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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752855" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>That, Wise, is completely how I deal and think. I had been to Al Anon just last night, being reminded of what I can and can't control. Me I can control. Kay, not at all. </p><p></p><p>We have an addict with a son who is one in our group and he is soooooo helpful to husband and I. He knows the tricks addicts play and the personality traits addicts have due to the addiction, whether they are still using or not. </p><p></p><p>He has been clean thirty years but his son is sleeping under a bridge. He cried when he shared "I have to leave it to God. As an addict I know that only God and my son can change him." </p><p></p><p>He helped me be certain that I knew that constant mood altering pot IS an addiction and that my daughter's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) focus on things, such as talking nonstop to anyone about vaccines, is part of her addictive mind. As is her need to control others. And her manipulation. He will share with us how he tried to manipulate before 12 step. It helps, this real time support. Kay comes to life in.his words and in the stories others share. </p><p></p><p>I came to see that I make Kay sicker when I enable her, when I talk too much when she is obsessing, or don't set boundaries and keep them. I love this wise and sensitive man. His wife is my Sponsor. I get a lot of help from both. I am able live in this moment with Kay now. And I don't analyze the WHY. She is an addict. That is all I need to know. I have learned so much about how to best respond to an addict even in despair. </p><p></p><p>And through Nar Anon I got my life back. My sanity. My family. My hobbies. My self love. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance of the moment is key for my husband and me. We think a lot alike, Wise. I think you are indeed wise.i don't believe I could have healed myself. We would have been caring for Kay, looking for a break through, for the rest of our lives. We would not have given her to God in a real sense.</p><p></p><p>But we did it. And we deal with each day now, one day at a time and Kay is not fixable by us so we don't obsess over her. Life is pretty good now.</p><p></p><p>God bless everyone. Do try the twelve steps. I don't think most of us can do this alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752855, member: 23706"] That, Wise, is completely how I deal and think. I had been to Al Anon just last night, being reminded of what I can and can't control. Me I can control. Kay, not at all. We have an addict with a son who is one in our group and he is soooooo helpful to husband and I. He knows the tricks addicts play and the personality traits addicts have due to the addiction, whether they are still using or not. He has been clean thirty years but his son is sleeping under a bridge. He cried when he shared "I have to leave it to God. As an addict I know that only God and my son can change him." He helped me be certain that I knew that constant mood altering pot IS an addiction and that my daughter's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) focus on things, such as talking nonstop to anyone about vaccines, is part of her addictive mind. As is her need to control others. And her manipulation. He will share with us how he tried to manipulate before 12 step. It helps, this real time support. Kay comes to life in.his words and in the stories others share. I came to see that I make Kay sicker when I enable her, when I talk too much when she is obsessing, or don't set boundaries and keep them. I love this wise and sensitive man. His wife is my Sponsor. I get a lot of help from both. I am able live in this moment with Kay now. And I don't analyze the WHY. She is an addict. That is all I need to know. I have learned so much about how to best respond to an addict even in despair. And through Nar Anon I got my life back. My sanity. My family. My hobbies. My self love. Acceptance of the moment is key for my husband and me. We think a lot alike, Wise. I think you are indeed wise.i don't believe I could have healed myself. We would have been caring for Kay, looking for a break through, for the rest of our lives. We would not have given her to God in a real sense. But we did it. And we deal with each day now, one day at a time and Kay is not fixable by us so we don't obsess over her. Life is pretty good now. God bless everyone. Do try the twelve steps. I don't think most of us can do this alone. [/QUOTE]
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