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Parent Emeritus
"How can I screw my life up today?"
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<blockquote data-quote="SeekingStrength" data-source="post: 659916" data-attributes="member: 17635"><p>Lil and Jabber,</p><p></p><p>Going through difficult times with our own 34yo Difficult Child, so I am right here with you. I have said this before: do not, do not, do not keep up any enabling.</p><p></p><p>Would my Difficult Child's situation be any different today if we had not enabled? Certainly, I have no idea. But, even more certainly, husband and I clearly know his situation is <strong>not</strong> better after years of enabling. Like you, we thought we were doing little things....$30 here, deposit on a studio apt there, a Dunkin Donuts card here, along with lots of prayers and hand-wringing....</p><p></p><p>Hey, we thought---patting ourselves on our backs----it's not like we are bailing him out of jail, hiring an attorney! No, we were wiser than that. HA. Now I see that even a little bit of help, when a Difficult Child does not want to take care of him/herself, is a major signal to them.</p><p></p><p>And, yes, the ranting helps us. I totally agree.</p><p></p><p>Somebody (perhaps, Copa?) posted to you earlier today to <em>keep your eye on the ball. </em>That has stuck with me all day. It is not about us at all; it is about what actions, or no actions, can possibly help our Difficult Child's life. What can we change to shift the dynamics, the status quo?</p><p></p><p>Believe me, I know how tough this is. Sometimes I cannot help but wonder, why us? Why did Difficult Child , husband and I get dealt this hand?? Well, life is not fair and, so, why not us? Yuck.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p>SS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SeekingStrength, post: 659916, member: 17635"] Lil and Jabber, Going through difficult times with our own 34yo Difficult Child, so I am right here with you. I have said this before: do not, do not, do not keep up any enabling. Would my Difficult Child's situation be any different today if we had not enabled? Certainly, I have no idea. But, even more certainly, husband and I clearly know his situation is [B]not[/B] better after years of enabling. Like you, we thought we were doing little things....$30 here, deposit on a studio apt there, a Dunkin Donuts card here, along with lots of prayers and hand-wringing.... Hey, we thought---patting ourselves on our backs----it's not like we are bailing him out of jail, hiring an attorney! No, we were wiser than that. HA. Now I see that even a little bit of help, when a Difficult Child does not want to take care of him/herself, is a major signal to them. And, yes, the ranting helps us. I totally agree. Somebody (perhaps, Copa?) posted to you earlier today to [I]keep your eye on the ball. [/I]That has stuck with me all day. It is not about us at all; it is about what actions, or no actions, can possibly help our Difficult Child's life. What can we change to shift the dynamics, the status quo? Believe me, I know how tough this is. Sometimes I cannot help but wonder, why us? Why did Difficult Child , husband and I get dealt this hand?? Well, life is not fair and, so, why not us? Yuck. Hugs, SS [/QUOTE]
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