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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752658" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I agree with this. And I would also agree that many of the kids here share a constellation of behaviors that are the same. I just don't agree that we can call it one or two things. Or do I think any one of us has the capacity to discern what's going on in a deep level with any of our kids. Nor do I have the capacity to discern, really, what's going on with my own adult child.</p><p> One of the hardest things I have had to deal with over the last 10 years is the judgement of neighbors, friends and family. Harsh, horrible judgement. My mother and sister would talk about me behind my back, that I did too much, loved my son too much. Neighbors and friends would gossip and/or judge me because I did not do enough, or was a bad mother, or too harsh. I was scarred by this. My son did not help because he gossiped about me and M too. He has had little or no loyalty to me and limited appreciation of kindness or love--unless it was the moment I did something for him or gave him something. I do know how this feels. I have lived it.</p><p>I did not take personally what you wrote. My response came from this: One, I have been here four and a half years. Many, many parents come here, whether they post or not, very, very vulnerable. I was one of these parents. I was terribly raw. I had no idea what to do. I had no distance from my situation at all. It took years for me here, where I felt any confidence in myself in dealing with my son. If I have any at all now, it has come only recently.</p><p></p><p>But due to my weakness and confusion, and lack of confidence (I was lost, lost, lost) I took a lot of stuff I read here personally, and some of it felt undermining. Interestingly, almost everybody here has supported my child. Even when I couldn't do so, there were a number of people here who took him under their wing. Over and over again, they urged me to find patience. I found the greatest compassion here for my child. Other mothers could feel more compassion for him, than could I, for the longest time. I have so much gratitude for that.</p><p></p><p>What I have acquired, more than strength I think, is a sense of the people that post here, as a group. Like many, I take extreme responsibility for how parents feel, not just that they feel support, or empowered, but I try very hard that my comments don't back them into a corner. Unless I feel there is real danger, and then, like you, I become direct.</p><p></p><p>I just feel a great deal of gentleness for parents here. Almost a sense of protection. I feel it for you too Busy. And I posted here on this thread, because of that.</p><p></p><p>Busy. We are very alike.</p><p></p><p>I can't take it anymore either. But then I do. I don't know why or how. And I don't know if what I do is right or wrong. For myself or for my child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752658, member: 18958"] I agree with this. And I would also agree that many of the kids here share a constellation of behaviors that are the same. I just don't agree that we can call it one or two things. Or do I think any one of us has the capacity to discern what's going on in a deep level with any of our kids. Nor do I have the capacity to discern, really, what's going on with my own adult child. One of the hardest things I have had to deal with over the last 10 years is the judgement of neighbors, friends and family. Harsh, horrible judgement. My mother and sister would talk about me behind my back, that I did too much, loved my son too much. Neighbors and friends would gossip and/or judge me because I did not do enough, or was a bad mother, or too harsh. I was scarred by this. My son did not help because he gossiped about me and M too. He has had little or no loyalty to me and limited appreciation of kindness or love--unless it was the moment I did something for him or gave him something. I do know how this feels. I have lived it. I did not take personally what you wrote. My response came from this: One, I have been here four and a half years. Many, many parents come here, whether they post or not, very, very vulnerable. I was one of these parents. I was terribly raw. I had no idea what to do. I had no distance from my situation at all. It took years for me here, where I felt any confidence in myself in dealing with my son. If I have any at all now, it has come only recently. But due to my weakness and confusion, and lack of confidence (I was lost, lost, lost) I took a lot of stuff I read here personally, and some of it felt undermining. Interestingly, almost everybody here has supported my child. Even when I couldn't do so, there were a number of people here who took him under their wing. Over and over again, they urged me to find patience. I found the greatest compassion here for my child. Other mothers could feel more compassion for him, than could I, for the longest time. I have so much gratitude for that. What I have acquired, more than strength I think, is a sense of the people that post here, as a group. Like many, I take extreme responsibility for how parents feel, not just that they feel support, or empowered, but I try very hard that my comments don't back them into a corner. Unless I feel there is real danger, and then, like you, I become direct. I just feel a great deal of gentleness for parents here. Almost a sense of protection. I feel it for you too Busy. And I posted here on this thread, because of that. Busy. We are very alike. I can't take it anymore either. But then I do. I don't know why or how. And I don't know if what I do is right or wrong. For myself or for my child. [/QUOTE]
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