. We are in different stages of our pain. That's fine. But we are all warriors, brave and strong. </p><p></p><p>Are we bitter, you may wonder? My husband and I? I probably sound like it. I don't think I still am, but the hardest person to see is oneself. At one time we definitely were bitter. We took the devestation of Kay out on one another and almost divorced. We put our two nice kids on the back burner. And Amy's kids. We were two sorry people doing nothing but trying to save a drowning adult child to the detriment of all else in our lives. Everything was Kay. I see this in these stories and I cry and understand. </p><p></p><p>I truly pray that good happens to every adult child here, including our Kay. Do I expect it? Not anymore. </p><p></p><p>Copa, I think you are a very strong, smart lady. Our circumstances are different and our experiences have been as well. I am very happy for you that you can keep up your hope. You are a loving, wonderful mother to your child, moreso than I could ever claim to be. You are a star. </p><p></p><p> My husband and I are just done. We are no longer in the game with Kay. If she starts to change, we will help her. But any motivation to change now has to 100 percent start from her own heart. No more focus on her well being. We can't do it anymore.</p><p></p><p>I know in some eyes this makes us terrible parents. We are well known in our community and have been criticized strongly both because of what Kay has done (our faulty parenting) and because we no longer help Kay (what kind of parents are we). We have heard both accusations to our faces. Many people pull no punches about how they feel. They are smug because they have no child like Kay. They good. We bad. Seriously. Many feel this way. I often agree. But when we are the most distraught we tell each other the truth.</p><p></p><p>We did all we could for Kay. Kay has done nothing for Kay. Kay has chosen to be ugly towards those who love her the most. We don't see any indication that Kay has a loving heart toward us or anyone, even Lee or Jaden. Our decision to focus on ourselves and our kind loved ones will stand. We are no longer looking for Kay to change. And this will bring on more bold criticism. </p><p></p><p>We accept any criticism with a prayer to God that the one who criticized us never feels our pain. And we go on knowing that Kay is the only one who can help herself. And that we don't want to be around her abuse, even if it's because she was adopted and a different race from us and damaged in other ways. She refuses all help. Thats the key. That's why we are done. She continues to flail while she lives on pot and says she is a healthy person. It is the rest of the world, not her. Nobody improves thinking this way, getting no help.</p><p></p><p>We can't take anymore. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry if you took my feelings personally. They were not meant for you or your son. They were my own thoughts mostly about me. I amn a spokesperson for the entire forum. You are right in much of what you said. We all speak only for us </p><p></p><p>I am tired. It was one of those tougher days when Kay did manage to shake things up and we had to say no. So take whatever I said with a grain of salt.</p><p></p><p>God bless everyone here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752655, member: 23706"] Right. I agree they are unique in what causes their behavior. For me, I don't see most adult kids acting like our kids who bring us here. I just don't. I do not know any other adult child here. I absolutely do not. I know my daughter. And I know my other kids, who have no ability to act like her. And I see so many young adults, even adopted ones, thriving and being kind to their parents. And I am tired and worn out from being judged. But I can handle that. I have grown resilient through the death of one child and self destruction of another. I am strong. I had to be. For the record I never said anyone should lose future hope, but right now we are dealing with what is on our plate today. And I personally hope to keep living One Day at a Time. What you and I write here shows our differences and I think it's good for everyone to speak. I am allowed to speak from being dead tired. All we have done for Kay has nothing to show for it....no effort on her part. No real love like we see with our other kids. And to me it is hard not to see similarities in our stories...all of us, united on many fronts. We are in different stages of our pain. That's fine. But we are all warriors, brave and strong. Are we bitter, you may wonder? My husband and I? I probably sound like it. I don't think I still am, but the hardest person to see is oneself. At one time we definitely were bitter. We took the devestation of Kay out on one another and almost divorced. We put our two nice kids on the back burner. And Amy's kids. We were two sorry people doing nothing but trying to save a drowning adult child to the detriment of all else in our lives. Everything was Kay. I see this in these stories and I cry and understand. I truly pray that good happens to every adult child here, including our Kay. Do I expect it? Not anymore. Copa, I think you are a very strong, smart lady. Our circumstances are different and our experiences have been as well. I am very happy for you that you can keep up your hope. You are a loving, wonderful mother to your child, moreso than I could ever claim to be. You are a star. My husband and I are just done. We are no longer in the game with Kay. If she starts to change, we will help her. But any motivation to change now has to 100 percent start from her own heart. No more focus on her well being. We can't do it anymore. I know in some eyes this makes us terrible parents. We are well known in our community and have been criticized strongly both because of what Kay has done (our faulty parenting) and because we no longer help Kay (what kind of parents are we). We have heard both accusations to our faces. Many people pull no punches about how they feel. They are smug because they have no child like Kay. They good. We bad. Seriously. Many feel this way. I often agree. But when we are the most distraught we tell each other the truth. We did all we could for Kay. Kay has done nothing for Kay. Kay has chosen to be ugly towards those who love her the most. We don't see any indication that Kay has a loving heart toward us or anyone, even Lee or Jaden. Our decision to focus on ourselves and our kind loved ones will stand. We are no longer looking for Kay to change. And this will bring on more bold criticism. We accept any criticism with a prayer to God that the one who criticized us never feels our pain. And we go on knowing that Kay is the only one who can help herself. And that we don't want to be around her abuse, even if it's because she was adopted and a different race from us and damaged in other ways. She refuses all help. Thats the key. That's why we are done. She continues to flail while she lives on pot and says she is a healthy person. It is the rest of the world, not her. Nobody improves thinking this way, getting no help. We can't take anymore. I am sorry if you took my feelings personally. They were not meant for you or your son. They were my own thoughts mostly about me. I amn a spokesperson for the entire forum. You are right in much of what you said. We all speak only for us I am tired. It was one of those tougher days when Kay did manage to shake things up and we had to say no. So take whatever I said with a grain of salt. God bless everyone here. [/QUOTE]
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