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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752853" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Busy, I think what I hear out of your post is acceptance .Radical acceptance that things with your daughter are the way they are. And that there is nothing you can do to change any of it . It is from the platform of acceptance that we can change ourselves and work on ourselves .And you do that by focusing on your own life and the loved ones that want to have healthy, loving relationships with you. </p><p></p><p>I think that the verbal abuse I have received from my adult son was dished out because he could do it. It didn't hurt him, he knew I would take it (at the time) , and the sick therapist we had at the time allowed it rather than showing us how healthy conflict could be managed. That gave him the idea that it was ok to talk to me that way , and he continued to do that whenever he was upset and did not want to do something that I had asked him to do. And this went on until I put a stop to it by setting boundaries and telling him what I would not accept any longer. And then followed up by leaving the room when he tried again. It has been months now, and he has not tried it again. </p><p></p><p>In Al-anon I have learned to love myself, and I no longer need to be loved by other people. If I am - great! It's icing on the cake, but I don't have to have it. And that is a real good Feeling . One of empowerment and self respect .</p><p></p><p>With my adult children, I love them and they can't stop me from loving them. But I have to protect myself first, and put myself first or I will be back to square one. And I am Powerless over whether they love me or not.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752853, member: 24254"] Busy, I think what I hear out of your post is acceptance .Radical acceptance that things with your daughter are the way they are. And that there is nothing you can do to change any of it . It is from the platform of acceptance that we can change ourselves and work on ourselves .And you do that by focusing on your own life and the loved ones that want to have healthy, loving relationships with you. I think that the verbal abuse I have received from my adult son was dished out because he could do it. It didn't hurt him, he knew I would take it (at the time) , and the sick therapist we had at the time allowed it rather than showing us how healthy conflict could be managed. That gave him the idea that it was ok to talk to me that way , and he continued to do that whenever he was upset and did not want to do something that I had asked him to do. And this went on until I put a stop to it by setting boundaries and telling him what I would not accept any longer. And then followed up by leaving the room when he tried again. It has been months now, and he has not tried it again. In Al-anon I have learned to love myself, and I no longer need to be loved by other people. If I am - great! It's icing on the cake, but I don't have to have it. And that is a real good Feeling . One of empowerment and self respect . With my adult children, I love them and they can't stop me from loving them. But I have to protect myself first, and put myself first or I will be back to square one. And I am Powerless over whether they love me or not. [/QUOTE]
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